I have referred to a listing of the “9 Levels of Submission”* at other sites over and over again. Having thought about it, I feel that these levels are too defined. I propose, instead that it takes two to make a relationship, I feel there are 4 corresponding levels, thus leading to 4 kinds of BDSM relationships outside of what one might call themselves in general.
Each person in a BDSM relationship has a responsibilities to seek out someone who is a compliment to their desired level. For example, a purely “beat me” masochist isn’t going to be happy with an “own you” 24/7 Master/Mistress. Likewise, an “own me” slave isn’t going to be entirely fulfilled by a pure Sadist who Isn’t looking to own anyone ever.
Remember, no level is better than another, only different. Of course, each is of a sexual nature to many but not to all, nor is it necessarily about the physical aspect of sex. And, most importantly, most people will find that they are a mix of two or more levels as it works for them.
The Masochist
This person gets their kicks solely from enduring the pain and the energies/reactions caused by it. They want to be hurt, their limits pushed, their physical threshold challenged. They may or may not want it culminated in sexual gratification; that would be an “added bonus”, secondary to the pain. Usually not interested in a 24/7 relationship based on pain; instead is it used as a delightful spice for sensual expression.
The Sadist
This person gets their kicks solely from inflicting the pain and the energies/reactions thereof. They want to be the source of this erotic pain and enjoy the sensuality of the torment. They may or may not want it culminated in sexual gratification; that would be an “added bonus”, secondary to the pain. Usually not interested in a 24/7 relationship based on pain; instead is it used as a delightful spice for sensual expression.
A S/m Relationship
While these people may find that they do indeed love one another and want to commit to each other, the S/m aspect is about the giving and receiving of pain. These people are together usually to mutually fulfil each others need for the sensualness of S/m. Love and sex are secondary to the enjoyment each derives from the infliction of pain. In fact, and S/m relationship can exist without the need of love OR sex on either side.
The Bottom
Very much into role playing and sexual gratification. Likes to give up control for short periods of time when doing a scene. Not into personal servitude, per say, but into playing the slave or practising the submissive side of a fetish. Not into being owned or a 24/7 relationship based solely on being the bottom. Again, its a nice way to spice their sexual expression.
The Top
Very much into role playing and sexual gratification. Likes to take control for short periods of time when doing a scene. Not into personal servitude, per say, but into playing the Master or practising the Dominant side of a fetish. Not into owning or a 24/7 relationship based solely on being the Top. Again, its a nice way to spice their sexual expression.
A T/b Relationship
These people are not looking to form a relationship based solely on the T/b aspect. It may be, however, that a relationship that has this as an integral part exists. There is a degree of power exchange, but not for long periods of time and the time spent together is full of role playing and mutual fantasy fulfilment.
The Submissive
Very much into being directed by the Dominant. Wants to give up control for longer periods of time or in more intense ways. Is very much into the erotic side of submission and into servicing the Dominant sexually, but is a little more reluctant to give in to the personal servitude. Might be into feeling a 24/7 relationship to one sole person and being collared to show commitment, but not into feeling “owned” per say The relationship is seen as something more than just “kinky sex”; a power exchange takes place.
The Dominant
Very much into directing the submissive; orders and details are important. Taking control is most certainly a priority and is very much into the erotic side of submission. May not be into being personal servitude, but is most likely interested in being serviced sexually. Might be interested in a 24/7 relationship with one submissive and collaring such to show commitment, but not necessarily into “owning” them. The relationship is seen as something more than just “kinky sex”; a power exchange takes place.
A D/s Relationship
Because there is a much more intense power exchange, or because there are longer periods of such, most people in this kind of relationship do indeed have a love or caring aspect in it; there is a certain commitment involved emotionally. The relationship can be based solely on the D/s aspects because of this. Each gets fulfilment through the giving and fulfilment of orders, attention to details, punishment for wrong doing and sexual control, but not necessarily from being owned or owning.
The Slave
Wants to be owned. A sense of security is gained by belonging to someone. Very much into servitude; so much so that they are eager to learn the little things about their owner so that they don’t need to be told something in order to get it done. Certainly into 24/7 relationships and collaring to show ownership. May or may not be open to the erotic or masochist side of submission; their pleasure is mostly derived from servitude.
The Master/Mistress
Wants to own and derives as sense of satisfaction from such. Very much into personal service from the slave and the personal attention that involves. Not necessarily into giving repetitive orders. Very interested in a 24/7 relationship and collaring to show their ownership of the property (though not always the case, it is one of the most common ones). May not be inclined to play sadistically, except to punish (if that is part of the chosen dynamic); the pleasure of the relationship comes from owning a person completely and being responsible for them (though that is by no means the only pleasures, but it is one of the most common of them in my personal opinion).
An M/s Relationship
The focus of this relationship is of ownership, either being owned or owning. A certain pride and a sense of fulfillmeant is gained from such. Slaves are almost always collared to show that they are property and the relationship is almost always 24/7 and contractual. Aspects of S/m may come into play and often sexual control is a goal but it iIsn’t always the case, the main pleasure for many is from the personal service and attention to detail the slave brings to the relationship.
Each person in a BDSM relationship has a responsibilities to seek out someone who is a compliment to their desired level. For example, a purely “beat me” masochist isn’t going to be happy with an “own you” 24/7 Master/Mistress. Likewise, an “own me” slave isn’t going to be entirely fulfilled by a pure Sadist who Isn’t looking to own anyone ever.
Remember, no level is better than another, only different. Of course, each is of a sexual nature to many but not to all, nor is it necessarily about the physical aspect of sex. And, most importantly, most people will find that they are a mix of two or more levels as it works for them.
The Masochist
This person gets their kicks solely from enduring the pain and the energies/reactions caused by it. They want to be hurt, their limits pushed, their physical threshold challenged. They may or may not want it culminated in sexual gratification; that would be an “added bonus”, secondary to the pain. Usually not interested in a 24/7 relationship based on pain; instead is it used as a delightful spice for sensual expression.
The Sadist
This person gets their kicks solely from inflicting the pain and the energies/reactions thereof. They want to be the source of this erotic pain and enjoy the sensuality of the torment. They may or may not want it culminated in sexual gratification; that would be an “added bonus”, secondary to the pain. Usually not interested in a 24/7 relationship based on pain; instead is it used as a delightful spice for sensual expression.
A S/m Relationship
While these people may find that they do indeed love one another and want to commit to each other, the S/m aspect is about the giving and receiving of pain. These people are together usually to mutually fulfil each others need for the sensualness of S/m. Love and sex are secondary to the enjoyment each derives from the infliction of pain. In fact, and S/m relationship can exist without the need of love OR sex on either side.
The Bottom
Very much into role playing and sexual gratification. Likes to give up control for short periods of time when doing a scene. Not into personal servitude, per say, but into playing the slave or practising the submissive side of a fetish. Not into being owned or a 24/7 relationship based solely on being the bottom. Again, its a nice way to spice their sexual expression.
The Top
Very much into role playing and sexual gratification. Likes to take control for short periods of time when doing a scene. Not into personal servitude, per say, but into playing the Master or practising the Dominant side of a fetish. Not into owning or a 24/7 relationship based solely on being the Top. Again, its a nice way to spice their sexual expression.
A T/b Relationship
These people are not looking to form a relationship based solely on the T/b aspect. It may be, however, that a relationship that has this as an integral part exists. There is a degree of power exchange, but not for long periods of time and the time spent together is full of role playing and mutual fantasy fulfilment.
The Submissive
Very much into being directed by the Dominant. Wants to give up control for longer periods of time or in more intense ways. Is very much into the erotic side of submission and into servicing the Dominant sexually, but is a little more reluctant to give in to the personal servitude. Might be into feeling a 24/7 relationship to one sole person and being collared to show commitment, but not into feeling “owned” per say The relationship is seen as something more than just “kinky sex”; a power exchange takes place.
The Dominant
Very much into directing the submissive; orders and details are important. Taking control is most certainly a priority and is very much into the erotic side of submission. May not be into being personal servitude, but is most likely interested in being serviced sexually. Might be interested in a 24/7 relationship with one submissive and collaring such to show commitment, but not necessarily into “owning” them. The relationship is seen as something more than just “kinky sex”; a power exchange takes place.
A D/s Relationship
Because there is a much more intense power exchange, or because there are longer periods of such, most people in this kind of relationship do indeed have a love or caring aspect in it; there is a certain commitment involved emotionally. The relationship can be based solely on the D/s aspects because of this. Each gets fulfilment through the giving and fulfilment of orders, attention to details, punishment for wrong doing and sexual control, but not necessarily from being owned or owning.
The Slave
Wants to be owned. A sense of security is gained by belonging to someone. Very much into servitude; so much so that they are eager to learn the little things about their owner so that they don’t need to be told something in order to get it done. Certainly into 24/7 relationships and collaring to show ownership. May or may not be open to the erotic or masochist side of submission; their pleasure is mostly derived from servitude.
The Master/Mistress
Wants to own and derives as sense of satisfaction from such. Very much into personal service from the slave and the personal attention that involves. Not necessarily into giving repetitive orders. Very interested in a 24/7 relationship and collaring to show their ownership of the property (though not always the case, it is one of the most common ones). May not be inclined to play sadistically, except to punish (if that is part of the chosen dynamic); the pleasure of the relationship comes from owning a person completely and being responsible for them (though that is by no means the only pleasures, but it is one of the most common of them in my personal opinion).
An M/s Relationship
The focus of this relationship is of ownership, either being owned or owning. A certain pride and a sense of fulfillmeant is gained from such. Slaves are almost always collared to show that they are property and the relationship is almost always 24/7 and contractual. Aspects of S/m may come into play and often sexual control is a goal but it iIsn’t always the case, the main pleasure for many is from the personal service and attention to detail the slave brings to the relationship.
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