Now that you understand what an FLR is and have hopefully decided that you are interested in exploring this further, let’s dive a little deeper and see what your role will be.
The main mental switch you need to make is to start thinking about things in terms of what you want. This may be quite a big change for you, and it might feel uncomfortable in the beginning, but that’s just because you are a considerate person who doesn’t want to be selfish and mean. It’s a perfectly reasonable reaction. However, what you need to realize is that behaving in a selfish manner is exactly what your (properly motivated) man wants. He wants you to be demanding, to put yourself first, and to consider his preferences last, if at all. So the more you put your own needs first, the happier he gets.
These are just ideas and you should find your own way, of course, but the point is that you should start enjoying your new power. There is nothing he wants more than for you to start exploring the possibilities.
TAKING IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL
Once you’re secure in your new role and confident that he is actually happy with this arrangement, you can relax even more and really start designing your new life. Give him rules to live by, have him do the housework, have him give you the money he earns, make sex totally about you. The sky’s the limit. We’ll explore this in more detail later.
Mostly, an intelligent and sensitive women can navigate these waters just fine. It’s just something to be aware of and keep in mind as you continue to push him harder.
IN THE BEGINNING
Let’s assume that you are just starting out and are a little unsure about how to behave, you don’t quite know what your man expects from you, and you are just generally not quite comfortable in your new role. That’s totally understandable. The first thing I want to tell you is that you don’t need to change anything about yourself or your demeanor before you are ready. Take it slow and build up your understanding of what this life can mean to you and to your partner, and then grow gradually into your new role.
Let’s assume that you are just starting out and are a little unsure about how to behave, you don’t quite know what your man expects from you, and you are just generally not quite comfortable in your new role. That’s totally understandable. The first thing I want to tell you is that you don’t need to change anything about yourself or your demeanor before you are ready. Take it slow and build up your understanding of what this life can mean to you and to your partner, and then grow gradually into your new role.
The main mental switch you need to make is to start thinking about things in terms of what you want. This may be quite a big change for you, and it might feel uncomfortable in the beginning, but that’s just because you are a considerate person who doesn’t want to be selfish and mean. It’s a perfectly reasonable reaction. However, what you need to realize is that behaving in a selfish manner is exactly what your (properly motivated) man wants. He wants you to be demanding, to put yourself first, and to consider his preferences last, if at all. So the more you put your own needs first, the happier he gets.
Another change you can make rather early is to be more honest about your mood. If you’re feeling a little bitchy some days, don’t be shy about taking it out on your man. I’m not saying you should be outright mean or completely unreasonable, but he will actually appreciate a certain level of unfairness from you. Most women in FLR relationships really enjoy this part - being able to vent a little without starting an argument is one of the things that makes the home-life so much more pleasant for everyone.
QUEEN TIME
The real fun starts when you become more comfortable in your new role, and you realize that this is for real. Time to discover your inner Queen! We’ll go into more details in the next few articles, but now is the time to assert your new power:
(By the way, if you have children, I trust you’ll use your best judgment and shield them from stuff they aren’t supposed to see. To improve readability I generally write as if you and your partner are always alone and free to act in any way you please, but the reality isn’t always so simple.)
The real fun starts when you become more comfortable in your new role, and you realize that this is for real. Time to discover your inner Queen! We’ll go into more details in the next few articles, but now is the time to assert your new power:
- Start making decisions that affect both of you. You can start small, like what to watch on TV, what to have for dinner, and take it from there. Before you know it it will feel entirely natural to make most decisions.
- Become more demanding. Let him know what you expect and tell him when he doesn’t perform according to your expectations. Introduce subtle corrective behavior for repeated infractions.
- Enjoy having a servant. Don’t fetch (or even pour) your own wine anymore, don’t make your own sandwiches, don’t clear your own plate after dinner. These changes are mostly symbolic, but you quickly get used to being pampered in this department too.
- Make some changes in the bedroom. Shift the focus to your pleasure and tell him exactly what you like.
These are just ideas and you should find your own way, of course, but the point is that you should start enjoying your new power. There is nothing he wants more than for you to start exploring the possibilities.
TAKING IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL
Once you’re secure in your new role and confident that he is actually happy with this arrangement, you can relax even more and really start designing your new life. Give him rules to live by, have him do the housework, have him give you the money he earns, make sex totally about you. The sky’s the limit. We’ll explore this in more detail later.
RESPONSIBILITIES AND POTENTIAL ISSUES
There’s a lot of positive things about FLRs, but they come with certain responsibilities and things to keep in mind.
A highly motivated man will be wary of raising objections, even when there is good reason to, so you need to be responsible and consider things from his perspective all the time. He does want you to be in charge and be selfish and all that, but that’s on a deep level, so in the heat of the moment he may whimper, complain and beg as part of the dynamics of your relationship, and it’s your responsibility to differentiate between what’s a real objection and what’s part of the game. He wants you to be forceful and demanding, and a natural consequence of you making the decisions (which he wants on a deep level) is that there will be decisions that he dislikes (on a more superficial level). It can be hard to know the difference at times. It helps to talk constantly, know each other well and be respectful of each other.
There’s a lot of positive things about FLRs, but they come with certain responsibilities and things to keep in mind.
A highly motivated man will be wary of raising objections, even when there is good reason to, so you need to be responsible and consider things from his perspective all the time. He does want you to be in charge and be selfish and all that, but that’s on a deep level, so in the heat of the moment he may whimper, complain and beg as part of the dynamics of your relationship, and it’s your responsibility to differentiate between what’s a real objection and what’s part of the game. He wants you to be forceful and demanding, and a natural consequence of you making the decisions (which he wants on a deep level) is that there will be decisions that he dislikes (on a more superficial level). It can be hard to know the difference at times. It helps to talk constantly, know each other well and be respectful of each other.
You also need to use sound judgement when it comes to giving him timeouts. It can be overwhelming to be expected to do so much for another person, with so little (visible) in return, so he may feel the need for an occasional timeout. I recommend that you mostly grant him these. If he signals that he needs timeouts too often for your liking it may be a sign that something is wrong anyway, in which case it is certainly not a good idea to just carry on. Take a break and talk about it. Maybe the whole FLR thing was an exciting fantasy for him, and it didn’t work out so well in real life. It happens.
Mostly, an intelligent and sensitive women can navigate these waters just fine. It’s just something to be aware of and keep in mind as you continue to push him harder.
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