DEFINITION
Female-Led Relationships come in many forms and shapes. In many plain-vanilla relationships, the women end up deciding most matters as a consequence of their personalities, but these relationships don’t include any kink or formal recognition of the skewed power balance. On the other side of the spectrum you have so-called female supremacists, who feel that all females are superior to all males and rig their relationships accordingly.
This site is about something in between those two, but quite a lot closer to the first type. More specifically, I will concentrate on the type of relationship that has some of the following qualities:
  1. The female is the head of the household and makes most of the day-to-day decisions
  2. The needs of the female come first, and any selfishness on her part is tolerated and even encouraged
  3. There is an expressed recognition of the female’s position as head of the household, it’s not just “how we do things”
  4. The male is expected to pamper and satisfy the female in many different ways
  5. The male’s sexual drive is harnessed and controlled as the main source of motivation
  6. There is typically a certain amount of kink involved, but no more than the female is comfortable with
  7. Everything is consensual and the end-goal is to improve the life quality of both parties
As you can see there are many advantages for women who embrace this life, and there is very little effort required of you to enjoy all these benefits.
WHY DOES THE FEMALE WANT A FLR?
  • Let’s list a few of the benefits that a FLR can provide for the female:
  • A very pleasant life, with endless pampering and indulgences
  • No more power-struggles in the home
  • Less arguing in general, and especially around domestic work
  • Improved sex life, both in terms of quantity and quality
  • The ability to shape the behavior of the male more to your liking
  • More financial freedom, if you choose to incorporate money in the FLR
I could continue, but the bottom line is that a female who takes advantage of the many, many benefits a FLR can offer, can lead a very pleasant and fulfilled life, with an attentive and generous partner who is always eager to please. What’s not to like?

WHY DOES THE MALE WANT A FLR?
While it is easy to see why the woman would want such a life, it can seem puzzling that any man would want it. In fact, most women are introduced to the idea of a Female-Led Relationship by their husband/partner, which on the face of it seems even stranger.

I am no psychologist, but after living this life for many years I have come to see it from my husband’s perspective, and it actually makes perfect sense. Here are some of the benefits to the male in a FLR:
  • Offers a simple and easy-to-understand (if demanding) home-life
  • No more power-struggles, less arguing
  • A closer, more loving relationship with his partner
  • A fulfilling and rewarding sex life, less pressure to be assertive in bed
  • Increased sex drive, heightened energy level
  • More kink
As you can see, a lot of the benefits are shared with the female, just from the opposite perspective. In general, an FLR is more physically demanding on a male than a plain-vanilla relationship, but a lot less mentally draining. It also provides an outlet for certain personality traits and fantasies that are typically frowned-upon for males in the western world. This is especially important for executives, entrepreneurs and others who are normally in a stressful position of power.

WHAT’S THE CATCH?
Given the huge number of benefits that a FLR can offer a couple, there are remarkably few drawbacks. But there are some things you as the female needs to be aware of. For example, you will have some responsibilities:
  • Actually make a lot of the household decisions
  • Follow up on any rules and limitations you decide for your male
  • Come up with some sexually charged activities that you wouldn’t mind doing on a near-daily basis
Most women find these responsibilities to be well worth it.
  1. There are also a couple of potential drawbacks that can be difficult to mitigate:
  2. You may need to adjust your sexual preferences slightly
  3. You may find a servile/submissive male less interesting and attractive than a dominant/assertive one
Of these, I consider the last one to be the only possibly valid reason to actively avoid an FLR, so let’s discuss it in some detail. Some women just can’t stand to be around men who aren’t dominant and assertive, or at least they aren’t attracted to such men. If this is you, and he has brought up the topic of FLR, then have a good talk with him and tell him that it’s best to just forget the whole thing and get back to being macho. Don’t give him a hard time for wanting to try something new.

If, however, you have a more nuanced attitude and are at least somewhat open to seeing a new side of your partner, there are a few things you should consider before making a decision based on this perceived drawback:
What he’s suggesting is mostly a playful sexual arrangement, designed to make your sex life and home life simpler and more enjoyable for both of you - it’s not like he’s a different person all of a sudden. He is still the same wonderful man you fell in love with, you’re just seeing a new side of him.
Men who have the courage to broach this subject tend to have high self-esteem and the fact that they aren’t afraid to play with gender roles in a controlled setting typically means they are very confident about their manliness.
This whole arrangement is (as you’ll learn in a later article) predicated on harnessing his deep love and desire for the female body, yours in particular. Compare and contrast to blustering machismos and their insecurities.
Submissive tendencies are quite common among some of the world’s most powerful men, suggesting that the traditional alpha/beta model of masculinity is overly simplistic.
You can keep this part of him entirely to yourself - have him be as assertive as you like in public and at work.

In fact, you can even have him increase his assertiveness and manliness towards others - remember, you decide now.

It can be quite exciting to know that an outwardly macho man answers to your every wink when it’s just the two of you.

Ultimately, you’ll have to decide for yourself. Just know that the lack of an open mind here can be what stands between you and endless benefits. I, for one, haven’t regretted it for a second, and I love my husband more than ever.

***

OK, now that we have defined key concepts and talked a little about possible challenges, let’s look closer at your role in this new version of your relationship.

The Female’s role

Now that you understand what an FLR is and have hopefully decided that you are interested in exploring this further, let’s dive a little deeper and see what your role will be.

IN THE BEGINNING
Let’s assume that you are just starting out and are a little unsure about how to behave, you don’t quite know what your man expects from you, and you are just generally not quite comfortable in your new role. That’s totally understandable. The first thing I want to tell you is that you don’t need to change anything about yourself or your demeanor before you are ready. Take it slow and build up your understanding of what this life can mean to you and to your partner, and then grow gradually into your new role.

The main mental switch you need to make is to start thinking about things in terms of what you want. This may be quite a big change for you, and it might feel uncomfortable in the beginning, but that’s just because you are a considerate person who doesn’t want to be selfish and mean. It’s a perfectly reasonable reaction. However, what you need to realize is that behaving in a selfish manner is exactly what your (properly motivated) man wants. He wants you to be demanding, to put yourself first, and to consider his preferences last, if at all. So the more you put your own needs first, the happier he gets.

Another change you can make rather early is to be more honest about your mood. If you’re feeling a little bitchy some days, don’t be shy about taking it out on your man. I’m not saying you should be outright mean or completely unreasonable, but he will actually appreciate a certain level of unfairness from you. Most women in FLR relationships really enjoy this part - being able to vent a little without starting an argument is one of the things that makes the home-life so much more pleasant for everyone.

(By the way, if you have children, I trust you’ll use your best judgment and shield them from stuff they aren’t supposed to see. To improve readability I generally write as if you and your partner are always alone and free to act in any way you please, but the reality isn’t always so simple.)
QUEEN TIME

The real fun starts when you become more comfortable in your new role, and you realize that this is for real. Time to discover your inner Queen! We’ll go into more details in the next few articles, but now is the time to assert your new power:
Start making decisions that affect both of you. You can start small, like what to watch on TV, what to have for dinner, and take it from there. Before you know it it will feel entirely natural to make most decisions.

Become more demanding. Let him know what you expect and tell him when he doesn’t perform according to your expectations. Introduce subtle corrective behavior for repeated infractions.

Enjoy having a servant. Don’t fetch (or even pour) your own wine anymore, don’t make your own sandwiches, don’t clear your own plate after dinner. These changes are mostly symbolic, but you quickly get used to being pampered in this department too.
Make some changes in the bedroom. Shift the focus to your pleasure and tell him exactly what you like.

These are just ideas and you should find your own way, of course, but the point is that you should start enjoying your new power. There is nothing he wants more than for you to start exploring the possibilities.
TAKING IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL

 Once you’re secure in your new role and confident that he is actually happy with this arrangement, you can relax even more and really start designing your new life. Give him rules to live by, have him do the housework, have him give you the money he earns, make sex totally about you. The sky’s the limit. We’ll explore this in more detail later.
RESPONSIBILITIES AND POTENTIAL ISSUES

 There’s a lot of positive things about FLRs, but they come with certain responsibilities and things to keep in mind.

A highly motivated man will be wary of raising objections, even when there is good reason to, so you need to be responsible and consider things from his perspective all the time. He does want you to be in charge and be selfish and all that, but that’s on a deep level, so in the heat of the moment he may whimper, complain and beg as part of the dynamics of your relationship, and it’s your responsibility to differentiate between what’s a real objection and what’s part of the game. He wants you to be forceful and demanding, and a natural consequence of you making the decisions (which he wants on a deep level) is that there will be decisions that he dislikes (on a more superficial level). It can be hard to know the difference at times. It helps to talk constantly, know each other well and be respectful of each other.

You also need to use sound judgement when it comes to giving him timeouts. It can be overwhelming to be expected to do so much for another person, with so little (visible) in return, so he may feel the need for an occasional timeout. I recommend that you mostly grant him these. If he signals that he needs timeouts too often for your liking it may be a sign that something is wrong anyway, in which case it is certainly not a good idea to just carry on. Take a break and talk about it. Maybe the whole FLR thing was an exciting fantasy for him, and it didn’t work out so well in real life. It happens.

Mostly, an intelligent and sensitive women can navigate these waters just fine. It’s just something to be aware of and keep in mind as you continue to push him harder.

***
I hope you now have a decent grasp of your role. Let’s take a look at the male’s role too.

The Male’s role

The male has it pretty easy in a FLR: Do as you’re told. No, I’m joking, but there is some truth to this, and it’s a big part of the attraction. Not having to make decisions, having simple rules to follow, no pressure to be assertive etc. are all major positive factors. Of course, the male is also expected to do a whole lot of work, to always be ready to pamper his woman and to give up many pleasurable things, so it’s a mixed bag. But with proper motivation, these sacrifices become a source of pleasure in themselves, and most males in successful FLRs are very happy campers.

I’ll keep this article pretty short, because in many ways the male’s role is the opposite of the female’s role, which I have described in some detail in a previous article.
IN THE BEGINNING

 When you’re just getting started, and you haven’t quite found your footing yet, the male should focus on boosting your confidence and helping you become comfortable. He should be extra careful about challenging or making light of your attempts at becoming a more dominant woman. He should instead try to gently guide you where he feels that you could benefit from some input, to react “in character” even if he finds a situation slightly amusing, and to change his own demeanor to be less assertive.

Above all he should take every opportunity to show you how pleasant this new life can be. He should let you make more decisions, ask to do more housework, focus more on your pleasure in bed, start pampering you in everyday situations and so on. Eventually, you will demand that he does this and much more, but in the beginning, before you are comfortable even asking him to do them, he should go out of his way to do them without you having to ask. This will get you into the right mindset early on.
AFTER A WHILE

 Once you are more comfortable making decisions and have taken charge in the relationship, he should shift his focus to making your life as pleasant as possible. He’ll certainly have rules to follow and expectations to meet, but in addition to that he should start having your well-being front and center of his mind at all times. Proper motivation plays a big role here, and that’s your responsibility, but if you play your cards right he’ll be thinking about you all the time, and how he can make your life better.

Here are some examples of things he should do continously, all on his own:
Learn what you like - in every aspect of life

  • Work on perfecting his execution of every task you give him
  • Suggest new activities that he thinks you may enjoy
  • Surprise you - gifts, trips, cultural experiences etc.
The common thread is of course that all of this will make your life more pleasant and enjoyable. It really is quite simple.
RESPONSIBILITIES

 His responsibilities are simpler than yours - remember, that’s a big part of the appeal. For sure, he will be expected to do more than you, but I’m talking more about things like making difficult decisions, judging real objections vs. playful objections, enforcing rules and enacting corrective behavior. Those are taken care of by you.

However, it is his responsibility to talk to you about any issues he might be having. And he needs to be an adult about having bad days. Sure, he can ask for a timeout every now and then, but depending on his personality there can be plenty of bad days when it would be pleasant to go back to the old way, and he can’t keep asking for timeouts all the time. Either he is interested in a Female-Led Relationship, and does his part to make it work on less inspired days too, or he should just talk to you about ending it.

***

I’ve focused quite a bit on responsibilities and possible issues, because I think they’re important to know about, but that’s not what a FLR is mostly about - it’s mostly a very harmonious and enjoyable thing, for both parties. So let’s move on to the fun stuff and talk about ways that he should pamper you.