What Being a Slave Means to Me

Surrender.

To surrender onto slavery is not a choice. It is a release. If you choose to say yes, then you can choose to say no. Then you think carefully before every action. That is not slavery.

Slavery is responding as if the command and you are one. This is the patriarchal joviality and liberation of the protection, submission, safety, worship and love of your Master or Mistress. There is absolutely nothing the slave would not do that his Mistress asks of him. And the remarkable, the most beautiful part is, the true slave is not aware of the extent of his surrender.

She has utterly released her will onto her Master, and she need not convince herself of a thing. She need not sit there pondering if she is a good slave or a bad one – she simply fulfills the desires of whom she has placed absolute dominion over her life. Irrevocable mastery over her love. And in every regard it will be the love that binds them as Master and slave.

You do not only hand accross the submission of your body, but your mind and soul become willing participants – it is in every way a totality. It is in every way all-encompassing. You do not say, this I will give, and this I will keep. Your will no longer belongs to you. It will be so that in your total protection of your master you have acknowledged with whole heart that your will and his are entwined within the Universal dance.

Respect.

Everytime the slave meets his Mistress, he greets, he bows, he kneels, he stays knelt until she asks of him to perform otherwise. This is the act of obedience and respect that is a gift from the Mistress onto her slave. To allow him to show such respect is the most valuable gift in such a partnership, and this must never be forgotten. To forgo this intricate and tangible previledge would quickly send the Mistress and slave’s divine link into disarray. This respect is the stepping stone to all the lessons that follow.

The collar is the symbol of submitting absolute control towards their Master. It is with the collar that the permenance of the relationship extends past all notions of time and space. Everything begins and ends with the collar. The slave who cares for his collar as if it is precious abrosial nectar of the Gods, is the slave who earns the worth of having meaning to his existence.

The lesson of respect is without doubt the stream of wisdom satiating and underlying every act of the Universal law – infact to the ordinary onlooker witnessing the exchange between Mistress and slave, the more they becomes aware of the emanating respect… the more they realise the significance, the virtuous nature of the exchange, that in itself reveals the depth in which Master and slave understand their responsibility. And respect is the cause for which the slave does not refer to their Mistress by name.

Some things are eternal signatures, signposts, of the cause for which the dance of domination and submission exists. To refer to the ruler of your soul as Master or Mistress is to keep in the forefront of your every intent the fluid lucidity of your surrender. Respect is what makes mankind cherish their existence. Respect is what teaches you not only to have the cake, but enjoy it. It is that which garnishes with translucent affection the quality of love. Respect is the most necessary ingredient in life, and for most of us, that which is dreadfully missed. We cannot enjoy the quiet walks, we cannot enjoy the sunsets, the people around us, the good and bad alike, we cannot cherish the land on which we live, the resources we so languidly exhaust, the monuments that represent our identity. We are lost because we have forgotten the meaning of respect.

We do not respect the mother, or the father, we take what we have for granted, affording a single tear, at most two, for the tormented souls who have less than nothing, and we go on ravaging that which surrounds us – taking no pleasure in our actions, all a flailing notion of make-believe. Because we do not know respect. And the Master-Slave relationship is the Universe’s gift onto mankind so that we may remember. Simply by this submission the freedom that encompasses our being makes every breath taste as sweet as the freshly dipped honeydew of the early morn’. We will breathe in every moment with a gratitude that fills us to the brim with tranquility. Like pouring rain beckoning you to join the frolicking dance of life everything will be born anew. Why do you think the religions have brought so much peace to any man who has truly surrendered to it? Not because of any God. But because he actually surrendered – he learnt respect for himself by this act.

The Unimportance of Yiffing (Sex).

So before we go onto anything else, let us right here, right now, dissuade you from the grave misconception of the submission/domination dance. And that is, everyone’s favourite topic – yiffing. A Master doesn’t fuck his slave. He is not supposed to abuse that power. It is the joining of two souls… a union that is used with glorious skillfulness to again teach respect – there is no giving and taking in the lovemaking of Master and slave – there is only release. Now how can this be shared, be taught, be lived, if the slave and Master mistake the union of lovemaking as the core principle of their relationship? Submission and domination has deteriorated into an object of lust. It has gone so far as to be regarded an avenue of sexual adventure. People come searching for slaves or Masters in order to be adored and used and abused, because they get a kick out of it. It has become a means to punish your tormented soul further in order to provide a short-lasting, constantly unquenched pleasure.

The unimportance of yiffing must be known if you truly wish to understand the purpose of all this. If you are seeking lust, you will never grasp what a Master/Slave relationship is. You will of course understand more about what it is to create extra drama and power struggles in your life. You think it’s kinky to be handcuffed to the bed, to be completely ripped clean of all control and had every which way. Strangely enough, it is only your unconscious understanding of the liberation of surrender that, in a misunderstood stupidity translates it to be merely the giving up of your body. But we’re not going down that path. You’ve come to the wrong place.

The surrender is of body, mind, and soul. If it is the body alone you are willing to give, you have come to the wrong place. There are enough assholes out there ready to torment and abuse you. Enjoy. But here, here wisdom is all that is shared. Love is the leash. Thus it naturally translates into the unimportance of yiffing in the divine act of surrender. It can be well explained by the situations where you yearn for your Master’s affection… by the nature of punishment. There is perhaps no greater punishment for a slave than to be ignored by his Mistress. In every drop of – every tick of the clock, as your Master completely forgets your existence, the feeling of worthlessness floods resevoirs and lakes within the soul. Yet the true Master himself feels not only his own pain, but even that of his slave. He ignores his slave until the slave holds no expectation of being noticed.

As long as the slave is expectant of affection he has not understood surrender at all. And when he has surrendered, he will wait patiently at his Mistresses feet. He will not abhor being ignored.. he will not feel special or prideful at being awarded attention. His Mistress’ every glance at his direction will bloom in abundant vicissitudes of joy. Yet he will not crave the joy. It is this acceptance that is the signpost of surrender. All the protection and loyalty that defines the quality and virtue of a slave stem from this acceptance.

Loyalty and Protection.

Perhaps it is so that it is the feeling of worthlessness that prompts a slave to betray their Master – when they do not trancend their own self-pity. As long as they are seeking affection, their loyalty is compromising, fleeting – here one moment, gone the next. What is worse, it becomes a menial immature game. They are spoilt and pampered and they never dropped their attachment to begin, even then they betray. The moment they do not have their wish fulfilled, they remove their collar and leave. If these are your notions, if you are coming to have your wishes brought to life, forget slavery and leave now. Stop reading now and be on your way.

A Mistress may grant you a request, or she may not. If you respond to both as equal acts of kindness, then you have fullfilled your responsibility as a slave. A Master knows that once the slave no longer holds expectations of him, he now has a slave with uncompromising loyalty. Diamond-studded unwavering loyalty. Then, and only then, the dance begins. There is a period of testing that takes place – a period where the Master with gregarious kindness masked carefully behind the face of stern discipline tests how the slave responds to denial. This is a fascinating process in itself.

Many slaves respond with an act. They behave with acceptance – and in this act they can go two ways. One, they could surpress their frustration until they break and cannot act any longer, or two, their act becomes their reality. It is both amusing and heartbreaking to see how many slaves go astray at hearing the terrorising words: no. Once the slave trancends this terror, he is then the epitome of loyalty.

Remember time and time again, you are a slave. This is about surrender. This isn’t about, “Oh, I just met the person of my dreams, my life has taken a huge turn, and now I must ask my Master for this and this and this.” He may say no. Know this now. A true Master will not pamper you and allow you to live in illusion. And it is for all these reasons that protecting your master with your life is equal to protecting everything that is precious about existence. Fail in this, and you lose all meaning – fail, and you will truly be worthless.

There are those who say, “my will is too free, and my spirit is too strong to break.” They are full of shit, and treated as such until they see – nothing was meant to be broken and nothing ever is. Those whose wills are truly free are only free because of their deep understanding of respect. Those who cannot respect a Mistress or Master are not capable of respecting themselves. Of all things, if you understand this, then you may be ready to begin.

Safety.

There is a difference between submission and surrender. When you submit to your Mistress or Master, and they tell you to walk through fire, you walk through even if you don’t want to. When you surrender, and are told to walk through fire, you walk through without thinking, because you know you are safe. Submission is valuable, but surrender is a thousand notches up the scale. The safety of a Master is the incredible knowing that nothing can hurt you because you are following the path of righteousness. Of course, you may still be burnt by the fire – yet nothing can hurt you. It is in every way the phenomenal understanding – trust – in a pervading goodness. There are a few criteria that must be met to earn this trust…

How many of us believe that the Universe is truly out to fuck us over? Those of us who have been betrayed time and time again, so often infact, that all of a sudden that seems to be the underlying rule of social exchange. Miracles are hilarious bouts of sarcastic comedy to those who find it difficult to trust. And to those of us who see life in this way, why would you with any common sense put your life in the hands of another human? There is no sense to it whatsoever. The criteria is to transcend this vain notion of life. When you do that, all of this will make sense. Until then, domination and submission would remain a fun sexual game to play when you are bored. You wouldn’t have even scratched the surface.

It is also true that a genuine slave of integrity to his actions can even transform the heart of a diminished and uneventful Master. This is a rarity, but it is possible, and to know this is vital in understanding safety and trust. There are those who understand the heart of their Mistress, and trust her because they know her intent – and there are those who have no knowledge of the intent of their Mistress, but trust anyway because trust in itself is valuable. The lesson is here. Right here. Do not mistake safety to mean safety-net, something to fall back upon, because some Masters will not give you even that.

There are some Masters who throw you into hell to strengthen you, and there are others who are very content to leave you in your comfort zone – there is no difference between them. So, who would you choose?

Punishment.

Pain is never used for punishment, but only for pleasure. Pleasure and Pain are two sides of the same coin, but more than that, they curl into each other, whirlpool out, mix and mingle until you see they are one and the same. Within intense pain lies intense pleasure, and this is no sadistic or narcistic notion. As much as sitting in traditional tower position for hours on end, at the feet of your Master, your muscles and bones aching – agonising pain running through your veins screaming for you to move, which, with gentle and ruthless adamancy you ignore, the reckless numbness eventually surmounts to a release of bountiful bliss – and then you see that pleasure and pain indeed are one. No, pain is not used for punishment.

Punishment is being ignored. It is not being given anything at all. One can perhaps handle being verbally assaulted by their Master, one can perhaps handle even being humiliated by their Mistress, but to be ignored is the absolute worst. And in what manner is it a punishment? What is punishment in the Master/slave reality? Only ever to instill obedience. There is so much more to this divine relationship than how much attention is given to you… so very much more. Your actions upon being ignored is what builds your character. Punishment is never to curse you for a mistake and lock you away even if you have learnt your lesson. Even the punishment is one form of testing. Tests are the best of ways to chisel the dark ore to unravel the diamond within.

Think of the way one feels when they are ignored by a loved one, and this will answer all. Your sobriety, your maturity, is never quite fully tested until you are ignored. Do you sulk in those times? Do you get clingy, or do you turn possessive? Do you ignore them in return out of vile distaste? Do you feel insulted? Or most of all, do you feel excruciatingly lonely and run off in search of attention elsewhere? Imagine transcending all these reactions – which may lead you to ask the pertinent question, why would you do in a Master/slave relationship the honourable actions that you didn’t do with anyone else before? Because never before had surrender been so important, so much at the forefront of your mind – and this is why the Master constantly reminds you of your surrender. So you surrender it all, even your loneliness. And maturity is born.

Creative Ideas for Erotic Humiliation & Degradation

We get a lot of queries about humiliation & degradation, specifically about practical ideas for things to do. Not every activity is suitable for every person, but here’s 90 fun ones.

I didn’t write these, they’ve been passed around on the internet for a while, and before we get into the fun bit I wanted to add four quick pieces of advice:
• Consent. Your kinks are private, the public doesn’t consent to participate in them. Freaking out the villagers or traumatising children is not cool. A lot of these suggestions are public displays, so you’ll need to use your common sense regarding when and whether they are appropriate.
• Humiliation is much more than just putting someone in an embarrassing situation. When it’s done right it’s a hot scene for both parties. I strongly recommend Richard Sprott’s excellent talk Humiliation: Hot, Edgy and Sometimes Dangerous for a deeper insight into what humiliation is and how you can play with it. Really, it’s a great video.
• Humiliation and degradation are edge play. Sometimes you can detonate land mines that no one knew were there. Keep an eye on your submissive and be very sure that he/she is not being psychologically triggered by the activities.
• Check out our article Erotic Humiliation and Degradation for some general discussion about humiliation and degradation and more ideas.

Now that that’s out of the way, see if there’s anything here that adds spice to your life:

Clothing the sub can be made to wear:

• 1. Black or dark colour bra under thin white shirt.
• 2. Black or dark colour panties under thin white trousers or shorts.
• 3. Tights worn with shorts.
• 4. Wear a frilly bikini at the beach. [or just the bottom].
• 5. Naked or dressed in lingerie beneath a cape or raincoat.
• 6. Wearing an obviously feminine blouse.
• 7. Little girls’ dresses with high heels
• 8. Baby hats/bonnets.
• 9. Wearing your dirty underwear to work with everyday male clothing.
• 10. Standard male shirt, tie, jacket, with obvious female trousers.
• 11. Diapers, noisy plastic pants.
• 12. High heels.
• 13. No underwear, while wearing very thin white or light colour trousers, shorts.

Toys:

• 1. Slave collar (can add owner tag.)
• 2. Narrow cat collar with bell.
• 3. Single handcuff on each wrist.
• 4. Butt plugs, Can be worn at a business meetings.
• 5. Feminine necklaces and bracelets.
• 6. Feminine rings.
• 7. Cock rings.
• 8. Nipple clips. [Even better when seen through a sheer shirt]
• 9. Clip on earrings [for the pierced impaired.]
• 12. A “kitty” collar with bell, worn around the cock and balls.

Shopping scenes:

[The assumption here is that it should be obvious the purchases are for the sub]

• 1. Shopping for and trying on lingerie or dresses.
• 2. Trying on high heels while wearing nylons or pantyhose under male clothing.
• 3. Shopping for makeup, perfumes, and other female items.
• 4. At adult toy stores, purchasing butt plugs, cockrings, and BD gear, while she watches from a distance.
• 5. Having a manicure or facial.
• 6. Buying adult incontinent supplies.

Other activities or scenes:

1. Must use “Mistress”, Madame”, or “Ma’am” at all times.
2. Handcuffed to the shopping cart, while shopping.
3. Handcuffed or tied to a pole outside shops. (Waiting for Mistress)
4. Handcuffed, hands in front or back, while shopping.
5. Metal cock rings, collars, chains, or leashes when going through airport security.
6. Having him get a good tan while wearing a bra, for later exposure at the beach or while washing the car without a shirt.
7. When at a restaurant, eating in an unusual way; being fed by the Mistress; using your non dominant hand, no utensils.
8. Forbidden to speak in public.
9. Kneeling and kissing her boots, shoes, feet, or hands, at odd moments.
10. Kneeling, massaging her feet at the cafe.
11. One arm tied or cuffed under your shirt, or cuffed obviously behind you.
12. Pockets cut out of pants, and hands tied or cuffed to your thighs so you can’t remove them from
the pockets.
13. Binding your cock inside your pants with the string or rope end available to tug on.
14. Wearing a vibrating butt plug, with the controls in your pocket.
15. Your right [left?] hand is tied to your cock and balls through a hole in your pocket. Might look like you are playing with yourself.
16. Being forced to masturbate beneath the table cloth while at a restaurant.
17. You both are sitting in a restaurant, dressed completely normal. She hands you a bag of ‘stuff’ and tells you to go to the restroom and change. You worry that everyone who enters will know what you are doing.
18. You are sitting drinking a beer or apple juice. When the glass is empty, she orders you to take it to the men’s room and fill it up. You must return and then consume your “new” beverage with your meal.
19. You must take your beverage to the men’s room, masturbate, and cum in the glass/cup. Return and then consume it.
20. You have to take your underpants off, return to the table and hand them to her. She leaves them on the table in plain view.
21. On a special evening, as you travel around in a rented limousine, you are required to masturbate, trying not to be seen by the driver.
22. You are required to masturbate in your pants and continue wearing them, disregarding any spots that may appear.
23. You are diapered, taken out to a restaurant or bar and have to consume a large quantity of liquid, and are not allowed to use the bathroom.
24. Travelling by car naked or dressed in lingerie.
25. You are obviously hand cuffed to the car as you travel, or are parked waiting for her to finish shopping. A key can be attached to a thread for emergency purposes.
26. Wearing lipstick or make up so that it appears you have just tried to remove it, but missed some.
27. Having your picture taken in Santa’s lap at Christmas time.
28. She hands the controls of your vibrating plug, dildo to another person.
29. Having to show another person what you are wearing beneath the raincoat or cape.
30. Shining her boots at the cafe.
31. She spanks you.
32. She slaps you.
33. You have to kiss the ground whenever you leave a car.
34. You kiss the seat of her chair whenever she stands.
35. Ordering warm milk, or some other almost impossible item, claiming dietary need.
36. You have to eat a bite of something that has had an ash flicked on it.
37. You are taken on a nature walk, tied to a tree, for a quickie spanking.
38. One hand is cuffed to the chair or table when you are eating.
39. At a cocktail lounge, you have to sit at the bar next to the serving station and you are cuffed to the rail.
40. You are instructed to eat a meal alone, reading a copy of Domination Directory International, other Dominatrix publication, or a transvestite magazine.
41. Smoking long, obviously feminine cigarettes.
42. In a parking lot or similar location, just before you will be safely hidden from spectators, she has you pause and wet yourself. You have to walk the last few yards with wet clothes.
43. On your ‘x’ anniversary, you renew your wedding vows, this time you are dressed as the bride.
44. When you travel alone, you are required to leave lingerie or stockings drying in the bathroom.
45. You are instructed to buy a Halloween maid’s costume. Whenever you travel you must leave it hanging in the hotel room along with your regular clothing. Leaving a pair of high heels out would work too.
46. Tape rough felt or very fine sandpaper inside a shirt over the nipples. Effect should be stimulation, not damage.
47. Reciting all your rules in front of others, at her whim.
48. Temporary “slave” tattoos or other markings, hidden or not.
49. Always walking a foot or two behind her. Speeding up to open doors.
50. She pays for everything, with possible comments like “Oh I never allow him to carry money!”
51. If no seats are available, puts you on all fours and sits on your back.
52. Doing some of the “hidden” little things like plugs, nipple clamps, cock rings, in the church of her/your choice.
53. Keeping your legs shaved.
54. Keeping the genitals shaved.
55. Having ribbons/bows braided into the genital hair.
56. Carrying a doll around, brushing its hair, playing with it.
57. When dining out, sub is not allowed to order, is fed little bites from her plate.
58. While she is sitting on a chair, you sit on deck beside her, even though there are chairs available next to you.
59. Wear a cock ring with a very long, strong, almost invisible thread attached. She can pull on this anytime. Use it like a leash.

MAKE HIM BE VERBAL WHEN YOU FUCK HIM

• moan when I enter you
• call me your mistress
• tell me how big my strap on is
• gasp, sigh, yelp, pant, moan
• tell me how deep inside you feel it
• when I pull it out, wiggle your hips at me and beg me to put it in again
• reach down with your hand to feel the point where I enter you, the girth of my shaft stretching you wide
• squeeze your hole around me and tell me you want my strap on

Why aren't more women interested in femdom?

A: Because what passes as “femdom” online usually isn’t real female dominance.
It’s fantasy porn, created by men for men. It isn’t about what women want or need or are remotely interested in. It’s about male fantasy, created for the male gaze, again…

For instance, why would I, a dominant female, be interested in gang-raping a man with six of my friends while wearing tight, uncomfortable clothes and heels? Get real! Yet you see this sort of rubbish all over the net labeled “femdom”.

I have no interest in making a man wear a chastity device either. That does nothing for me. Unless I thought he was cheating…Yet internet Dommes apparently get off on NOT having sex with their subs. Weird…

And the whole degradation “I am a lowly worm” shit you see online coming from sub males. Sooooo not appealing. Ask any woman what she finds attractive (whether to dominate or not) and she’ll almost certainly mention a guy with a strong, healthy sense of self. Lowly worms just don’t do it for, well, anyone.

Online femdom is a shame. It’s no more real than porn is a genuine representation of loving sex. It’s bullshit, eye candy for unimaginative men who are too gutless to chase a truly strong woman and discover what real femdom is for themselves, in the real world.

Beta-slave - Foot worship

Foot worship is a great way for beta-slave to have sex and to be of service to superior women. Feet are full of sensitive nerves, this sensitivity makes them a wonderful erogonous zone, and because they are the lowest part of the female body, it’s no wonder that some have labeled feet the “beta-zone.” For beta males, training the mind to get pleasure by focusing on worshiping the “beta-zone” should be mandatory! Activities such as sucking toes, licking soles, massaging the arch, kissing the ankles and the tops of her feet, is all good, healthy training! If a beta is not in a relationship, then he should make time for masturbating to feet centered porn and should incorporate foot worship into his fantasy life. In addition, if a beta is in a relationship, casual or more serious, or in a relationship with a domme, getting their partner into feet is also definitely beneficial for both parties, he shows devotion and service, she relaxes and basks in his praise and reverence, all while he is pleasing and stimulating the sensitive nerves in her beautiful, goddess feet.

20 Femdom House Rules

1. The master bedroom belongs to me, and you will leave if I tell you to.
2. The master bathroom belongs to me, and you will NEVER use it and may not even enter it except to clean.
3. You will sit down to pee at all toilets. No more splashing! You will post a sign above the toilets in our house that reads: “Males are expected to sit down to keep from splashing on the seat.”
4. You will do all housework without complaint and on time.
5. You will perform oral sex upon demand.
6. You will not request oral sex. You can look forward to a BlowJob on your birthday, but you will eat your cum.
7. You may not orgasm without permission.
8. You may only masturbate in front of me and with my permission. Violation of this rule could result in application of a chastity device.
9. You will do what you are told in the bedroom.
10. You will be smooth and hair free below the neck.
11. You will not complain when I go out with my friends.
12. You will submit to spankings and other punishments whenever I say you have earned them.
13. You will make all of your finances and assets available to me.
14. Any time spent by you in activities outside the home must be approved by me.
15. You will do whatever I tell you to do, immediately and without complaint.
16. You will strip naked whenever told to do so.
17. Your clothing must be approved by me.
18. You are expected to be respectful to ALL women at ALL times.
19. You agree that all major decisions shall be made by me, including car and house purchases, moving, job change, deciding to have children, etc.
20. You agree that all violations of these rules will be met with severe corporal punishment.

Big decisions are for women, she trusts you to take care of mundane decision making.

Big decisions are for women, she trusts you to take care of mundane decision making. But with big things, men may sometimes have a good idea or an “acceptable” idea. But if we are aware of what we are and what we are worth, we will not act on our own initiative following “our idea”. Before moving a finger in that direction, we should consult with our Wife. Or rather, we’ll just suggest our idea. We will speak quietly and ask our Wife for her advice on this idea.

You must wait for the answer with humility and show a calm restlessness for Her answer, with the expression of a boy waiting for the precise advice of his mother. Whatever She decides, you must accept without questioning Her. It’s Her decision and that’s all that matters.

Do not be frustrated because you did not accept her idea, after all She took away a great weight from you and the anxiety no doubt caused by it.

As a husband, keep this in mind:
You may be able to do almost anything, but for the sake of your Wife, your family, yourself and society, you choose not to. You will only do what is expected of a man, but you will make it as perfect as possible.

You must be kind, always give in, take care of your Wife. She is the one who takes care of you, leads you, and keeps you. You must honor Her effort and Her ability over anything else.

All that is required is to acquire sufficient ability for everything to function properly in the home and for Her to find rest and relief from daily concerns. Even to be receptive of their eventual frustrations. But always with a grateful attitude.

Things that happened after I became a stay at home husband

1. I rediscovered my fitness. Suddenly I had time to take care of myself. No longer I had eye bags, I could exercise, lift weights, eat correctly. All of this may seem trivial but I was so tired and unhappy with my job and the travel time. I was this beaten up shell of myself just going through life without any care of what may happen to me. I now have time to love me and make me feel handsome, I act handsome.

2. My relationship with my wife is stronger now. Nothing says “I trust you” more than just letting her take care of me and be my provider and now she is so much more protective and loving. She has always being those things and yet she managed to give more. I learned that when a woman feels your trust and how you believe in her, she can not help but cherish you and treasure you, and I can never get tired of that.

3. She is doing so much better at her job and in her life. She gets home now only to rest, no more shared house chores. I remember her every day how great she is and that confidence goes with her everywhere, she had never been this strong and self assured and I cannot help it, I love her more for it. She loves my cooking and she gets it every day, if she’s tired I no longer drop dead next to her in bed, I make her some tea, I give her a massage. We have time to have sex, we both want now to have sex.

4. I have time to pursue my hobbies. I started this blog, I can fix or improve the house, I exercise, I cook new recipes. This is possible since there’s no need for me to work.

I know the most important part of my life, and the reason that we both are so happy is because we deeply love each other, not that I’m homemaker. We would be happy even if something bad happened and I had to go out to work again. There are also men who find their job meaningful and I will not tell any of them to give it up.

However, if there’s a man out there who can be at home, who wants to be at home but still is not sure about, talk about it with their partner, some women also want this and would like to be the provider. Life’s too short to not be happy.

We Don’t Want To Choose

Being an alpha woman who wants to smother a man with her pussy, and also be the little spoon sometime with him is not contradictory. Resassuring him when he burns dinner, and wanting to beat his ass with a paddle until he cries, are not contradictory. It’s okay to care about his favorite book, what happened at home during the day, and why he thinks he doesn’t deserve that new sweater. It’s also okay to enjoy that whimpering sound he makes when you pull his hair, and to want to smear your pussy juices all over his face while he edges himself for you. You can hold him when he stubs his toe, and still want to fuck his ass with your strapon so hard he loses all control of himself and begs you to stop .

These are the women that male masochists crave. Women who understand that caring, loving, and tenderness are not weakness. Women who are also not afraid they will break our egos. Who know that we can be both strong and vulnerable. Women who satisfy our needs and give life to our dark desires. We don’t want to choose. Masochists are greedy, and we want both

Alpha women & submissive male

The word needs to get out there and I think it is starting to become more common now that there are websites and books dedicated to the lifestyle. Women hold the power and they simply need to realize they have this power. Men cannot resist a woman who walks in her female authority. Men cannot resist female sexual power, so women need to become educated on how to release that Tigress within.~ Elise Sutton

Alpha Women naturally enjoy and gravitate to submissive men who are happy and willing to serve their wants and needs as sexual and domestic partners. Humans are very social creatures, and we like to take on life in teams. This has worked since the dawn of human civilization. Alpha Women appreciate these things in a submissive man who openly embraces his role:

1. Retrieve things for Her without being asked;
2. Enthusiastically cook for Her;
3. Keep Her home spotless;
4. Let Her have Her woman time and personal space;
5. Be excited by the idea of being a dedicated husband;
6. Abstain from any and all activities that jeopardize loyalty;
7. Take your place between her legs and orally worship Her whenever possible;
8. Provide your cock for Her to fuck or be fucked whenever She desires.

Common misconception

It is a common misconception that men who abide by reversed gender roles should feel ashamed. Unfortunately, the fact that a lot of men feel most special by submitting to their woman is often overlooked as just ‘internalized misandry’. It is okay to fall into your natural role as a submissive man. You should never be ashamed to do so just because of the expectations that others have of you.

Let her lead you. It is okay to feel more comfortable when you follow her.

Let her provide for you financially while you keep her home clean and warm with love. If your spouse or girlfriend is the breadwinner, don’t let your fragile male ego get in the way.

Let her make the decisions. You will find that a great deal of stress is lifted from your life once you surrender the uncertainty of making the wrong choice and trust in her.

Let her dominate you. Your body was built strong and big, you were meant to be protect her – not to lead her. A knight must always protect his queen.

There is power like you wouldn’t imagine in submitting to her. Do not be afraid just because someone’s definition of power is different from yours.


“One of the biggest misconceptions about this lifestyle is that a man must lose his masculinity when he submits to a woman. While some men want to be feminized and stripped of their masculinity, a majority of submissive men are still quite masculine. Many dominant women and dominant wives like to dominate a masculine male and they like to control a masculine male. What most dominant women dislike is a macho male, not a masculine male. There is a big difference. Dominant women like to strip a man of his macho ways and his male ego, not necessarily of his masculinity.

Keep in mind, you do not have to lose your masculinity to submit to a woman. You will have to humble yourself and lose your male pride and your male ego. A Dominant woman will help you with this, as she will demand that your macho ways go by the way side. That is the good news. Once you begin to submit to the woman in your life, she will help to develop your submission as your submission will feed off of her dominance and thus it will grow even stronger.”

“I do not enjoy correcting you like this dear husband, but it must be done…”

It’s okay to cry. That relieves your heart, but tears alone don’t mean much. If you cry because your body hurts you with lashes or a slap and not because you have failed in your obligations and defrauded the trust that your Wife placed in you, it means that you have not understood at all the role that as a man you must play at home…

Core of being a submissive husband...

The core of being a submissive husband is a man putting aside his own will and wishes and obeying the commands of a woman, his Wife. He serves her in whatever way she desires, be it maid, cook, or child care.

Submission does not mean that he lets himself come to harm. He must be willing to accept the woman’s commands.

If a man cannot overcome his ego then he is not ready for a life of submission. Look hard at your inner self. See if your commitment to serve and obey is real.

Cunnilingus and You

There seems to be a decent amount of confusion among the new generation of male sluts when it comes to eating pussy. Some seem to think it doesn’t really matter and it is just a foreplay thing, Others just plain suck at them (pun intended). I think it’s important you learn exactly what you need to do to please a woman with your mouth if you want to be a proper slut, and that is what this post will do.

1) Eye Contact

One of the most underrated skills needed to be a good pussy worshiper is maintaining eye contact. Watching your Queen’s reactions to your ministrations as she rides wave after wave of pleasure adds a lot to eating pussy, She can look down and see you, her sweet submissive, in your proper place beneath her. So make sure to keep those eyes up.

2) Smothering

Anyone can lick a pussy, it takes a proper slut to choke and gasp on a sloppy wet pussy as it fills his throat with its juices. Working on taking in oxygen when its available and simultaneously licking every inch of the pussy in front of you is not only suggested, it’s necessary if you plan on fully pleasing a woman who sits on your face.

3) Tongue-work

It’s not as simple as just flicking her clit or letting her grind your face until she cums, technique is important and making sure you use your tongue as efficiently as possible will make or break a pussy worship session.

4) Work the Anus

The pussy is not the only part of woman that feels good when licked, and a good submissive male will always make sure to give the proper attention to a woman’s anus. Nothing says I am yours to own and control than literally kissing her ass.

5) Cumeating

Following intercourse, if your woman has granted you permission to cum inside her pussy consider it the greatest honor, it is only proper that you should repay this honor by cleaning her pussy thoroughly of both of your fluids. Doing this will put you back into your proper sub-space following ejaculation when your sexual desire wanes. Additionally, given the female is multi-orgasmic the stimulation from your cleaning will prolong the event for her. This act alone will insure you will be known as the best cunnilinguist out of your wife’s friend group.

After her hard and difficult day at work, it’s time to offer myself to my wife to be her object of relief and relaxation…

How I keep your subby hubby feeling owned.

For the ladies, from experience of being on the receiving end here are some things that you can do:

1. Stare at his body as much as you like
2. Remove his clothes to just stare at his naked body
3. Spank his ass as he walks by
4. Feel his body almost possessively when you are in public
5. Sex ends when you want it to, his pleasure is optional
6. Move his mouth to your pussy when you are wet.
7. If you are not wet, make him get you wet
8. Randomly make him show you his cock
9. Tell him what to wear.
10. Fuck him whenever you please.
11. Sexualize him as much as possible.
12. Objectify him (he is your toy, servant, sex slave, pussy worshipper, etc)
13. Decide what he eats and order his food in restaurants
14. Randomly inspect his cock for hardness or to fondle his balls
15. When apart, make him inspect his own cock for you
16. If he begs to cum, read him a bedtime story and if he hasn’t cum by the time the story is over, he doesn’t get to cum at all.
17. He always has to sleep in the wet spot
18. He gets no bathroom privacy
19. He must ask permission to cum
20. Make him consume his cum wherever and whenever he ejaculates
21. Make him make you cum as many times as you like, whether or not he has or not

The alpha female is unique! In fact, she is the prototype of women in the 21st century and beyond.

The alphawife is a no-nonsense woman who’s supremely confident and self-assured. She knows what she wants and how to ask for and obtain it. She is a true realist: no sugarcoating for her. She likes life at its most unadulterated essence. She appreciates the good and can learn from the bad. She also knows how to make the more negative aspects and situations of life exceedingly beneficial.

She does not believe in antiquated gender roles. She is beyond stereotypes. She is a take-charge woman who makes no excuses. She is and has what she earns and deserves.

A female-led relationship

A female-led relationship, also known as wife-led marriage, is where the woman is the married head of the household and makes all the decisions. It is not a thing of whips and chains and leather (though sometimes it does become that!) – it is just a different power arrangement.

She makes all the decisions – about money, sex, housework, everything. She might ask her husband for his opinion, but she has the last word. He does not fight about it or disobey her. She does not nag, she does not play games to push his buttons – because she does not have to: they both openly accept her authority.

Some say it goes against nature. It certainly goes against the male pride of most men. But some secretly want it. They will even try “stealth submission” where they take over most of the housework and do whatever their wife wants without question – but even that is not enough for them. They want her to know she is in charge and act like it. It turns them on.

The man winds up doing most of the housework. Because she can just tell him to do it and he does it. For example, if she wants to go out with her friends while he works on the laundry, she just says it: “I’m going out with the girls tonight. While I’m gone you can work on the laundry.” No fights, no games, no nagging, no nothing.

Some other things she might say to him:

• Go get the lotion. I need you to rub my feet.
• Run my bath for me. And while I’m in there get started on the laundry.
• Get up, Sweetheart, and make me some coffee and an English muffin with butter.
• You did a nice job cleaning the bathrooms; I am very pleased with you.
• You will contact me for permission prior to using the check card or the credit card.

She not only controls their money but also their sex life:

I want a full body massage for exactly one hour; keep an eye on the clock. When you are done I want you to go down on me until I tell you to stop. Afterwards, we’ll both go to sleep. You won’t be having an orgasm tonight.

Her needs come first. His come second – if he has been good. Some say a man is easiest to control if he comes only once a month.

15 Points of a BDSM Relationship

1) Communicate- The importance of this can never be stressed enough. If you are a Dom, make sure your requirements and demands are clearly expressed. If you are sub, make sure you talk about what you need and want out of the relationship. Talk about issues that arise, joys and pleasure that you both experience, things that are going really well, and areas that need to be adjusted.

2) Go Slow- When you are starting a new relationship, or trying a new aspect of a BDSM relationship, take things slow. Nothing good comes from rushing into anything.

3) “A” sub, not “Your” sub- Just because someone is a sub, doesn’t mean they want to be YOUR sub. Calling yourself a Dom doesn’t give you the right to call subs names, or act dominate towards someone who has never given you their submission. Treat people with respect at all times.

4) The BDSM Buffet- It’s ok to take different aspects of different BDSM dynamics and create something that is unique and works for you. Every relationship is different. If you want to be in a DD/lg relationship with pieces of pet play and a bit of Master/slave dynamic, then go ahead! Find what works for you. Experiment.

5) Don’t EVER kink shame- It’s ok to not like every kink. It’s ok to be confused as to why someone would enjoy a certain activity or dynamic. But it is NEVER ok to shame someone for what they like to do (so long as what they like to do is legal, consensual, and safe).

6) No two relationships are the same- You don’t have to try to be like every other relationship. If your rules are super strict, or really relaxed, that’s fine. If you live a 24/7 relationship, or only play once a month, that’s ok! If it works for you, and makes everyone involved happy, then that’s all that matters. Don’t compare your relationship to others, and don’t make other people feel bad for not doing things the same way that you do.

7) Aftercare is ESSENTIAL- After any scene it is vital for the Dom to look after the sub. Encourage them, tell them they are beautiful, hug, cuddle, massage, kiss, sing a lullaby…whatever the sub needs (as everyone is different). If the sub is crying, make sure they are consoled. If part of the scene requires humiliation or intense physical/mental exertion, then make sure you re-assure them and give them a chance to rest. Most importantly, make sure they know that you love them, care for them, and want only whats best for them!

8) Keep going over/adjusting the rules- This goes along with the earlier communication point. Don’t be afraid to adjust the rules to meet current needs. As people grow, things change. A rule that once made sense, may no longer be required, or perhaps something that was once strict needs to become more lenient (or vice versa). This should be something that both Dom AND sub talk about, and all rule changes should be mutually agreed upon.

9) Try to switch- This isn’t a requirement, but it is a suggestion. It’s hard for a Dom to fully appreciate how beautiful and difficult submission is if they have never experienced it. Likewise, a sub who has never been dominant may not understand how hard it can be to constantly be in control. Try switching (even if it is just for a half hour play session). It gives both parties experience, and everyone will learn something!

10) Stay Safe- This seems obvious, but it should always be said. If you don’t feel comfortable in a relationship/situation….LEAVE. If you need something to stop, use the safe word! It’s the subs responsibility to make sure they are communicating with the Dom (especially if things are starting to get uncomfortable), and it is the Dom’s HUGE responsibility to make sure they are respecting all limits, and respond to safewords.

11) Explain punishments- Never punish for the sake of punishing. Don’t just create arbitrary rules just so you can punish the sub. If you are going to punish, make sure the sub knows exactly WHY they are being punished.

12) Submission is a gift- Never take the subs submission for granted. It’s a beautiful gift that needs to be respected at all times!

13) Make sure you give rewards- Don’t just be the Dom that only ever hands out punishments. Give your sub praise for a job well done, and make sure that you give them rewards as often as you can!

14) Don’t make a habit out of acting up just so you can get punished- I’m not saying to never do it…sometimes it can be a fun little game to play. However, if you (the sub) wants to get spanked or punished, it’s ok to just ASK for it! Trust me, very few Doms will turn down the opportunity to spank their sub.

15) Have Fun! BDSM should be fun. Enjoy it! Don’t take the relationship so seriously that you don’t ever enjoy yourself. Yes…a BDSM relationship is a big deal and a lot of work…but if it’s not enjoyable then whats the point? If you can’t laugh and smile with one another, play games (that aren’t always sexual), or just enjoy each others company, then you are either doing something wrong, or you are in the wrong relationship.

This is by no means a complete list. What other things should be added to the list?

Effective rule making

“Boy, no matter where i place my foot, I expect you to ask permission before sucking it or licking it. Beg me.”

I find rules incredibly hot. Being able to mold someone else’s behavior as I see fit to my own benefit is a big turn on. Below I’ll explore how to construct useful rules and the mindset to have while thinking them through.

- Lots of rules: Rules should help you craft the right headspace for your submissive. If you want him to feel like he’s in a highly disciplined environment you can certainly do that by creating a lot of rules. That requires you to create a lot of rules and remember them to enforce them. It also doesn’t allow for a submissive to enter subspace and just exist as a submissive because he needs to remain cognizant of rules. I, instead, advocate the use of fewer rules that are far stricter. For example: “Slave, before you may have food or drink, or make use of the facilities, you must first offer them to use at my leisure.” or “You must only wear clothing in public I approve.”

- Rules should have a purpose: This one sounds straightforward but you’d be surprised how easily making a rule purely for your amusement can be. Sometimes dominants can make up rules that are contradictory for the purpose of having an excuse to punish submissives. Submissives are logical people like anyone else and will know when you’re making shit up just to punishment. In this circumstance, it could simply be more productive to set aside time for punishment instead of waiting for your submissive to stumble into your clever pit trap. A submissive might fall for that once or twice, but thereafter probably wouldn’t once he recognizes the pitfall.

This brings us to the other side of that very coin. That submissives and dominants can absolutely get off on experiencing an enjoyment of pain through the lens of punishment. A submissive may feel a rush in being punished because he behaved badly and his Mistress is correcting his naughty behavior. A dominant may enjoy the cat and mouse nature of a mischievous submissive that misbehaves and is caught who he gets to punish as he sees fit. From this perspective a rule is enhancing the enjoyment of dominant and submissive, bringing an erotic thrill to protocol.

- Rules must consider the submissive: I touched on this in the article I did about punishments. SlavesAnon is a very obedient boy. He HATES to think he has displeased me in some way. My disappointment is for him a VERY severe punishment. If I were to actually punish him on top of that… he would be CRUSHED. I have a very different punishment and behavior corrective protocol for him than I would have for a boy who enjoys punishment (as described above). I do this because I know my boy. I consider who he is, and how I know him before punishing him at all. It is not unreasonable as a relationship is progressing to have a discussion about what punishments are acceptable. It is true, it certainly does impede on the fantasy made reality a bit to get submissive approved punishments, but would you rather punish someone as you see fit and potentially have him leave you and never come back or would you rather retain that submissive? You could be someone’s story or worse yet, someone’s bad experience he flashes back to when trying to trust other dominants. Take the time, have the conversation. Listen.


- Rules should be based on what’s realistically possible: This is the difference between having a submissive in chastity and codifying a rule that he must submit a photo of his locked cock once every 5 minutes to your phone via text message, and a photo once a week every week when he’s away from town. I am a big advocate that in being honest about who we are as dominants and submissives alike that we can indeed create relationships that account for our flaws. For example issues around cheating (as discussed in the relationships article). I would even go so far as to suggest that rules when initially created be acknowledged as transitional until you can try them out and see how they fit for both parties, then tweaked when and where necessary. As dominants we are responsible for our submissives and their wellbeing. That is a power we must all endeavor to take seriously.

Slave Training

Step 1: Identity Stripping

All too often a mistress foolishly believes that all it takes to have a good slave is to flaunt their power and cruelty and the slave will fall in line. This is not the case, as the key to training an obedient and desirable slave must first begin with psychological training, not physical intimidation. Much like training a soldier in a boot camp, you must break down and strip them of their former identities by keeping them in a constantly humiliated and confused state. Once they have forgotten the person they were, then you can start molding them into the slave they should be.

Identity Stripping can be done in a number of ways, but the primary focus should be leaving your new slave humiliated, confused, and feeling lost. You might shout at them constantly over even the tiniest mistake, or even accuse them of imaginary mistakes. You might even forbid them to wear any form of clothing, or put them up for public display / use where anyone can abuse for their own enjoyment. It is very important you do not use any form of positive reinforcement during this stage, or you risk breaking the hard work you’ve put in.. Even if they perform their duties to your expectations, you should react negatively. Eventually, your slave will start to respond better to your attempts to train it, and if done correctly, they may even start to agree with you the next time you address them as a “worthless sack of meat”. Then it is time to move onto the next phase.

Step 2: Identity Replacement

The slave’s former sense of identity has been taken away and now its time to instal their new identity, that of being your property. This stage should begin by training the slave to perform whatever jobs you intend for it to do in the future. Start off with simple and easy tasks, and once it starts to feel more accustomed to servicing you, then you can start to move onto the more complicated stuff.

At this stage it is now advisable to start rewarding and congratulating your slave when they perform correctly in their duties. Once they learn that obedience results in positive results, they will often start to obey more often, hoping to make their lives more comfortable. However do not mistake positive reinforcement for acts of kindness and compassion. Indeed, many slavers lack the willpower to remain dominant once they have built up an emotional connection. Your slave should always remember that they are, in fact, your slave, and when you give an order, they must follow or be punished. If they ever start to believe that you respect their opinions, or if they have any sort of ability to persuade the course of their training, you could very well end up back at stage 1, where the slave must be broken down once again.

If your slave refuses to ride a dildo in front of you simply because they believe it is too big or embarrassing, you should force them to ride it either by shoving them onto it, or using some manner of machine. The next time they undergo this training, you should leave them bound and gagged, preferably with their legs up in the air, so they can’t pull themselves off the toy without your assistance. Which you shall only give once you are satisfied with their training session.

In fact, gagging a slave can be quite instrumental in rebuilding their minds. The gag emphasizes the point that the slave has no say in what happens to them now. Mistress gives an order, and they obey, simple as that. Talking back gets punishment, saying “I can’t” gets punishment, trying to call for help gets punishment, and so on. Gags can be removed for the purpose of eating or having conversation, but only if it is with their mistress’s direct permission. Removing a gag without being told to should result in particularly jarring punishment, even publicly displayed to further crush their spirits.

Step 3: Playing with Others
If your slave begins to show that they have learned their place and follow your orders well, it is time to start introducing them to others. After all, just like training a domesticated animal, a slave can become skittish and refuse to obey when it is around strangers. If you ever have guests over that you would like to be able to use your slave as a gift, you should quickly get your slave accustomed to servicing people they have never met before.

The purpose of this training is also to ensure that your slave has not fallen under any pretensions that you have developed a romantic interest with them. All of that sexual training was purely for the sake of your entertainment, and the best way to demonstrate this point is to have them sexually pleasure strangers, as well as yourself. They will come to realize that their body is only around to be used, not cared for.

There have often been many cases where a slave who appeared to be well trained by following its mistress’s every order was suddenly acting like an untrained, fresh capture in front of guests because its mistress had neglected to introduce it to others. The slave came to believe that its duty was only to serve mistress and that the two actually had a connection that extended beyond the pleasures of the flesh. During these cases, the mistress was humiliated in front of their friends and associates, and after the guests left, the slave was harshly punished to vent its mistress’s anger.

A slave in training can also benefit from being placed with other slaves during this stage. If they are placed with a more experienced slave, they can often learn from them how to be more effective in their duties. A more experienced slave has probably learned the best ways to pleasure their mistress and avoid suffering punishment, and can pass along those techniques to your slave. Even better, however is if your slave does this for an even less experienced slave. Teaching others how to live as slaves is one of the biggest signs that your slave has come to accept their new life style, and they should be well rewarded for such a performance.

Step 4: Idol Worship
The most ideal form of slave is one who not only listens to mistress, but comes to respect, fear, and idolize them. During the course of this training, a slave should be conditioned to view their mistress as some form of god at best, or royalty at worst. They should feel helpless, inferior, and genuinely willing to serve whenever they are in your presence. By the time this stage of training is completed, your slave will no longer want to escape. In fact, you should begin to provide your slave with ever greater rewards for their continued service and submission. Better food, clothing, living accommodations, and privileges that lower class slaves do not have access to. Once they have tasted what it is to have luxuries, they will start to fear losing them again, being unable to cope with the idea of how they managed to survive without them.

This form of training can get rather messy for those who have a weak stomach, but it should be completed if you want a truly devoted slave who will never betray you. In fact, they will probably start to warn you if they detect a plot by any of the other slaves you might keep around, having come to believe that escape is impossible, or even that their life as a slave is more preferable to a life of freedom.

The course of this training involves making your slave develop a sense of dependency on you for their food, safety, hygiene, and shelter. You should remind them often that they have nowhere else to go, or that they are too old to receive a public education anymore. Their only trained skill sets involve pleasuring you, and even if they were to escape, the best they could hope for is to become a whore on the street corner, selling their body from one pervert to the next. By remaining in your home and following your orders, they are given a roof over their head, a satisfying meal, and the stability and calm of knowing what is going to happen to them. Not like the chaotic, terrifying, outside world they would be exposed to.

During this training, you should even prove to them how much better a life under you can be, and to do this, you should take them on a tour of the most miserable places in your city and force them to see how the downtrodden and uneducated live. With any luck, this will have the “scaring them straight” effect where they will become terrified of the very idea of living in such conditions, and will desperately seek to appease you so that you do not throw them out on the streets.

This stage of training will be completed when your slave is able to smile, laugh, and even take pride the next time you order them to service you, and if they can preach about your generosity and power to fresher slaves, all the better! A well trained slave who idolizes their mistress can become something akin to a priest around less experienced slaves, helping to guide their minds and their spirits into an easier transition from person to property.

These are the most favored of slaves, they receive the best rewards, they live in the best luxury, and they serve as an example of what other slaves should aspire to be, lest they become something much worse for their defiance.

FemDom Humiliation Ideas

• He has to sit when he pees, any place and any time, standing is not an option for 3 days.
• Tie a pink ribbon tight around his balls and make him wear it for one week.
• Write something degrading on his body with a permanent marker.
• Make him wear a pair of your panties when he’s out with his friends.
• Make him shave all body hair from the neck and down.
• Drag him into the shower and pee on him.
• Make him ugly. Use nose hooks, a open gag, which forces his mouth open and bind his arms back so he has to push her tummy out and them spank him until he got tears. When he has tears and saliva and nose stuff covering his face he will feel very ugly.
• Tamper with his food: spit in it, make him cum in it, use flavors he hates or make a smoothie of his food.
• Ordering a pizza and making him answer the door in his underwear: thong, jock-straps, panties etc.
• Make him use a strapon when you want some fucking. Why should you have to suffer not having a good fucking just because he hasn’t earned a place inside his Goddess? 
• Deny your sub’s orgasm for an entire week. Reward him with a nice blowjob. Slowly, work your way up his body and give him a big kiss. Once your lips connect, push his cum into his mouth and make him swallow.
• Rub BenGay onto his penis and ass when is ties up spread eagle on the bed.
• Post a picture of him with his head in the toilet, and a picture when you flush out - a few flushes should humiliate him.
• Make him cam in a public room (wear sunglasses so identity is kind of hidden), use ice to size his penis down to a minimum and show him to a roomful of horny guys/girls.
• Make him sleep with your favorite strap-on dildo in his mouth! 
• Send him on a public errand with his own cum on his face, clothes or hair. 
• Controlling and limiting his toilet access. Restricting the number of times he can ask to use the toilet in a day and restricting the time he can spend on the toilet. 
• Keep him on his knees or bent over with using the ancient torture restraint called “The Humbler”.
• Take him to a professional (fetish) photographer and have him photographed nude, tied, and exposed. 
• Take measurements of his body, penis size (erect/flaccid) and the depth of his throat and ass. 
• If you really want to humiliate him you first need to find his shame, what he sees as humiliating, and use that as the basis for your plans. The easiest way is of course just to ask him.

Verbal humiliation and degradation

• Animal play—describing the submissive as a pet, dog, girl, or bitch; making the submissive eat and drink from pet food and water bowls.
• Verbal belittlement, with such words as slave, boy, girl, missy, and pet.
• Insults and verbal abuse, such as fat, ugly, stupid, and worthless.
• Degrading names, such as slut, shit, bitch, and whore.
• Racial and ethnic slurs.
• Slighting of body parts and behaviors, such as disparaging or cruel references to breasts, facial appearance, genitalia (including size), buttocks, and slighting of such mannerisms as walking, responsiveness, and standard of self-care.
• Requirement to ask permission for everyday activities, such as going to the toilet, spending money, and eating.
• Forced repetition, such as the submissive’s being obliged to repeat commands that he or she has been given and to confirm them.
• Forced flattery, such as agreeing that every decision that the dominant makes is wise, correct, and justifiable, while additionally praising the dominant’s physical and personality traits.
• Mockery, derision, and ridicule.
• Scolding of the type commonly reserved for children.

FemDom Edition - What Can You Handle ?

A lot of men say they want to date or marry a dominant woman, but can you really handle it - please write the numbers of the following activities you can handle.

1. Dominatrix / Domme - a women who assumes the dominant role in bondage, discipline, and other activities, and who derives pleasure from having a man submit to her physically, psychologically, and emotionally.

2. Corporal Discipline - whereby the submissive male is spanked, whipped, or caned.

3. Tease & Denial - whereby the male submissive is sexually aroused or stimulated without climax.

4. Strap-On Penetration / Pegging -a sexual practice whereby a dominant woman penetrates a man’s ass with a strap-on dildo, for her pleasure, not his.

5. Forced Feminization -the practice of switching the gender role of a male submissive, often through forced cross-dressing, whereby the male is dressed up in female attire, ranging from wearing panties to being fully dressed in feminine attire, lipstick, and make-up.

6. Golden Showers -whereby a dominant woman urinates on a submissive man to mark him as her bitch, and often makes him drink it.

7. Eating Creampie (whereby the submissive male is required to lick out and clean up freshly-ejaculated semen from the dominant woman’s pussy, his own, as well as the cum of other men).

8. Enforced Male Chastity -whereby the male submissive’s penis is locked up in a male chastity device designed to prevent masturbation and sexual intercourse, which device also restricts his ability to get an erection.

9. Cuckolding -a sexual fetish whereby the female openly has sex with other men, whether or not her primary partner knows about it or approves.

10. Bondage - whereby the male submissive is physically restrained by various means, for various purposes.

11. Cock & Ball Torture - whereby the male submissive’s genitals are physically abused and tortured.

12. Extended Face Sitting - whereby the dominant female sits on or over the submissive male’s face for the purpose of oral service of her pussy and her asshole.

13. Ruined Orgasm - whereby the male submissive is provided with stimulation only up to the moment when orgasm is inevitable, and then suddenly stops all stimulation just as his orgasm begins, thereby denying him full orgasmic satisfaction.

14. Forced Oral Service - whereby the male submissive is required to orally service either men or women, as the Domme may decide.

15. Forced Anal Penetration - whereby the male submissive is required to offer his ass to another man, and take the cock like a bitch.

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A SUBMISSIVE AND A SLAVE?

Well, if I had a dime for every time someone asked this, I’d be writing this on a laptop on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean. Lately I’ve resisted the urge to answer this question, because I know someone else will argue every conceivable explanation and I can put my time to better use on other more definable philosophical arguments, like how many chucks could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

But since people will still be asking this question (and I’ll still be unable to resist the compulsion to answer) when I’m 97 and senile, I might as well go ahead and write my “definitive” answer to this question now; that way it won’t matter if I go all soft in the brains department, I can just refer to my notes that say, “This is your opinion on such-and-such, remember?”

So what is the difference between a submissive and a slave?

I could begin by telling you what others might say, or have said:

1. A submissive is someone who negotiates; a slave does not
2. A submissive has limits; a slave has given up all limits except those which his/her owner sets for them.
3. A submissive obeys and serves by choosing to do so each time and retains her will. A slave initially makes a choice to obey his/her master/mistress at all times and then submits to the will of his/her master at all times.
4. A submissive accepts submission, while a slave accepts obedience.
5. A submissive has retained some rights within the context of the D/s relationship, whereas a slave has given up all rights and becomes, in effect, property.
6. A submissive is owned, but a slave is possessed.
7. A slave is not allowed to sit on furniture or wear clothes, and always kneels at his/her owner’s feet.
8. A submissive has a safe-word to end play, while a slave has consented to no-consent.
9. A slave must be a submissive, but a submissive is not necessarily a slave.
10. Being a submissive is just a step on the way to the “ultimate” state of submission, which is being a slave.
11. A slave is more submissive than a “mere” submissive. Submissives are just playing; slaves live the lifestyle.
12. A submissive has more self-respect than a slave. Slaves are crazy, because who in their right mind would want to be a slave?

Yada yada yada. This is about the point where the fistfights and hair-pulling begin, and someone eventually is provoked to lob the ultimate holy hand-grenade of judgment: “You’re not a real submissive/slave!”

All of the above definitions are something I’ve actually heard people say, or read in various books or websites. Some of them are things I’ve subscribed to at one time or another. Some of them are completely true for the way a particular person lives and functions and perceives themselves as either a slave or a submissive. Some of them are pure bullshit. But this gets me no closer to a final answer.

Maybe we might get further asking what a submissive and a slave have in common. Both have a deep need/desire to submit/surrender/give up at least some part of their will/control/power to a Dominant. They most often “need” this because pleasing and/or offering service to a Dominant who has earned their trust, their respect and (generally) their love, is an integral part of a submissive/slave’s fulfillment and satisfaction.

[Note: upon the first posting of this article, someone has already disagreed with this paragraph, on the grounds that they desire being controlled purely for the love of being controlled, not because they wish to please and/or serve.... so here i now add the caveat of saying, Okay a slave or submissive both need to give up some part of their control/power to a Dominant for whatever reason that motivates them. Fair enough? I think the ultimate point of this essay is that I am most assuredly not trying to limit or define or anyone in a negative way.]

So if we follow this “common ground” to its natural conclusion, then a submissive and a slave are really the same except for the extent to which they submit. A slave submits more of themselves (all of themselves?) to their owner.

Ah, but, what is “more”? “More” than who’s less? Just like that, we’re back in sticky territory once more because everyone wants to quantify and measure the degrees of submission (and even of mastery).

I visualize all of us on this great big sliding scale: Dominants on one end, submissives on the other. On the far end of the dominant side are the masters and mistresses, whose personalities and needs to control compel them to take on the added responsibilities that come with “owning” either a slave or a submissive; further, their experience has earned them the right to that title.

On the other end would be those with submissive personalities, needs and desires. (I differentiate between “desire” and “need.” Desire, to me, is a luxurious word, a word of craving, as in a “desire for chocolate.” I’ve never heard anyone say that they desire food, but always they need food. A “need” is reserved for something you cannot do without. The more a submissive needs to submit (as opposed to merely desiring it), the further out on the slide they go. The more control they need to surrender, the closer they come to slavery.

I chose the phrasing of that last sentence quite deliberately: “the closer they come to slavery.” True slavery does not exist, and cannot exist in this country.

Even if an individual agrees in every imaginable way to “be” a slave, there is no court in the United States that recognizes slavery, consensual or otherwise, as a valid status. If that slave decides to stop being a slave, there is no legal means to force them to return to that state, even if they signed a dozen notarized documents and have their owner’s name branded on their ass. If leaving is an option, then is it really “slavery?” What we call slavery in the Lifestyle is a carefully crafted and maintained fantasy, even if it is fuelled and compelled by very real needs, and lived 24/7 in very extreme states of control and obedience.

[Sigh. And if you think i'm being overly sensitive or exaggerating the extent to which people will always -- and i mean ALWAYS -- find something to disagree with/argue about in any statement you make, no matter how broad and inclusive you try to make it, then let me also point out that already someone else has taken issue with the previous paragraph as well. Why? Because I said that slavery does not and cannot exist in this country. They sent me links to various articles about illegal immigrants who are kept in "slavery" for illegal wages, in illegal conditions under the threats of blackmail, violence and other criminal acts of fraud and deceit. I respectfully point out that while such things do exist, they are still illegal, and not sanctioned by the laws or government of this country. Jesus, talk about not seeing the forest for the fuckin' trees.... ]

The sliding scale theory works until you start trying to make marks to represent the “measure” of submission or dominance in an objective, rather than subjective, way. A yardstick works because somewhere, someone, once upon a time, decided that a certain amount of linear space is called an “inch” and everyone else agreed to adopt this objective unit of measure. But there is no comparable measure for our lifestyle – there is no inch, centimeter, foot or yard.

I once helped Sir work up a presentation for college class of social workers, trying to educate them on the basics of SM and kink, so that hopefully if they encountered it in the field, they would not freak and take someone’s children away from them. We tried using a linear scale to represent the “broad spectrum” of sexual expression.

On the Power Point slide, I used a sweet little picture of nun on one end marked “absolute celibacy.” On the other end, I placed a photo of a studly dude decked out in full leather and chains, brandishing a riding crop. Then, we began laying out the behaviors in between the two. After the nun, I put “masturbation,” followed by “heavy petting” and “oral sex,” then “heterosexual-missionary-position-sex-with-the-lights-out.”

“But not everybody would put oral sex before typical intercourse,” Sir remarked. “Why did you put it there?”

“Bill Clinton,” I remarked dryly, thinking myself very witty. “I read somewhere that most teenagers today don’t even think a blow job is having sex.”

And it kept getting more and more problematic with every sexual activity or proclivity we added. Anal sex? Do you put that before or after “exploration of the entire Kama Sutra”?

I know some women into SM that can take being beaten bloody, but they WILL NOT do anal even with their husbands. And if you consider gay and lesbian orientations, then the placement of anal sex, oral sex, fisting and the use of dildos are going to be different than where a “normal” heterosexual might rank it. You can’t put “swinging” before SM — or vice versa — without either group howling in outrage if you imply either behavior is more “extreme” or “far out” than the other. (Many swingers think SMers are sick and twisted, while many in the Leather Lifestyle still hold monogamy as a gold standard for “decency.”)

In the end, we admitted that a linear chart of sexual behaviors couldn’t be anything but the broadest generalization, not to be taken literally, because the placement of each activity is potentially different for every single person in the world. What is “kinky” to one person is “normal” to another. It’s the same problem with my attempts (and everyone else’s) to make a scale for dominants and submissives.

You can generalize the end points of the scale, but there is no way to measure the degrees in between because every single person in the Lifestyle is measuring according to their own yardstick. One person’s inch is another person’s mile.

One submissive may find being naked in front of strangers is a huge amount of control to give up – for her. But another who considers himself slave may feel the nudity isn’t a big deal at all. Another “slave” may consider breath control a hard limit – no way, they will not do it! — while another “submissive” enjoys breath play and does it regularly. And while I personally can enjoy very brutal anal sex (without preparation or lube) even when I am only “bottoming,” another “slave” or “submissive” cannot and will not participate in that activity.

When I was a slave to my master – and that is what I considered myself and what he considered me, placing all my limits at his discretion — I accept polyamory and swinging, which some others who considered themselves slaves could not condone in their own relationships. And while I allowed him to control how I dressed, who I fucked, what toys he would use, even whether I would breathe or not, there was always one area that he never attempted to control, and I would have been really uncomfortable and unwilling to give up — that of my personal finances. Yet many slaves believe that you cannot be a “real” slave if you cannot give over complete control of all areas of your life, including your money.

But even in my vanilla relationships, including an eleven-year relationship where we owned a home together, we never even discussed a joint bank account. If you consider this one area of my life, there are a million married vanilla women who are more “slaves” than I have even been, or will ever be.

I mention these specifics to demonstrate how many variations and levels there are, not just in the Leather Lifestyle, but in life period. Every role in the SM community is eventually tailored, like a fine suit, to fit the individual as they grow, evolve, discover themselves and what works for them.

The identity of your partner will further tailor your particular suit. While your “suit” may look a lot like someone else’s, it will never fit anyone else in quite the same way. So why do we keep trying to pull roles “off the rack” for other people, sometimes even ourselves?

The minute you start trying to define what makes one person this and another that, you start comparing. When you compare two things that are not exactly same, you will always find one or the other lacking in some way.

But that “lack” only has meaning in the comparison to that other object. Every other thing in the world will be less or more, depending on what you compare it to. Apples and oranges, my friend — apples and oranges! You may like one better than the other, but that doesn’t make an orange any less “real” or valid a choice than the apple.

If you continually compare your life —your mind, your heart, your soul — with someone else’s, there will always be something that makes you feel less or more, somehow “lacking” or superior— and in both cases, you are paying more attention to what someone is or isn’t, even yourself, than rejoicing in what you are.

With comparison comes judgment, which can only be based on a personal viewpoint. You cannot unplug yourself from what you know and feel and experience. Judgment is the first step towards prejudice, stereotypes and intolerance. All of which are antithecal to a lifestyle that is based on the need for personal expression and rejects being forced to conform to society’s view of “normality.” We all came here to be who and what we are, not what anyone else told us we should be.

In my journey, I was a “slave” because that was what I needed and wanted to be. That is what my master needed and wanted me to be. It was an ideal we were both striving for, not a definitive “thing” we would ever be able to achieve. Submission did not seem a strong enough word for us to contain all the needs and fantasies we both brought to our relationship. So we chose other words — Master and slave — that seemed to convey our goals more clearly.

Whether those words meant the same thing to anyone else was ultimately beside the point. Who should really care whether I, as “slave,” sat on the furniture or not? Kneeling or standing, my heart was the same. We were tailoring our leather skins to fit us, not anybody else. And why should we? Those skins were ours, and we would never ask anyone else to wear them.

In the end, my personal conclusion is simple. Submission is a personal journey, always fluid. Slavery, while “generally” the more extreme end of submission’s sliding scale, is more useful as an ideal some strive for. And it doesn’t really matter in the end. What is submission to you may not be submission for me. What is slavery for me may not be slavery to you. The only definitions that really matter in your life are your own, and the person(s) you serve.

We are, ultimately, the only ones who can decide who and what we are. I began this path to find me, not someone else. I departed from the vanilla norms because those skins did not fit me, not merely to find another set of standards to conform to.

So don’t worry about the difference between submissive and slave. It’s purely up to you and the One you submit to to decide. Stop poking about other people’s wardrobes and concentrate on constructing your own.

Choose the material that most appeals to you, the pattern that fits you best… then alter it, take a snip here and tuck there… let out a seam if it binds…embellish it with all the spangles and ribbons and colors of your fantasies.

And wear it with pride. It’s a one of a kind.

Rules / Contract

The undersigned slave hereby agrees to the following

Contract is in effect for a period of 30, 24 hour days, from — AM Month/Day to 9 PM. Month/Day. 1 during which time slave may not request any modifications of this agreement . At the end of 30 days this agreement may be terminated, modified or automatically renewed untill the end of the year as indicated by continued execution of this agreement for a period of 24 hours beyond Month/Day.
Mistress may terminate or modify this contract as desired but slave will comply with all the terms and conditions for the periods stated without recourse or complaint.

slave shall be used by the mistress at any time or place at her discretion 24 hours a day.

• slave must request permission to leave for social or optional activities.
• slave shall not be excused from service for minor illness or physical discomfort.
• slave may be utilized throughout the day and night without regard to his dress, sleep or other considerations.
• slave may not bathe or care for his body for personal comfort without permission of Mistress or release from duty. This includes dressing.
• slave is available for inspection and observation at all times.
• slave is required to be available to perform household chores and tasks at all times. Upon completion slave must request inspection.
• slave shall follow all Mistress orders immediately; without question or hesitation (unless there is unrealized risk).
• slave is required to observe proper slave decorum, demeanor and preparation.

slave will be punished for unacceptable behavior including: rudeness (to mistress and others), temper tantrums, insults, etc.

slave may also be punished for failure to perform satisfactorily or follow the rules and agreements of this contract and any addendum.

SESSIONS:

Sessions are utilized for punishment and as a means of training the slave.

Sessions are used to reinforce the Mistress’ dominance and control over the slave and to provide pleasure and amusement to Mistress.

Sessions may involve the binding and gagging of the slave for extended periods of time. The slave will be made to endure fairly extreme discomfort. This is usually from stretching, tying, lack of movement,
etc., with the addition of whipping, nipple clips, b.p.’s etc. Mistress will check on the slave often. slave shall endure punishments administered by Mistress without complaint.

A safe word or signal has been established for use by slave for release when it is not possible for him to endure further punishment or the level of pain inflicted. 2 grunts or “YELLOW” mean lighten up, 3 grunts or “RED” means release now.


Sessions will always end with a cuddle and hug and feedback.

Mistress shall from time to time inquire about slave’s thoughts, feelings, (both mental & physical) and ask him to describe them. This will not be taken as a means of complaint from the slave, but rather a means for the Mistress to judge the effectiveness of her program. Should slave word his response in a way which may be interpreted as a complaint, the cause of the complaint shall be increased or further extended.

slave shall purchase equipment as requested by Mistress.

Mistress is in total control of the slave’s sexual release. Release is not included in sessions unless utilized for cum eating or while trying to satisfy the Mistress.

slave gives himself to his Mistress for her pleasure, service and amusement without any expectation of receiving anything in return other than the satisfaction received from pleasing his Mistress by the performance of his requested duties. But obviously this is predicated by the establishment and existence of a Mistress/ slave relationship. slave feels great satisfaction by being able to serve his mistress and satisfy her demands.

Mistress recognizes that slave has needs as part of relationship and that these needs must be addressed on an ongoing basis. To a great extent the motivation for the slave to dedicate himself to his Mistress is based on the manipulation of these needs by his Mistress. slave recognizes that Mistress is free to tease and torment her slave sexually and encourages her to do so as a means of training. As part of this relationship the ongoing reminder that Mistress is the owner of slave’s sexuality is necessary for the proper control and motivation of her slave. slave cannot and will not demand or require relief from his Mistress other than that which is offered by her. slave may beg Mistress politely not more than twice in a 30 day period.

Slave recognizes that it can be frightening for Mistress to be in a position that could possibly be hurtful and realizes that her doing so is not deliberate and will discuss it with her afterward.

Mistress will review current literature, internet news groups, etc. will keep her up to date on current thoughts, techniques, safety information on Femdom & DS. This will enable her growth into and formulation of her own individual style of dominance.

slave shall ask Mistress to speak to her privately when he needs to convey to her his concern over important family matters. Verbal, audible or facial comments will not be allowed and will be severely punished.

we agree to continue this arrangement and to maintain patience and open communication.

At the conclusion of the full 30 day period, slave shall be eligible to have his behavior and performance reviewed by Mistress. If she gives slave a good or better evaluation he shall then be treated accordingly by being granted a greater level of freedom and general autonomy. Routine punishment, discipline and further refresher training shall be at the discretion of the Mistress.



______________________________

Mistress

______________________________ signed on the 1 st. of Sept. 1995
Slave



Re: slave Demeanor, Decorum, Appearance, Schedule and Chores (during 30 days of refresher training)

1. Demeanor

slave will always address and answer Mistress in a respectful manner and tone.

slave will always maintain a respectful and attentive demeanor.

slave must always think of and address himself as a lower case “s”.

• When in Mistress’ presence slave will always stand with heels approximately 18 ” apart.
• When told “down” slave will immediately prostrate himself at mistresses feet. Forehead to floor and not move until released with “up.”
• When told” strip” slave will immediately remove all clothing.

2. Decorum

slave will always behave in a slave like manner.

• slave will ask Mistress’ permission prior to doing anything (except breathing) when she is present in the house.
• slave will always open and hold doors for Mistress (and allow others to pass before proceeding himself).
• slave will greet Mistress when she returns home and assume a prostrate position, in front of her, not moving until released (she will announce herself with the intercom and let him know if she has company. If she does he will follow “public” protocol.)Whenever they meet at home, he is to follow “greeting” protocol.
• slave will immediately report to Mistress, when he returns home and assume a prostrate position, in front of her, not moving until released.
• When in public slave will greet Mistress with a kiss.

3. Appearance

slave will always look available to satisfy Mistress’ every whim. 3. Appearance

• slave will always look available to satisfy Mistress’ every whim.
• slave will be clean shaven at all times.
• slave will wear silk shorts (he may have jogging shorts and shirt at hand for a cover up) at all times when at home to signify his constant availability. (Exceptions; when exercising, doing chores or when he willbe leaving for a preapproved activity or appointment.) Mistress does not anticipate that weather will be a factor but will take into consideration if need be.

4. Schedule

slave will bring all calendars to Mistress each evening and discuss the next day’s schedule with her.


All appointments must be preapproved. Some spur of the moment changes may be allowed, but will be punished for.

BP, nipple clips and parachute will be worn daily. Length of wearing dependent on schedule.

The following is the normal days schedule. Morning activities must be completed before any other are begun (no exceptions.)

Mornings:

• slave will report to Mistress no later than 9 PM.
• slave will be prepared to insert BP if requested.
• Between 9 PM and rising slave is to move only on hands and knees.
• slave may only rise directly in front of an object he needs to reach & must then resume a kneeling position.
• slave will urinate during this time from a kneeling position.

5. Chores

slave will perform the following at the stated interval:
• clear kitchen after dinner – daily
• clean kitchen after breakfast – daily
• vacuum, wash and rinse kitchen floor – weekly. Mondays
• vacuum; upper house , incl. lvg rm furniture, Tasha’s corner – twice weekly. Tues & Fri
• vacuum; lower house – weekly.Tues & Fri
• clean bathrooms; tub, shower, toilet, sink and counter – weekly.
• (lower; eliminate tub & shower) Wednesday
• wash Mistress’ car – as needed.
• carry down laundry – weekly – Mondays.
• carry in groceries and parcels – as needed.
• clean catbox – weekly.
• take out garbage & recycling – weekly.