Submissives Bill Of Rights

*NOTE* the following is a post that I found online many years ago (back in 04), I know that many who might well read this will disagree with it in part or for all of it, but I am posting this because I wish to do so and because TO ME some of it holds very much true regardless of your dynamic (but again its how I see it and I know other’s have their views on the matter).

A Submissive’s Bill Of Rights

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT: YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE TREATED WITH RESPECT . Not only do you have this right ~ you have the right to demand it. Being submissive does not make you a doormat or ANY less of a person then anyone else. The word “SUBMISSIVE” describes you nature and in NO way diminishes you as a human being.You have the right to respect yourself as well.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT: to be proud of what you are and not have feelings of shame and reproach. Your submissive nature is a gift and should always be a source of pride and happiness for not only the Dominant but you as well.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT: to be safe. Being submissive should not make you feel afraid insecure and threatened submission is not about living on the edge or flirting with fear, in any situation you should feel safe or their can NEVER be any TRUE surrender.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT: to your emotions and feelings. Your emotions and feelings come from you and are just as valid as anyone elses. You have a right to them. Those feelings Whether positive or negative, make you who you are and suppressing them will only bring you unhappiness later. It is YOUR job to be open about those feelings with YOUR Dominant.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT: to express your negative feelings. Being submissive does not make you an object that no longer has negative thought and/or concerns. Your concerns are real and you have the right to express them. If something doesn’t feel right, bothers you, makes you feel bad or you just don’t like, say so. Failing to express youR negative feelings could give the mistaken impression that you are pleased and/or satisfied with something that is not pleasurable or agreeable. You can NOT expect a Dominant to be a mind reader, until you tell them they do NOT know.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT: to say no. Being submissive does not take away your right to have dislikes and/or negative feelings about things. If something is happening or is about to happen that you are strongly opposed to, it is your duty to speak up. Remember by failing to communicate the word no is the same as saying yes. This does not mean refuse it means tell your Dominante what you arefeeling and have a discussion about it. Pushing limits is hard and your Dominant usually has YOUR best interests at heart.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT: expect happiness in life. Being submissive is not a tantamount to being miserable, suffering or a life of despair. You submission should bring you joy, peace and fulfillment. If it doesn’t something is wrong.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT: to have input into a relationship. You are an active partner in any relationship you enter and have every right to contribute to it. You are a submissive not a passive. A relationship that does not include your needs, thoughts, hopes and desires is not one you should be in to begin with. This applies to friendship, partnerships and D/s relationships.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT: to belong. Being submissive greatly involves the feeling of “ belonging”. Many submissive have stated that in discovering their submissive nature it was as if for the first time they “belonged” in their lives. You belong to the lifestyle and eventually to the One. It’s in that relationship you will feel the final fulfillment of “belonging” at last.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT: to love and be loved. Anyone who tells you love does not fit into a D/s relationship has never experience the fulfillment of it all can truly be. Submissive by nature are loving and needing of love and have the right to expect this in your lives. It takes love to bring your submission to full bloom, so don’t settle for less.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT: to be healthy. Health includes your physical, mental and emotional well-being. Any relationship D/s or otherwise that causes you to suffer physically, emotionally and/or mentally, beyond your limits is abuse! There is no place for abuse in a D/s relationship!! And it is up to you to make sure those lines are not crossed. Being a submissive does not give anyone the right to harm or injure you in anyway. The D/s community will stand behind you should you encounter this, but you are the one who has to make them aware before they can help.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT: to practice safe sex. Not only is this a right but a duty to those you may come in contact with at a later date. Sexually transmitted diseases have reached epidemic proportions and must be a concern to any sexually active person. Safe sex is something you have the right to insist upon and protecting yourself; should never be discouraged by someone who has your best interests at heart.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT: to ALWAYS have and be Safe, Sane and Consesual (SSC) and/or Risk, Aware, Consesual, Kink (RACK). There’s for many are the backbone of the Community, BDSM Relationships and D/s relationships.

Sub Drop by David Williams

Sub Drop is a term used to describe the after effects of a scene, both physical changes in the submissive’s body and mental and emotional results of the scene on the submissives mind. While the physical effects usually occur shortly after the scene, the mental and emotional drop may take days to manifest and thus are often not thought of as a result of the scene.

It is important to note that sub drop is not a sign of a bad scene or lack of enjoyment. Sub drop actually most often occurs after a very intense scene where the submissive completely releases and finds sub space and a sense of euphoria. Thus, in fact, the better the scene, the better the chance for sub drop of either kind.

Aftercare and attention to small signs can help identify sub drop quickly. Simply noticing different behaviour patterns or actions can make dealing with it much easier when caught in earlier stages. This is another reason why knowing your play partner is important.

Sub Drop: Physical Sub Drop - part 2a

Physical sub drop comes from two sources, sometimes mixed together, in some people they suffer one but not the other. Both are the result of the strenuous ordeal of a scene on the submissives body. While it may seem they just stand there and take it, in fact there is much going on and much energy being spent during a scene on the submissives part.

The first form of physical sub drop is a lowering of body temperature in the extremities, stiffness, numbness, and an over all tingling sensation. This is caused by a centralization of the bodies blood supply. The body sees the scene as a form of trauma and one of the first defence mechanisms for this in the human anatomy is to suck the blood supply into the main torso to protect the vital organs and brain.

The result of this action by the body is decreased blood flow to the arms and legs. This often results in very cold limbs after a scene and lack of sensations. When a submissives limbs are inordinately cold after a scene or when they complain of tingling, numbness, lack of sensation, stiffness, aches, or muscle cramps, these are often from lack of blood flow. A vigorous rubbing of the limbs will help to restore blood flow quickly.

Often this will leave a submissive wobbly after a scene and unsure of their grasp on items. If a submissive feels this way after a scene then it is best to have them sit down, legs extended and arms at their side while you rub the limbs to restore control. Crossing the legs or folding the arms can impede the return of blood flow and should be avoided. Laying down flat is a better way for this but is hard to do at play parties and such.

When rubbing the arms and legs, apply gentle pressure and release as you rub, this helps open the passages up to allow a greater blood flow. Cramps can be dealt with by applying a point of pressure to the direct area cramping, pushing in very gently and then releasing. This causes a fast flow of blood to sweep away the built up acids causing the cramp.

Understand that these physical manifestations are completely natural and not a weakness on the submissives part. Stretching out before a scene or after can also help lessen these effects somewhat but don’t push too hard, a submissive can actually damage themselves by doing too much when their limbs lack full sensation. The basics work best, better to do small repetitive stretches rather then one big one.

Important Note: If the submissive is not in shape and used to stretching, do not expect her/him to suddenly be doing intense stretching before or after a scene. Stretching can tear muscles and stress tendons very easily.

Sub Drop: Physical Sub Drop - part 2b

The second form physical drop can take is the result of substances and chemicals in your body; namely, sugar, adrenaline, and endorphins. These naturally occurring substances interplay with one another to bring a gambit of results much akin to the after effects of a strenuous workout.

Eating a light high protein, low carbohydrate meal an hour or so before the scene can help alleviate a lot of symptoms, just make sure to have enough digestive time before you play and make sure not to over eat and be stuffed Lots of vegetables will also add nutrients that can help the submissive recover from a strenuous scene and of course, plenty of water before and after the scene will help as well.

When a submissive is scened often their body uses a great amount of energy. After the scene is over they will feel an intense craving for sweets. This is not bad, this is their body craving sugar to replace the energy lost during the scene. Sometimes this craving is accompanied by a shaky feeling. Sugar crashes can also bring about mood swings, grumpiness, irritability, and sadness in some cases.

The best rule of thumb to follow with this is: The simpler the sugar, the faster the results. Fructose, sugar found naturally in fruits, is easy for the body to metabolize and use fast. Apple juice, grape juice, any sort of natural fruit juice will help to restore the blood sugar level fast. Soda and processed sugar take longer to produce the same results but will eventually get the job done.

Adrenaline is often released during moments of pain and stress. It creates a feeling of energy and strength, often allowing a submissive to take more in a scene or to play longer then normal. When the adrenaline rush is over though, often it will bring about a feeling of weakness, shakes, and irritability.

Adrenaline is sort of like an octane booster in our bodies. It boosts the octane there already and causes the body to burn through the sugar in the system faster. Usually adrenaline crashes and sugar crashes occur together, once the body is no longer in overdrive, it has burned up a lot of energy and needs to replace it, fast.

Endorphins are released during periods of heavy muscular exertion or pain. Not surprisingly, they are often released during a good scene and tend to bring a very euphoric feeling to the submissive. When the effect passes though, the feeling of euphoria can crash into a feeling of melancholy. Imagine feeling no pain and just as blissful as can be and suddenly that is gone. You don’t feel bad, but you don’t feel as good any more either. By itself this crash will not often affect the submissive much but, in conjunction with the sugar and adrenaline crashes, it can enhance their results.

It should also be noted that replacing lost hydration (drinking a lot of water), replacing salts (drinking Gatorade) can also help with these things as well. Muscular cramps can be caused also by a loss of potassium in the system during play, eating a banana or drinking Gatorade will help restore this quickly. Think of the physical aftercare like that of an athlete after a tough competition. The submissives body will often crave the same care and refuelling as an athlete’s would after a great exertion of effort.

After a scene and aftercare, it is common for submissives to feel hungry. Eating nothing but junk food can cause a very tired and weighty feeling. Remember, the body has used a lot of nutrients in the scene and needs those replaced. Proteins (meats, cheeses, nuts) will help the body recover but may be too heavy for immediately after a scene.

There is nothing wrong with craving sugary treats after a scene as long as you balance it out with a good meal as well later on. The results of eating only junk food can be a very bloated feeling later that night or the next day which can trigger aspects of mental sub drop (feeling unattractive,
bloated, depressed). Eating a good light meal of proteins and lots of veggies will replenish the body of the nutrients lost during a scene. It is advisable to do this when the submissive has recovered sufficiently from the scene later that same day.

If the submissive does eat treats directly after, balance that with intake of water to help flush the system as well to avoid a tired feeling. Fresh fruit is always a good thing to have on hand after a scene as it can satisfy the sweet craving, provide simple sugars, and will not leave the system bogged down with junk food.

Sub Drop: Mental Sub Drop - part 3

This form of Sub Drop is much harder to typify. It varies in such a great degree from person to person but usually takes the forms of guilt, anxiety, melancholy, depression, and or agitation. While this may happen immediately or within a few hours accompanying physical sub drop, it may also take several days to occur. It is not unheard of for it to happen a week or so after a hard scene.

Several factors may affect mental sub drop and should be discussed before play begins. Things such as mood altering medications, mental conditions, ongoing therapy, or recent events in the submissives life. It is the responsibility of both parties to share this information before a scene to avoid surprise results. That is not saying that sub drop is caused by mental instability…mental sub drop happens with or without these factors, they just may contribute and thus should be known beforehand.

While there are mental aspects which coincide with the physical sub drop, the term Mental Sub Drop is most often used with a period after a scene when the submissive is overwhelmed with feelings of guilt, isolation, and/or depression. This can happen days afterwards and can happen with a new play partner or someone you have played with a dozen or more times. It is not indicative of a bad scene and should not be taken as regret. It is quite simply the last effect of the intensity of a scene … the final burn out on the emotions.

Submissives often will have a carefree feeling after a good scene, a lessening of stress and worries. When this feeling fades it can be replaced by other, less then desirable emotions. The gambit of negative emotions is so wide as to be nearly impossible to list here but the root cause is the same. It is coming down off an emotional high. It’s that simple.

Imagine riding a roller coaster, all the dips and spins and drops and climbing higher and higher. It’s a very exciting ride. Now imagine going from that directly into a 12 hour wait in a doctors office, with no magazines or TV. Imagine going from that much stimulation to nothing so quick and then imagine the effect of that on your mind. This is a very crude example but it can help you understand where some of the mental sub drop comes from.

Sub drop can also be brought about by a feeling of disconnection. During the scene a feeling of intense intimacy can be created for the submissive (and dominant too BTW) and if that contact is not maintained in some way, a feeling of loss can set in. A feeling of isolation and disconnection is created in the void left behind. During a scene a submissive looks to the dominant for a feeling of safety, allowing themselves to feel vulnerable and exposed. That feeling of vulnerability can lead to a feeling of desertion if there is no continued contact with the submissive. They can feel used and left behind or cast aside.

Guilt and shame are also very common feelings experienced during sub drop. Sometimes these feelings are brought about by social stigmas given to BDSM play and sexual activity, sometimes they are from social stigmas about gender roles (this is especially prevalent with male submissives), sometimes they are the result of the feelings of loneliness and isolation, but most often they are a combination of all of these factors.

Many times, especially for new submissives, social perceptions of sexual roles and acceptable practices can cause confusion in the days following a scene. Society tends to look upon “kink” in a very unfavourable light and drums that into people’s heads through the media, religion, and social arch types we are encouraged to look up to. It can be traumatic when you first venture outside what is considered the normal sexual activities and left alone, some people will have a deep seated feeling of guilt or shame set in based upon these social ideals.

Mental sub drop can have long lasting effects as well. A very bad occurrence with no care given can damage or destroy a relationship, the bond of trust being severed between the two. As with all emotional things, sub drop can influence future reactions to scenes as well. It is important that every effort is made to make sure that a scening experience ends as a positive thing and not a bad experience.

The best way to deal with mental sub drop is simple, ACE:

A after care directly after the scene.
C contact in the days following the scene
E expression of positive reinforcement to the submissive

Aftercare should be more then just making sure the submissive is OK physically. It should also be a period of positive reinforcement, reassurance, and connection. The submissive is especially vulnerable in the period directly after a scene before they have regained their wits, they need to feel safe, valued, and cared for during this period so that the whole scene experience is a positive one.

Contact is essential to making sure the experience remains positive for the submissive. Not just casual contact either, be prepared to really listen and allow the submissive to express what they are feeling. Many times deep emotions come up during this period and providing a receptive outlet for them, you can help the submissive explore all the things conjured up by the scene.

Positive reinforcement is one of the most crucial aspects of aftercare. With a few kind words you can allow the submissive to feel pride in themselves. Don’t butter them up or blow sunshine up their ass … express honest thoughts and emotions to them. Compliment them on how they did and what they did well. This single aspect of after care will have the greatest affect on avoiding severe mental sub drop. Making it a positive experience can help dispel any guilt or shame felt later.

Levels of BDSM

I have referred to a listing of the “9 Levels of Submission”* at other sites over and over again. Having thought about it, I feel that these levels are too defined. I propose, instead that it takes two to make a relationship, I feel there are 4 corresponding levels, thus leading to 4 kinds of BDSM relationships outside of what one might call themselves in general.

Each person in a BDSM relationship has a responsibilities to seek out someone who is a compliment to their desired level. For example, a purely “beat me” masochist isn’t going to be happy with an “own you” 24/7 Master/Mistress. Likewise, an “own me” slave isn’t going to be entirely fulfilled by a pure Sadist who Isn’t looking to own anyone ever.

Remember, no level is better than another, only different. Of course, each is of a sexual nature to many but not to all, nor is it necessarily about the physical aspect of sex. And, most importantly, most people will find that they are a mix of two or more levels as it works for them.

The Masochist
This person gets their kicks solely from enduring the pain and the energies/reactions caused by it. They want to be hurt, their limits pushed, their physical threshold challenged. They may or may not want it culminated in sexual gratification; that would be an “added bonus”, secondary to the pain. Usually not interested in a 24/7 relationship based on pain; instead is it used as a delightful spice for sensual expression.

The Sadist
This person gets their kicks solely from inflicting the pain and the energies/reactions thereof. They want to be the source of this erotic pain and enjoy the sensuality of the torment. They may or may not want it culminated in sexual gratification; that would be an “added bonus”, secondary to the pain. Usually not interested in a 24/7 relationship based on pain; instead is it used as a delightful spice for sensual expression.

A S/m Relationship
While these people may find that they do indeed love one another and want to commit to each other, the S/m aspect is about the giving and receiving of pain. These people are together usually to mutually fulfil each others need for the sensualness of S/m. Love and sex are secondary to the enjoyment each derives from the infliction of pain. In fact, and S/m relationship can exist without the need of love OR sex on either side.

The Bottom
Very much into role playing and sexual gratification. Likes to give up control for short periods of time when doing a scene. Not into personal servitude, per say, but into playing the slave or practising the submissive side of a fetish. Not into being owned or a 24/7 relationship based solely on being the bottom. Again, its a nice way to spice their sexual expression.

The Top
Very much into role playing and sexual gratification. Likes to take control for short periods of time when doing a scene. Not into personal servitude, per say, but into playing the Master or practising the Dominant side of a fetish. Not into owning or a 24/7 relationship based solely on being the Top. Again, its a nice way to spice their sexual expression.

A T/b Relationship
These people are not looking to form a relationship based solely on the T/b aspect. It may be, however, that a relationship that has this as an integral part exists. There is a degree of power exchange, but not for long periods of time and the time spent together is full of role playing and mutual fantasy fulfilment.

The Submissive
Very much into being directed by the Dominant. Wants to give up control for longer periods of time or in more intense ways. Is very much into the erotic side of submission and into servicing the Dominant sexually, but is a little more reluctant to give in to the personal servitude. Might be into feeling a 24/7 relationship to one sole person and being collared to show commitment, but not into feeling “owned” per say The relationship is seen as something more than just “kinky sex”; a power exchange takes place.

The Dominant
Very much into directing the submissive; orders and details are important. Taking control is most certainly a priority and is very much into the erotic side of submission. May not be into being personal servitude, but is most likely interested in being serviced sexually. Might be interested in a 24/7 relationship with one submissive and collaring such to show commitment, but not necessarily into “owning” them. The relationship is seen as something more than just “kinky sex”; a power exchange takes place.

A D/s Relationship
Because there is a much more intense power exchange, or because there are longer periods of such, most people in this kind of relationship do indeed have a love or caring aspect in it; there is a certain commitment involved emotionally. The relationship can be based solely on the D/s aspects because of this. Each gets fulfilment through the giving and fulfilment of orders, attention to details, punishment for wrong doing and sexual control, but not necessarily from being owned or owning.

The Slave
Wants to be owned. A sense of security is gained by belonging to someone. Very much into servitude; so much so that they are eager to learn the little things about their owner so that they don’t need to be told something in order to get it done. Certainly into 24/7 relationships and collaring to show ownership. May or may not be open to the erotic or masochist side of submission; their pleasure is mostly derived from servitude.

The Master/Mistress
Wants to own and derives as sense of satisfaction from such. Very much into personal service from the slave and the personal attention that involves. Not necessarily into giving repetitive orders. Very interested in a 24/7 relationship and collaring to show their ownership of the property (though not always the case, it is one of the most common ones). May not be inclined to play sadistically, except to punish (if that is part of the chosen dynamic); the pleasure of the relationship comes from owning a person completely and being responsible for them (though that is by no means the only pleasures, but it is one of the most common of them in my personal opinion).

An M/s Relationship
The focus of this relationship is of ownership, either being owned or owning. A certain pride and a sense of fulfillmeant is gained from such. Slaves are almost always collared to show that they are property and the relationship is almost always 24/7 and contractual. Aspects of S/m may come into play and often sexual control is a goal but it iIsn’t always the case, the main pleasure for many is from the personal service and attention to detail the slave brings to the relationship.

Top Ten BDSM Tips by: Mistress Valencia

All of us have read, at one time or another, one of those Cosmo “Ten Ways to a Better Relationship” type articles. Most times, the tips are rehashed advice you have heard ten thousand times before. But once in a while, there is a tip that gives you a technique you might never have thought of in a million years - one that really helps your relationship.

It is in this tradition of pop magazine instant-insights that I am offering my “Top Ten BDSM Tips.” I am sure most of them will not apply to you. Though everyone should think about it just the same. Most of these tips are aimed at the Dominants. That is because the Top, for the most part, controls the action. But if a sub learns the “fine art of hinting” (Tip Number 3), I guess most of these tips can be used by submissives as well!

1. Have a BDSM tune-up every six months. If cars can have a tune-up, why not BDSM relationships? Have your submissive make a list of ten activities he/she has done in order of preference. Then he/she should write a BDSM “wish list” of ten activities he/she hasn¹t done but wants to do. These two lists should give you plenty of inspiration (and a bit of a reality check, too!) for play that will turn the both of you on. At least until your next"tune-up.“

2. Repeat your first major BDSM scene. Remember your first special BDSM scene with your partner? By re-doing your most memorable early scene, you will be able to see how far you have progressed. BDSM is one activity that gets better with age and experience. This exercise will prove it to you!

3. Learn the fine art of hinting. As a submissive, learn the subtle art of hinting. "I really liked that cock-and-ball torture demo we saw.”
Remember, it¹s always better to be slightly Toppy than bored!

4. Re-read your slave contract. Most lifestylers I know simply file away their slave contract in a drawer next to the Best Buy receipts. Both of you should read it regularly. You might be amazed how much you have let slide in your relationship.

5. Buy new toys regularly. Add a new toy to the play and watch your BDSM scening become much more exciting. (This tip really sounds Cosmo-ish!) And the toys need not only come from the Dom. Surprise your Dominant with a new toy. Any “Topping from the bottom” issues disappear when gifts are concerned!

6. Write diaries. Make sure your submissive writes a regular diary . There is no better way for a Dominant to learn about his/her submissive.

7. Read the diaries. Read your slave¹s diaries from time to time. Much like the slave contract, a diary gives you insight into your slave and a sense of where your relationship was and where it is going. Relationships don¹t run on auto-Dom. This is a great way to understand your relationship from the sub¹s point of view and make the necessary corrections.

8. Learn a new BDSM technique. As a Dom, learn mummification for example. A new scening skill is the best antidote for boredom!

9. Go to a play party. This tip is for those of you who have never been to a play party. Since you do not have to scene if you don¹t want to (voyeurism is an accepted BDSM practice), a play party is the ideal place to get new scening ideas.

10. Go over the BDSM checklist. See how your play has evolved by filling out a checklist. What a great way to discover activities that you might have overlooked. Look for play with “fives” for both of you. These are the activities that will really get your juices flowing.

Male Slave Training Slavery Lessons Care Techniques Protocol For Submissive Men – Submissive men versus Slave men

There is a difference between a submissive man and a male slave.

A submissive man and his needs are taken into some consideration. He finds happiness in serving Me, but might expect to get some sexual release. He will work hard to please Me, give Me money, buy Me gifts, (if real time): do My chores, run My errands, rub My feet, massage My back, perhaps function as My cuckold, and generally still be thought of as a man, simply a submissive man. Often, but not with every subbie (online versus real time), I will control all of his finances. I suppose you could think of it in terms of a “house slave”. A slave with some rights, and who enjoys some privileges.

A male slave is property. He lives to serve Me, as property. A workhorse. Slave labor. A slave has no rights or opinions. A slave takes demands and commands and does so with no voice. His sexuality is a non issue. For all practical purposes he has none. He never address Me unless he is asked to do so, and never ever refuses a direct command. A slave will always have his money earned from his day time job deposited into My account, I control his money as with every aspect of his life.

Male Submissive Behavior Conditioning

When it comes to submissive conditioning, in general terms I employ techniques such as making the male submissive do repetitive behavior, explore guided imagery, attach the sexual response to certain images or items or words.

When done correctly, you can train a man to become very aroused, and therefore submissive, by saying a word, or showing him an object. A man who is aroused is weak, he is submissive, and he is a willing subject in My hands.

Conditioning in combination with a mans sexual arousal is a powerful tool. A man can be trained in most any way when you employ this technique.

There is a reward and punishment system in place. If the submissive does good, I might indulge him in his favorite kink. If he is bad, I will give him genuine punishment. Not one that he likes. You know the old joke: How do you punish a masochist? You don’t. So the punishment is a real one.

A submissive retains most of his own identity, however, I am controlling every area of his life I feel needs to be controlled. He still may have a lot of free time and personal rights.

Male Slave Training Techniques

The things that can be used to train a male slave are as varied for a submissive man. Sensory deprivation, whipping, canning, shackles, hoods, cages, long term chastity, branding, objectification.

The slave must first be willing and able to function as a slave. I see the term “slave” used very commonly, but most slaves are really submissive men with the wrong label.

A slave does what he is told without question. If he misbehaves, he is beaten, tied, shackled, deprived of sight or sound, or subjected to an overload of these things.

A slave has no opinion, so he can’t ask for nor give one. His job is to be a workhorse, and do heavy labor or grunt work. He is used as a party favor by men, or women sexually while not getting his sexual needs met. His sexual needs are denied as this helps keep a slave subdued.

Since he is property, My property, I expect him to be branded like one. He lives to serve as a true slave in the dictionary definition of the word, which is what a slave should be. Owned property. He may be allowed to continue working his conventional job, but best if he can work from home or the slave quarters in order to be of value.

He has highly restricted access to computers, phones, family and friends.

For Me, there is a marked difference between a submissive man and a male slave, and one should not be confused with the other. Both can serve well, and have very positive functions in My life, and both are valuable. However, the submissive has a different value than the slave. The submissive has a lot more “freedom” that the slave does not.

If you are a man who still considers yourself a slave after reading this, I’d be interested in hearing why you think you are, unless you have a different definition for the word, and, My opinion is the only one that counts, so your opinion is wrong.

Husband duty.

Train your man to provide the best oral sex he can. The key to moulding any man into an obedient tongue is to teach him to be humble, convert him to selflessness, inoculate him against the many misconceptions revolving around virility.
Once he has understood that you are the center of his universe, that all the macho talk is mostly fake and disgusting, he’ll accept his inferior role. Because that is what all this is ultimately about. There’s no misunderstanding about which of the sexes is superior; our modern view on gender roles is simply the product of many years of confusion.
Remind his body of the natural order of things. Control his orgasms, control his will. Once he has learned his place it won’t matter whether he needs to cum or not. He’ll gladly do anything for you, he’ll be so devout.

Making a Switch Relationship Work

The topic of many questions.

Being in a switch relationship is amazing, because it keeps the roles, therefore the relationship, in a state of fluidity; allowing you to act out all of your fantasies, submissive or dominant, depending on the mood you’re in.

1. Start off slow, find out what they like

If you’ve spent a while being submissive, when you first get a chance to be dominant you’ll have a tendency to inflict the same level of punishment on them as they normally do to you.

In reality, this leads to things going too far, too quickly, especially for somebody who is new to submission. Start off with the basics (light bondage, spanking, verbal humiliation) to test the waters before moving onto anything more extreme.

2. Live in the moment

Try not to make plans too far in advance. Sexual appetites change relatively quickly over the course of the day.

Making plans for a night of submission might seem like the greatest idea in the world at the time, but you may regret promising it after frustrating day leaves you feeling dominant and aggressive.

3. Compromise and adapt

Don’t take the roles too seriously. Focusing too heavily on one role can be difficult if your partner isn’t as comfortable in the opposing role.

Try not to get too upset if somebody doesn’t want to do something, and definitely do not try to force or coerce them if they are reluctant. Instead, try a milder version of what you had in mind, try something different entirely, or allow them to switch back to their natural role until they feel more comfortable.

4. The aftermath

At first, it may feel awkward post-orgasm, especially if you have spent the majority of your relationship in one role.

The best thing to do, rather unsurprising, is to talk to each other about your feelings. Talk about what you liked, what you didn’t like, what you’d like to try next time, what you wouldn’t like to do again. Be honest, but try not to be overly critical.

If things got too heated, do something nice with each other. Snuggle up to a movie, eat a load of junk food, or have a bubble bath. The most liberating thing about being in a switch relationship is being able to leave the assigned roles in the bedroom, spending the rest of your time in a relationship built around love, equality, and complete trust in one another.

Easiest way to become the ultimate Master/Mistress

This has got to be the easiest way to to become the ultimate Dom in your relationship… it doesn’t matter if you are a novice or expert, it is a sure way to stretch those boundries and really push your sub in an easy, evil and cunning way.

Step one: DENIAL

You need to get your submissive slave (Male or female) at a libido peak. The higher the libido the more submissive they should be. This may require long term denial, prolonged chastity, edging and teasing… what ever it takes you need there mind racing and them willing to do anything to have a release.

Step two: Once your submissive slave has reached that submissiveness bliss you will propose this deal. In order for them to get their release (Give them what they really want) They need to submit to you a Very long list (the number is up to you but for and example we will use 150) of Things their dom can do. The goal here is to make them come up with some creative ideas for you to dom them. You need to stresd that you want them to come up with Anything and every specific thing you could do or have them do to punish, humiliate, torture and just pure dominate them. Remember the higher the number the more creative they have to be.

Step three: Format the list the way you want it…. Example being you want them to split it up into levels 1 2 & 3. One being simple easy and close to vanilla things (ie performing oral on your master/mistress, being spanked or being tied up). Level two being more extreme things (ie pegging, ball busting, being spit on, ruined orgasms, cum eating etc etc etc). Level three is being designated for extreme things including things outside of their boundries. (ie Being a cuckold/cuckcake, Urethral sounding, hot sauce on genitals, Having their genitals peirced or even as extreme as scat)

Step four: When their list is complete to your satisfaction (if your not impressed you could always make them add another 50,100 or so…) You then allow them to pick X amount of them to be off limits (they have a limited amount that you will keep of limits, unfortunately for them the amount you allow them to take off the list is a lot less then the amount of level three ideas on there.

Step five: You know have a massive list and look into your submissive slaves mind. You know what they find to be easy and what is extreme. You can now assign these tasks or use the punishments whenever you please and you barely had to lift a finger. This will work on so many levels because your sub will always have this list on their mind. You also are now and evil mastermind using their own dirty submissive mind againts them.

Rambling thoughts. 💋💋 by mistressvaliant

Few men understand this. If you give me you, all of you, no games, no pretenses, all of you, I’ll give you the world. That’s what a man does, he gives his heart, his soul, his body to the woman that he loves, in return a woman gives everything to that man. Build him up, give him a safe place to be himself, listen when he speaks, let him be strong, but also allow him to be weak, protect him always, make him feel special, appreciate him, show him the pleasure that comes with letting go.

It all stems from trust. Give me your time, make me feel important, cherished, worshiped. Tell me I matter. Tell me you can’t stop thinking about me. Call me for no reason because you have to, you can’t help it. Be there when I need you. Love me. The dark and light. The strong and the frightened. See me. All of me.

Be the man I need, and I’ll give you the world…

The enjoyment of intimacy without my orgasm is a daily connection that never seems to fade for us.

This picture shows the holistic approach to a relationship that can, if you want, accompany chastity. The approach that means you spend more time together being intimate without any expectation of sex, that magically brings your partner closer to you in a way that really shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone.

Maybe it is a paradox, that giving up your own orgasms helps your wife or girlfriend feel more loved, more damn sexy than ever before. But it does, and that is all that matters to me.

This is why you can’t have a Domme! by marquiseoftease

This post is not addressed at all the nice and genuine guys out there who are respectful and simply haven’t met their soulmate and domme yet. Your time will come, boys, don’t give up hope!

No, this post is a rant at “wannabe-subs” who just make me angry.
1) Those who barge dick(pic) first in my inbox.
2) Those who address me as their Mistress.
3) Those who think I’m a service provider.

It baffles me how “wannabe slaves / do me subs” are seemingly all about “worshipping the superior Goddess” and yet approach women like we were less than human, a species to fulfill their needs. Learn some respect towards Dommes / women / humans.

Let me tell you:

1) Yes, I do post pictures of cocks on my blog. Erotic photos that for one reason or another resonate with me. Maybe they are artistically beautiful, carry a relatable caption or show a scenario I like.
This does not mean I want to see your pitiful dick, snapped with your phone cam, also incorporating half of your bathroom or other mess in the background. Your dick is not special to anyone but yourself, so keep the pleasure between you two and don’t throw it at us females. In the unlikely event of a woman wanting to see your dick (or even worse, your unshaven butt hole - WTF ???) , she’ll tell you.
In all other cases: we do not consent !

2) I am not your Mistress. I’m also not your Goddess, Queen or whatever title your fantasy fap-fest provides.
Unless a dominant woman explicitly states she wants to be addressed in a certain way, don’t use titles.
News flash: we are human beings and we like to be approached as such.
Any honorific used for me is the sole prerogative of my submissive, and by using it outside of a dynamic you assume a position you don’t have.
We do not consent.

3) Messages from strangers starting off with “i’m a pathetic xyz and I need (you) to zyx”.
I am not your fetish vendor machine.
Yes, I post captions and posts about what turns me on, but that is not an invite to reduce me to your fetish and feel entitled to receive.

Over the course of the last couple of weeks I have received so many messages incorporating at least one of the above mentioned points that I’m truly frustrated.

I want this blog, my blog, to show the sensual side of D/s and of FLR, I want to encourage my followers to engage with me, to discuss situations, emotions, aspirations.
Of course this virtual place is intended to be sexy as, but some people clearly follow their own “fap agenda ”.

rant over

Thanks for reading

Edged Beyond the Point-of-No-Return

A “Mistake” Is Not A Failure – It’s Normal!

Part of teasing and edging my husband involves learning exactly where his edge is – learning exactly when to stop, so he is as close as humanly possible to orgasm, just one deliciously agonizing breath away, without actually climaxing. I carefully take him to that edge, then remove all stimulation for a few seconds, let him barely begin to calm down, then I take his cock and do it again. And again. And again…

It is perfectly natural to make mistakes during this process. In the perpetual challenge to edge my husband as intensely as possible, sometimes I misjudge his limit and accidentally send him over. Honestly, if you are exploring edging with your man, and you don’t accidentally make him cum sometimes (especially at first) then you aren’t edging him hard enough. In my humble opinion, you can never find a man’s true limit without crossing it sometimes. You need to learn the exquisite sequence of groans, twitches, and muscle contractions unique to your man that signal his imminent orgasm. Once you learn that sequence, and the EXACT spot in that sequence that marks his point-of-no-return, you can shatter him with deliciously pleasurable, toe-curling, mind-bending edges, over and over again, by stopping at EXACTLY the last possible moment in his sequence.

Getting that close – experiencing that much pleasure – is something he can’t physically do for himself, because the male brain loses conscious control long before that moment. Purely for illustration, let’s say your man’s preorgasmic sequence goes A-B-C-D-E-F. Let’s say his point-of-no-return is E. If he hits E, his orgasm reflex kicks in and he’s going to cum whether you keep touching him or not. So, to give your man maximum pleasure and totally blow his mind, you want to take him exactly to D and stop – over and over again, as many times as possible. The beautiful truth is that he needs you to do that for him; it is physically impossible for him to do it for himself. He can probably take himself to B, which is still intensely pleasurable, but once he hits C, his brain shuts off, instinct kicks in, and he cascades through D-E-F like a waterfall. Effectively, when it’s in his control, his point-of-no-return is C and his capacity for pleasure is limited to B. But, when you take control, you can take him all the way to D (a vastly more intense edge) over and over again!

How does it feel to know that he needs you in order to achieve pleasure he simply cannot achieve on his own?

How insane do you think it makes him feel, when you give him pleasure he’s literally never experienced before, because it was impossible without you?

So, if you want to achieve such extraordinary mastery of your man’s orgasm reflex, naturally mistakes will happen. You’re going to accidentally hit point E a couple times. The important thing to remember (for both of you) is that these mistakes are not failures – they are an essential part of the learning experience! Do not get angry with yourself or your man. Do not punish him for cumming (unless that’s part of your game).

Embrace your mistake!

Kiss him deeply while he cums in your hands. Pet his writhing body with your free hand. (My husband likes it when I claw him with my nails during his orgasm) Tell him how sexy he is – how sexy he looks when he cums. Tell him how impressed you were with his stamina, regardless of how long he actually lasted. Admire his orgasm. (“Wow! Good one! Keep going, baby!”) It’s okay to briefly apologize for sending him over the edge (“Oops! Shit, sorry baby!”) but don’t dwell on the fact you made a mistake. Just kiss and stroke him through his full orgasm. You can analyze the mistake later.

No matter how experienced you are, mistakes will still happen.I’ve edged my husband… ummm… thousands? of times. I have no idea. At least thousands. And I still make mistakes. In my neverending pursuit of that perfect, razor-close edge, I still push it too far and hit point E sometimes. That’s why I’m telling you, don’t sweat the mistakes. I would be more concerned if you were regularly edging your man and he never, ever climaxed – if you’re not making mistakes, you’re not pushing him hard enough, he’s not at his true maximum pleasure, and you’re not doing it right.

A Trick To “Undo” Your Mistakes:

Once you’ve got a little experience (and a delightful mistake or two) behind you, then I suggest you add so-called “ruined orgasms” to the mix. A “ruined” orgasm is when you barely take him to point E (the point-of-no-return) then let go of his cock and cease all stimulation completely. His ejaculation reflex is irreversible, but the subsequent touchless orgasm is an intensely frustrating pale shadow of a real orgasm. Cum should leak from his dick, like it’s crying, rather than spurting out in powerful contractions.

Why would you do that to him? Well, first of all, I always remind people, “ruined” is just a name – your man is still having an orgasm, so don’t feel bad about it. And the benefits of ruined orgasms are plenty – so many, that they deserve their own separate #journal entry, which I’ll write later. The short answer, though, is that although there’s a physical release, it’s hormonally unsatisfying, so he stays horny and eager for more edging (or sex), right away. It’s basically a way of clicking the “Undo” button on your mistake.

Pretty cool, huh? Male anatomy is full of awesome, fun quirks like that!

So if you’re edging him slowly and carefully, you will still have time to make a choice when you realize you accidentally crossed his point-of-no-return: you can choose to finish the party and stroke him through a full orgasm; or you can immediately let go and ruin it – essentially hitting “Undo” because you want to keep playing. Your man will be insanely frustrated when you ruin him, but it will blow his mind when you go straight back to edging him again. Used this way, the ruined orgasm just becomes part of the night’s edging session, and your mistake is less of an issue. In the end, through a swirling haze of pleasure, he’ll realize what you did, and he’ll thank you for ruining him so the two of you could keep playing. (He knows that a full orgasm would have meant the premature end of an otherwise long, fun night)

After an accidental ruined orgasm, it might take a few minutes and a little extra work to get him back to the edge again. There is still a small hormonal release, followed by a very short, weak refractory period, even from a ruined orgasm – a matter of minutes, usually. Just let the cum finish dribbling from his untouched cock, then kiss him, pet him, talk to him, and soothe him for 2-5 minutes. Assure him that he did a great job, you find him super sexy, you enjoyed watching him leak for you, and you’re not done teasing him tonight. His erection should return, full strength and ready to go again, so quickly, I guarantee you will both be pleasantly surprised. Then go back to your regularly scheduled program: edge him like crazy.

If it wasn’t obvious already, if you make multiple mistakes, it’s okay to ruin him multiple times in one night. For example, I had a really “off” night one time with my husband – he was good, so I planned to reward him with an extra-long edging session, with like 30 edges. But on the very first edge, I pushed him too far and saw his orgasm reflex starting. I was disappointed, but I kept my tone happy and positive. I smiled and said, “Oops!” and immediately let go of his cock. After his cock was done crying, we cuddled and I promised him we were just getting started. I went back to work and, sure enough, I fucked up again, pretty much right away. But I never stopped smiling, acting like it was no big deal, “Oops!” I let go and ruined him again. We cuddled for a few minutes, I talked dirty in his ear, then we went back to it. Let’s just say, it was not my finest hour… I misread his body and ruined him four more times that night. I never got anywhere near the 30 edges that I wanted.

But guess what? It didn’t matter! My husband was soaked in sweat and cum, his balls were totally dry, and he was so delirious with pleasure and exhaustion that he couldn’t form a complete sentence. And he was STILL hard! It was so hot, I couldn’t resist – I climbed on top, fucked, and vibed myself to an awesome climax with his stiff, aching, empty cock inside me. It was one of our best nights, ever! And all because I made (six) mistakes and embraced those mistakes with a smile!

Edge your man HARD tonight! And if you make a mistake and he cums – it’s okay! It’s part of the experience!

Someone’s happy in his panties by myslutbelongstome

Soon you will wear my panties around your face while you jerk off in my honor! A pathetically desperate little panty boi, you’re mine to use and abuse as I see fit!

You come over early in the morning to prepare my breakfast as you were told. You make all my favorite foods, placing them on the table, and then you prepare a bowl for me to smoke while I eat. The weed makes me feel more generous and makes me love the food, so I allow you to sit under the table and worship my feet while I eat. You sniff them, smelling the faint smell of sweat from the day before. I rub them on your face, balancing them there, so as to make myself more comfortable while you sit perfectly still as my furniture. When I’m done, you clean everything for me and I instruct you to clean my kitchen while I take a shower and leave for a hike with a friend. We enjoy working out together, so you’ve paid for my gym membership, but we mostly hike because it’s more fun and we like to smoke before we exercise. You straighten up my apartment while I’m gone, getting everything ready for when I get back, and you start to make my favorite dinner to be finished later. When I come back, I instruct you to remove my socks with your teeth, but tease you by forbidding you to smell them! My friend, Anna, sees what I’m doing to you and starts to laugh. “This is what you meant by bitch then?” I nod and she takes off her shoes and follows my lead, only this time, she makes you lie on your back as she rubs her toes on your face, and finally puts the tip of her big toe in your mouth. She commands you to suck on her toe, and then turns to me, laughing and pulling her toe away slightly, so you have to keep following it with your mouth like a dog with a toy. I like seeing you being used by someone else, but your primary purpose is to serve me, so she tells you to get up and make yourself useful to me.

Without a word, you come over and immediately kneel to make yourself into a proper foot rest for me, seeming to know that I would need a place to rest my feet while I decide how I want to be served. Feeling spontaneous, I command you to service Anna sexually, however she sees fit, while I tease you. You have no idea what I have in mind in terms of teasing, but Anna makes it clear right away that you will be servicing her orally until she is satisfied. As Anna explains, she usually uses an intensely powerful vibrator when she masturbates, so she is not an easy person to get off. Deciding that you have a lot of work ahead of you, I offer a reward. I will allow you to sniff my panties that I wore to work out in, if you can make Anna cum. If not, you will wear the panties yourself while Anna takes photos of you with my panties on and hers in your mouth. Fearing this fate, you work diligently, using the muscles you have built up in your mouth from training exercises that I have over seen.

You think back to the previous week when I finally introduced a toy for you to practice on. When I am not in the mood to be serviced, or any time I command you to practice, you must normally do tongue exercises to strengthen your oral skills. This is required for a slave who wishes to satisfy his Goddess. But recently I have decided to make the practice sessions a bit more humiliating. I have been desiring a way to feminize you and shame you into getting much better at oral, and of course also provide me with something more entertaining to watch! I blindfolded you, told you to sit silently doing your tongue exercises for a few minutes, then you feel it, a pointed velvety object entering your mouth. You only need a minute to realize that I have shoved a dildo in your mouth, and I expect you to suck it for my amusement. What else would I mean by putting it in your mouth while you are practicing oral skills? You have no time to think, you just begin servicing it at my command. Over and over it is pumping in and out of your mouth at my insistence, my hand guiding it with a tiny bit of force. I tell you to get used to it.

Now that Anna knows she can manipulate you and you can tell that Im having fun letting her take the reigns a little, you throw yourself into your effort to satisfy her, making her moan slightly and working very hard to bring her to the edge. Before long though, she stops you and says she wants me to think of a way to tease me instead, because she happens to enjoy humiliating a bitch even more than being serviced by one. I think for a second and it comes to me easily! I leave for a moment, during which Anna smiles at you sadistically, knowing I am also very amused by humiliation. I return with the dildo, you seeing it for the first time, having only touched it with your mouth, now notice that it is white, smooth, and slightly shapes like a penis. The tip is rounded and you feel embarrassed to have been sucking it earlier. You figure I am thinking about it too because I am laughing at your face looking at it for the first time. I approach you with it and you open your mouth, but I laugh, because you haven’t even heard how we are going to play. I sit on the couch, legs spread, and you start to move your face in my direction, assuming I want to be serviced, but instead I take the dildo, hold it between my feet on the floor, and use my hand to guide your face toward it. You realize what you must do and you reposition yourself into a kneeling stance, and begin sucking on the dildo at my command. Anna sits next to me, saying things like “That’s right bitch, suck it” and “Someone needs a little more training in this area, is this why you wanted me to see this?” She has a sissy of her own and she has commanded him to suck her partners dick in the past, so she has absolutely no tolerance for a bitch who can’t properly suck a man’s cock. You keep sucking the dildo, bringing your face closer to my feet and getting a whif in each time, the intoxicating scent of my sweat and the honor or being that close to my heavenly feet makes you very hard. Anna begins pointing at your hardon, ridiculing you for getting hard from sucking a smooth white dildo for our amusement. She laughs loudly at you, and your face turns slightly red from embarrassment. We keep watching, you never stopping until we finally take the dick away and excuse you to start preparing dinner for two. You walk out of the room, your cock still throbbing, thoroughly teased and unrelieved.

Public Pegging

One of the most humiliating thing to do to your man is to take him in front of an audience. It can be a girlfriend, another sub man or a like-minded couple that you meet for some swinger’s fun and games. Ultimately it can also be at a setting where the action take place in front of a larger public.

While it may be fun to surprise him with a public pegging I will not recommend it for beginners. Tell him a few days before the event. This way he will have to cope with the full pre-action stress of knowing what is coming at a specific time and place.

Since the humiliation side is a major factor in any public demonstration of dominance it is much more effective if you have him fully aware ahead of time. It also give you a lot more control on the way he prepare himself for the event. Make him wear a butt plug for a full day before Public Pegging.