Alpha Submissive Male: Are Women Attracted To Submissive Men?

Your favourite childhood Disney movies probably taught you that the way to a woman's heart is to become her knight in shining armour, do everything for her and please her in every way possible.

The reality, as most guys learn in high school, is that this approach doesn't work. The nice submissive guy never becomes more than a friend to women and ends up listening to all the relationship problems that she's having with her boyfriend.

The Disney scenario is not unique to submissive men interested in Femdom, a lot of vanilla men are like this and exhibit submissive behaviours around women. However, the Femdom-loving submissive does often have a harder time finding a relationship.

So, why does the submissive guy struggle to get the girl? To answer this question, we have to understand how female attraction works.

Male Vrs Female Attraction

Men are logical, visceral beings – they see a beautiful woman walking down the sidewalk, and they instantly feel attraction for her based on her looks.

Women experience attraction differently to men – they don't feel instant attraction based on a man's appearance. It's still important to dress well and take care of your grooming, but you can't depend on this exclusively for women to find you attractive.

Female attraction is centred around behaviour. It's how you act around a woman that will cause her to feel attracted to you. Many guys don't understand this, and they behave badly around women and fail to spark any feelings of attraction.

Alpha Vrs Beta Males

We've all heard about alpha and beta males, especially in the BDSM community. While I don't believe men can be separated into two distinct categories, I'm going to stick with these terms; I see a common theme of submissive guys comparing themselves to the alpha male stereotype to make themselves feel and appear like less of a man.

We've all encountered the dominant, aggressive male that sleeps with seven women every week and mistreats them all. This is what most people would call an alpha male.

The problem with this stereotype is that he's exhibiting beta behaviours. The alpha male doesn't need to put other people down to boost his self-esteem. Nor does he indulge in approval or power seeking because he doesn't have time for it – he's too busy working on himself and his goals.

The alpha male is simply a confident, self-assured man who is passionately focused on fulfiling his purpose in life. He isn't sleeping with hoards of women every week to boost his self-esteem because he doesn't need that kind of validation.

The alpha male isn't the aggressive steroid user who bumped into you at the bar last night. The alpha male is the rockstar, the athlete, the entrepreneur, the artist, the poet. The man with passion who has the confidence to pursue his dreams and whose focus isn't exclusively on pursuing women.

It's this confident behaviour that causes a woman to feel attraction for a man and knowing that he has the strength to tackle anything that life throws at him.

Men who have no purpose or interests in their life end up idolising women because they have nothing else to focus on, and this makes women feel uncomfortable and kills attraction.

Women are turned off by a man who does everything for her because he's only doing it to seek her approval. He lacks the confidence in himself to believe that she will be interested in him as a person, so he tries to make her love him because of his gifts and good deeds.

A confident, self-assured man who respects himself won't behave like this. He won't do everything for a woman because he doesn't need to win her approval. He will challenge her when she's wrong or when he doesn't share her opinion because he's not afraid of disagreeing with her.

Confidence Is Not Just For Women

It's not just women who seek these qualities; confident men are also looking for these traits in women. Especially men who are seeking confident, dominant women to take control in the bedroom.

The reason women more apparently seek these qualities is that they have a better advantage in the dating game than men. A man will date a woman who has little confidence and no passion or interests in life because his options are limited or he's desperate. A woman has more options and doesn't have to settle for a dull man who doesn't stimulate her emotionally.

The alpha male, who is exciting and full of passion and knowledge needs a woman who can match him emotionally and mentally and provide the stimulation he requires.
Does The Alpha Submissive Male Exists?

By now you should understand the dynamics of attraction and realise that the alpha and beta stereotypes are wholly inaccurate.

The big question is: can the attractive alpha also be a submissive male? The answer is: of course, he can. In fact, many submissive men are incredibly confident, dominant men in high powered positions.

A man does not need to be sexually dominant and aggressive to be an alpha male. However, he must be self-assured and confident in his submissive sexuality.

Embracing your submissive desires and having the nerve to submit to a woman requires tremendous strength and confidence. It is not the behaviour of a weak beta male.

While there are a lot of genuine beta males in the BDSM community, the idea that every submissive man is a beta is a false notion, usually perpetuated by humiliation play.

How To Be An Attractive Submissive Male

So, how does the submissive get the girl?

There is a paradox: many activities that take place inside a Femdom relationship are precisely what you should not do: run around after a doing everything to please her.

You can be the most pathetic, needy, service-orientated loser on the planet within the context of Femdom; the problem occurs when a man combines this with other off-putting behaviours like approval-seeking, low confidence and a lack of his own identity or purpose in life.

Being submissive is not an excuse for having low confidence or having no direction in your life. Whether you are submissive or vanilla, you should always be seeking to become the best version of yourself, which in turn will help you to attract women.

You should:

1 Discover your passion in life and pursue it with focus, drive and enthusiasm.
2 Always be working on yourself and improving yourself at every opportunity.
3 Have your own opinions and beliefs and don't change them to win approval from others.
4 Embrace your submissive side and explore it with courage and confidence.
5 Don't be afraid to disagree with a woman or challenge her when she's wrong.
6 Stand up for yourself and never be anyone's doormat.

Do Women Find Submissive Men Attractive?

Every woman and relationship is different, and some women just will not be into your submissive desires. The extent of your submissiveness will also influence a woman's decision to choose you as a partner.

If Femdom is more of a bedroom activity for you, the chances of attracting a woman are much higher if you exhibit qualities that women find attractive. If submission is a 24/7 lifestyle choice for you, the attraction dynamic will be very different.

If you do things that women find off-putting like chasing after them and pampering them to win their approval, then you are going to find it difficult to make women feel attracted to you, whether you are sexually submissive or not.

Decision Making in a FLR by Mz Kaylee

Someone had suggested that I write about how decisions are made in my relationship. I thought that was a great suggestion and a good topic to write about since decision making in a Female Led Relationship (FLR) is much different than in a traditional relationship. I firmly believe that the differences are one of the key benefits of a FLR and are what sets a FLR apart from a traditional relationship. The decision making process in a FLR is also something that is easily misunderstood or not as easy to figure out, especially to those just starting a FLR. Many guys who are discovering their submissive side and trying to get into a FLR, often expect that the female should make all the decisions. This is a good fantasy and fun to role play but it is not practical in real life. If I had to make all the decisions in my marriage, then it would create a lot of work and stress for me. A submissive husband is supposed to make the wife's life easier, not harder. If I have to make all the decisions, then what is the point of me being married to Thomas? Contrary to the fantasy world, in real life most women in a FLR want a man that can think for himself, not someone they have to babysit and correct all of the time.

For a woman starting out in a FLR it can feel awkward or uncomfortable for her to make a decision on behalf of her partner or awkward to tell him that her decision is final and there is no more discussion. It can also be challenging for her to strike the right balance between taking control and delegating or allowing decisions to be made by her submissive partner. The right balance is different for each couple and may also change over time. To provide guidance on this, below I have provided thoughts on the decision making process in a FLR and I explain how it works in my marriage.

Typically in a relationship, there are responsibilities that naturally fall under each person's control. There is no one right formula for this. It depends on many variables such as each person's likes, strengths, weaknesses, and knowledge. The dynamic of the relationship and how well each person knows or trusts each other are also a factors. This same logic applies to a FLR.

For example, in my marriage Thomas handles all the yardwork and house maintenance. I do the cooking and handle most of the family related things such as clothes shopping for the kids and coordinating school and community activities. There are many decisions that each of us make on a daily basis in our respective areas of responsibility. If a door knob breaks I do not expect Thomas to ask for permission to replace it. I trust that he will buy an appropriate door knob and repair it the right way. He decides when to put new mulch down, when to trim the bushes, and may even decide to plant flowers. This is very similar to a traditional relationship. However, beneath it all, there is a big difference. The difference is that I have the final say in all decisions. While he may not need my approval for these 'routine' decisions, if he makes a decision that I don't like, I can veto it and have him undo it. If I am not happy with the way he is taking care of the yard or house, I will step in and give direction and he will obey. There may even be not so good consequences for him if I feel he is being lazy or does something that I feel is inappropriate.

On the flip-side, he is free to provide input into to some of the things I do. For example, as you know from my previous posts, I make the grocery list. When I make the list, I usually ask if there is anything from the grocery store that he wants. Now you may remember that Thomas was punished for buying things that were not on the list when he went grocery shopping for me. There reason for the punishment was that he made impulse buys and he did not follow directions. When the list was made he was allowed to add things (with my permission) but, when he was shopping, his instructions were to buy the items on the list. He did not follow those instructions and so he was punished. I am open to his suggestions and opinions, but I make the ultimate decision.

When it comes to bigger decisions, such as family vacations or house renovations, we discuss them together. Does it surprise any of you that we discuss these things? I hope not. Remember, we are talking about Female led not Female dictatorship. Part of the benefit of being married is having someone to consult with when making big decisions. If we are re-doing a room in the house, I enjoy spending time with Thomas figuring out what color to paint it and picking out new furniture. The difference again is that I have the final say on things. In most cases we come to a decision together, but if we ever end up with differing opinions, I get the final say and he accepts it. He has heard the words, "too bad. It's what I want and that's what matters," quite a few times. He willingly accepts my decision. On the other hand, if I don't have a strong opinion, I have been known to go with his choice because I know it makes him happy. That's love and it is important that love is the foundation of your relationship.

There are certain decisions that I do own and his input matters very little. The first is chores and house rules. I decide what chores he will do and how they are to be done. He does the bulk of the chores in our house and he does them to my expectations. I decide the rules of the house, which are things like how he serves me, whether or not he can go out with friends, what behaviors are acceptable and not acceptable, etc. If rules are disobeyed or chores are neglected, he is punished. The second area of decision making that I have complete control over is sex/bedroom activity. I control his orgasms and decide when and how he can have them. I control when we have sex, foreplay, fun time, etc. If I am in the mood for foreplay or sex, then we have it. If I want an orgasm, I get an orgasm. If he is in the mood for sexual activity, he can try to initiate it, but I will determine whether or not it will happen and if it does happen it is on my terms. That is just the way it is in my relationship and this approach is common in most FLRs. It is one of the perks for the woman. Call it our reward for taking on the leadership role.

While it is a perk for women, I find that it is also what submissive men want. They desire a woman to have this control over them. They enjoy being held accountable for their responsibilities. There are nights where Thomas is busy doing chores from the time he comes home from work, until the time he goes to bed. Some nights he is hustling to get them done so he can get to bed at a decent hour. He has told me that he enjoys this as he feels like he is truly serving me almost like a slave and he enjoys that. He also indicated that he enjoys doing these things for me so that I feel like a Goddess or Princess. It gives him a sense of fulfillment. I can't argue with that.

Another difference in a FLR compared to a traditional relationship is how we discuss things when making a decision. Usually he is naked and kneeling before me. Most of the time this occurs at night before bed. This just happens to be the time when we are together the most and part of our nightly routine is having him kneel before me. However, there are also times where I want to discuss something with him and I will call him up to the room and have him kneel naked before me for the discussion. I find that this position sets the tone of my authority over him and reduces the potential for an argumentative situation. It also ensures his attention is focused 100% on the discussion. His opinions are heard and taken into consideration but I am the ultimate decision maker. I highly recommend incorporating the kneeling position into your normal routine for the reasons stated above. Additionally, most submissive guys actually prefer this position when talking to their wife. Thomas has admitted that he enjoys kneeling for me when we discuss things. It may seem awkward to you at first, but trust me, he will love it and it does not take long before it feels normal to you.

Some of our discussions around decisions may also occur as part of our discipline sessions, while he is across my lap. This is another position I enjoy because it reinforces my authority over him and he is smart enough to not argue when he is vulnerable and I have a spanking instrument in my hand :). I want to point out that these positions are not meant to intimidate him into a decision but rather to ensure there is proper attitude and respect during discussion so that there is not arguing. This technique has been extremely effective in our marriage.

I've discussed what I feel are the key differences in decision making in a FLR compared to a relationship. These include:

1. The female has the final say on all decisions
2. The male is often kneeling before the female during discussions related to decisions
3. The female decides on chores/house rules and sex/bedroom play.

Item 1is a must in a FLR relationship. Item 2 is highly recommended by me. If you do not do this now, give it a try. Try it out for a few weeks. Ensure that you have him in this position at least 1 - 2 times a week. I am sure you will be pleased with the outcome. Item 3, is very common in most FLRs and something that I highly recommend.

I also indicated in my introduction, that I believe these changes set a FLR apart from a traditional relationship. I believe a FLR is so much better than a traditional relationship because of these differences. Item 1 is a quick way to bring an end to arguments. I am the final decision maker and Thomas agrees to this. If we get into an argumentative situation I will play that card and he will yield to me or be punished. End of story. He may not like the end result, but he accepts it and gets over it quickly. In a traditional marriage the argument can continue unresolved. It becomes easy for each partner to go their separate ways and harbor negative feelings towards each other because there was no resolution.

Item 2, prevents or diffuses argumentative situations. The kneeling position establishes authority and respect and also ensures there is 100% focus on the discussion. This leads to more productive discussions and eliminates arguments. If Thomas and I are ever talking and it seems like he is getting into an argumentative situation, all I have to do is command him to kneel and suddenly his attitude changes to be more open and respectful. This is an extremely effective technique and I strongly recommend that you incorporate it into your relationship..

Item 3, is jut part of a typical FLR. When it comes to chores, there seems to be some men who enjoy taking on the chores to satisfy their wife and some men who want to avoid the chores. This does not matter. The female decides on the chores and he must accept it. Typically the guys who do not want to take on the chores, are more interested in the sexual aspects of the FLR and this is often the case for people new to FLRs. This is where an attitude adjustment is needed. If a guy wants to experience the pleasure of being dominated, he must also provide benefits to the female, which most often means doing chores for her. Men who are experienced in FLR understand this concept and take great pleasure in serving their wife in this manner.

Link: http://femdomthinktank.blogspot.in/

The Busy Dominant Wife - Part III Date Nights and the Less Than Ideal State by -Mz Kaylee

I hope you are enjoying this series. Several days ago I posted a question to ask what your ideal FLR state is. Thanks so much John D and Gigi for responding. I hope many more will respond so that we can learn from each other. There is no wrong answer. Everyone is different and what's right for you may be different than someone else. I also believe that taking the time to think about your ideal state and writing it down is great exercise to get you moving in that direction or to maintain the state. Years of research suggest that those who write down their goals are more likely to achieve them than those that don't write them down so get writing....:)

In Part II of this topic, John Dalton commented about "using FLR as a tool of strength to overcome issues rather than a toy to discard when there is no time to play." That is a fantastic analogy and a great mindset for Women leaders. We should always be looking to our FLR and submissive husband as tools to get things done and make our life better and happier. When things get tough or busy we need to rely on the strength of the FLR and deal with the challenges within the framework of the FLR. Even though it may be initially easier to do things ourselves, for the benefit of the relationship it is important to delegate responsibilities and tasks to our husbands. In the long-run it is better for the relationship and is better for you. Below are a few more strategies to use to keep your FLR from going off the track during the busy times.

3. Schedule Date Nights and Getaways - A regular date night is a great way to stay connected and is a common technique that many couples use. Planned date nights ensure that you spend quality time together. Weekly is nice but can be a challenge during busy times or if your have kids due to the need for a baby sitter (which can also get expensive). Some of my friends do date nights and monthly seems to be the common schedule. Thomas and I have monthly date nights. We write it in our calendar so that we do not forget. There is no need for you to be the one to plan the night either. When I am busy I leave it up to Thomas to plan the date. However, I must approve his plans. Usually it's just dinner and drinks or a movie. Sometimes we'll spend the day together at a festival or a day of shopping together. On occasion we'll go out with friends but most times it's just us two because the goal of date night is to spend time with each other. If we are lucky and get the house to ourselves, we may just stay in and have some fun together :). You can spice up the date nights by incorporating some of the fun ideas, which will be discussed in my subsequent posts.

Overnight getaways with each other are also a great way to stay connected and in my opinion, a must have. I will plan at least 2 overnight trips each year. It can be a long weekend or just an overnight trip. These getaways do not have to be fancy or expensive. The point is to spend time focused on each other. We will often stay within a few hours drive of home and stay at a cheap hotel or bed and breakfast. The nearby city or small historic towns are great destinations because usually there are activities nearby or nightlife that you can enjoy. When away, it easy to forget about the day-to-day stresses and activities and focus on each other. I have some of my best times with my husband on these short getaways and we tend to let our inhibitions run a little wild, which makes for even more fun. When we return home I am usually feeling refreshed and more dominant and his submission and obedience are at high levels.

3 Plan For a Less Than Ideal State but don't lose site of the ideal state. When busy times hit, you are not going to be able to keep your ideal FLR state intact. However, rather than let things just fall to the wayside, it's better to proactively figure out what will work and put a plan in place to make it happen. Set aside a 1/2 hour each week to reflect on the previous week and plan out the new week. Write down the plan and share it with your husband. This 1/2 hour a week of planning will go a long way in helping you stay connected to your husband, getting him involved with helping you, and getting you through the busy time and eventually back to the ideal state.

Review your ideal state and then figure out what things can still be easily maintained and what things will need to change. There are some no-brainers. For example, he should still keep up with his usual chores. With Thomas, I would expect him to always make my morning coffee. Your orgasm control and authority over him most definitely needs to stay intact. You may give him a little leeway in doing things or making decisions, but for bigger decisions he should defer to you and he should still be held accountable for inappropriate decisions.

Things that may need to change are items that affect your time or energy level. If daily massages won't work, designate one or two days a week for massages or tell him they will be on an "as-demanded" basis and he needs to always be ready to give you one. If you don't have time for regular discipline sessions, make them less frequent or provide the discipline feedback via notes, texts, or quick conversations. Focus on the bigger items that need correction and not the small battles. The discipline jar technique that I wrote about in a post last year has been very effective for me to provide discipline with little effort and good results. Also, make sure you assign him new chores or tasks to help you out. To free up your time, think about temporarily delegating tasks that you would normally not have him do. If things are hectic for you, he should share in it and be doing everything possible to help you. A FLR is a perfect structure for this so take advantage of it! If you delegate several small things to him, it can take a lot of stress off you and it frees up time for you to do the leading in the FLR.

Maintain the perspective of the leader and not the "do-er" in the relationship. Your first reaction should not be to jump in and do things. It is very easy to fall into that trap. Instead, your first thought should be, 'how can I get him to help me?' By spending time planning, delegating, and training him to do things for you, it will make your life a lot easier and keep the FLR strong. Do not lose sight of the fact that the submissive husband craves to be dominated and told what to do. Use that to your advantage!! Be dominant and confident and order him firmly to do things for you. He will love it and it will help you.

Trust me, he would gladly work his ass of for you if he knows he's going to get a nice "rub" as a reward or it will free you up for intimate time together.

This brings me to another important point. Making time for the 'rubs' and intimacy is important. Your planning needs to factor in not only your needs but also things to keep your husband motivated, obedient, and submissive. This is where many women struggle and often fail with the FLR. If you are like me, when I get busy or stressed, sex is the last thing on my mind so admittedly during hectic times it takes a conscious effort from me to keep the intimacy and sexual energy going. On the flip side, men are highly sexual creatures. During good times, bad times, sad times, and stressful times, they are thinking about sex. It is always on their mind. That is how the male is wired. When the sexual energy from you suddenly drops or cuts off, it negatively impacts his attitude. He becomes demotivated and can even be depressed. He may be doing his best to support you but on the inside he is most likely struggling with the lack of sexual attention. In an ideal world this would not happen, but lets face it, the male reaction is not always ideal. If you think back to the basics of FLR, orgasm control and teasing is one of the core techniques used in just about every FLR. That is because men are highly motivated by sex. You need to use this to your advantage, no matter what the situation.

This makes for a good stopping point. In my next post I will write more about orgasm control and get into the the fun ideas. Hope you are enjoying this series of posts. Please send feedback, thoughts, questions, or ideas...

The Busy Dominat Wife Part II - Putting a Strategy In Place by -Mz Kaylee

In my last post I introduced the concept that when things get busy it often becomes a challenge to keep the structure of the FLR in place. However, it is during the busy times in which the leader should lean more on the FLR structure to help get through the busy time and reduce stress. In this post, I will provide suggestions on how to avoid falling out of the FLR routine and how to maintain your authority and control during the busy times. The post focuses on a few "theory" type ideas. My later post will get into some fun practical ideas for you to implement.

First the theory - think about what your ideal day-to-day FLR state would be. Make sure it is realistic and not fantasy. It should take into consideration what you want as well as the needs of your husband. For me it would include things like coffee made for me every morning, hubby keeps up with chores, nightly foot rubs and massages, discipline sessions twice a month, he pleasures me several times a week, his orgasms are 6 - 8 weeks apart, he receives several quick teases from me daily and more intense teasing at least once a week, etc.

The ideal state is what you should strive to achieve on a day-to-day basis for at least 50% of the time during the year. When you hit those times when it is not achievable, the best thing you can do is recognize the situation and put a plan in place to keep as much intact as you can. If the situation is short-lived, then it may be as simple as communicating to your husband that over the next week or two things are going to be hectic and that you expect him to still be on his best behavior. You could have him do an extra chore or two to help you.

If it is going to be longer, then thoughtful planning can go a long way in helping you get through the tough time while also keeping the FLR intact and keeping your husband motivated. Situations that can put a strain on the FLR include, a project at work that requires extra hours over a period of time, taking a class while also working, taking care of a sick parent, or multiple kids activities such as sports, play, and clubs. As a parent of teenagers, I certainly have been one of those people caught up in the whirlwind of activities that consume most of my time. It is the joy of my life to be involved with the kids activities but I also know it is important to spend time with my husband.

When the busy times hit here are a few strategic things that you can do to not lose focus and time with your partner:

1. Talk to him about the situation and tell him you need his help during the busy time. This sets the expectation that things are going to change a bit. Also, a submissive man will be more than happy to help. Remember, his motivation is to serve you and make you happy. You could play into his submissive nature and demand that he help you. Let him know that even though you may not have time to watch him closely, you expect him to keep up with his chores. By taking a firm and authoritative tone when talking about this, it will stir up his submissive desires and motivate him to work for you.

2. Plan "touch points" with your husband during the day and week. Quality alone time with each other is usually what suffers the most during the busy times. Force yourself to spend time together even if it is just a few minutes a day. Morning and evening are great times for this since these are the times you are most likely to be home together. It's as simple as waking up together and being in the same room. I leave for work before him but he wakes up at the same time as me and will get ready for work with me. In the evenings, go to bed together or establish a bed time routine. In my house my husband stays up later to do chores :) but when I go to bed he comes up with me and irons my clothes and gets his clothes ready for the next day. Then when I am in bed he goes back to his chores. Just being together for this short-time is enough to have quick conversations and catch up on things and stay connected with each other. Other things you can do is have breakfast together, a quick call during the day, or require him to text you during the day or evening. Leaving him notes is another way to create a touch point. I use notes frequently when I am busy. I can write them anytime during the day when I have free time and then leave them for him to read in the evening or morning. I will use notes to give him tasks and assignments to do, express dissatisfaction and issue punishments, instruct him what to wear during the day, or to express my appreciation/satisfaction for his obedience.

You can also incorporate routines and rituals into these touch points which will reinforce your authority, satisfy his submissive needs and keep him motivated. Our bedtime routine is that when I am ready for bed Thomas will go upstairs and get naked and put his robe on. He will make sure a dry towel is in the bathroom for me. If I am taking a bath he will draw the bath for me. When I undress he will have my robe ready for me to put on. Sometimes I will make him undress me, other times I will just have him remove my panties. When I am in the bathroom he goes about his usual business but when I come out he comes back to the bedroom to iron my clothes. If there is anything I need him to do, he will do it for me. He will also give me a massage, which includes kissing my body as he massages. If I desire, he will pleasure me. Then it's off to bed for me and he is off to finish his chores. When things get busy, the massages may not happen but he is still required to do all the other things and I do require him to kiss my feet every night when possible. There are some nights where our schedules are way off and we can not stick to the routine. However, the expectation from me is that when we are home together, the routine will occur unless there is some unusual situation. Having that routine is an effective way to feed his submissive desires. I certainly enjoy having him wait on me hand and foot but the little things like requiring him to be naked, requiring him to remove my panties every night, and requiring him to kiss my feet are motivators for him. These requirements help set the relationship apart from a traditional marriage and feed his submissive desires.

Some other ideas for morning or night routines are:

1. Require him to kneel and kiss your feet or other part of your body before bed or each morning when you wake up
2. Have him kneel silent while you dress and get ready for work (during this time you can order him to do things for you and help you get dressed)
3. Have him dress/undress you
4. Have him get your shoes for you or put them away, and have him put your shoes on/take them off.

These are all things that do not add time to your routine and some of them will even help you so they are ideal routines during your busy time. You don't have to do these every night either. You can pick certain days of the week that he must do these things (slave nights), you can change the routine each week, or you can randomly require him to do them. For example, once when I was busy and had not been spending much time with Thomas, I woke him up early one weekday morning and handed him a note before I went into the bathroom. The note instructed him to put on a pair of panties that were on my dresser and kneel quietly by my dresser and wait for me. When I came in he was kneeling and hard as a rock (exactly what I expected!). I proceeded to get ready for work while he knelt and watched me. I had him dress me and put my shoes on. I referred to him as slave frequently and he was not permitted to talk until I left for work. I ordered him to wear the panties to work that day. This whole routine did not add any time to my schedule, other than the time to write the note but it left a lasting impression with Thomas, fed into his submissiveness, and energized him to keep obeying me. It is also worked well with our schedule because the kids were sleeping during this time. The randomness of it caught him off guard, which seemed to excite him even more. I only did it once but it had a lasting effect.

When you are busy, these touch points and routines will be a tremendous help in keeping you connected with your submissive husband and keeping him motivated to serve and obey you. During your busy times, if you can incorporate at least one routine daily, that is ideal. I would recommend that at a minimum you do one or two of the routines twice a week and have daily touch points. I personally enjoy being pampered and treated like a queen so I enjoy the routines. However, I want to emphasize that employing these routines during busy times is a planned strategy by you to keep him motivated and submissive. The primary purpose of these routines is not for your direct benefit. This is the "maintenance" to keep him submissive to you. For example, when a man kneels naked before his wife, removes her panties, and stares into her sex or upward at her naked body because he is required to, it sends a message to him that he is submissive to her, beneath her, and under her control. Doing this regularly keeps him submissive, obedient, and happy.

In my next post I will write about planning for date nights and the "less than ideal state."

What is Your Ideal State?

I will have the next part of "The Busy Dominant Wife" published soon. In the meantime I would like to hear from each of you on what is your ideal FLR state? I wrote about this in my last post and described my ideal state. Remember that it is not your fantasy. It is a realistic state in your FLR based on your current situation, which takes into account both your needs & desires and your partner's needs & desires. The ideal state can change and evolve over time. If you have a desire to achieve a certain ideal state over a longer period of time, that is fantastic. If you'd like you can describe your current ideal state and the ideal state that you hope to achieve in the future.

I would love to hear from both Woman Leaders and male submissives: What is your ideal FLR state? Are you currently in that state? It will be interesting to see if there is a difference between Women and men (please state if you are M or F if it is not obvious from your name).

The Busy Dominant Wife Part 1 -Mz Kaylee

One of the challenges that many couples face is dealing with hectic schedules. It is far too easy to get caught up in late nights at work, kids activities, and other life things such as school, church activities, and volunteer work. These are all great things but when they converge together all at once it affects intimate time and "alone" time with your spouse. It is very important that you carve out time to spend with each other. It is great if you can do the above activities together as a couple, but it is also very important to give yourselves 1-on-1 time with each other. This is important for every couple regardless of your FLR status. Couples who do not allow for this 1-on-1 time on a regular basis may find that after many years of marriage they've grown apart from each other. No matter how busy you are, you need to make time for each other. Your spouse should be your number one supporter in your life, which is why it is important to keep your relationship with him strong.

When 1-on-1 time is lacking, couples grow apart and that "spark" begins to fade and so it is important to keep intimacy and personal time with your spouse as a priority in your relationship. There are always going to be times when things are hectic and often it is out of your control. However, your goal should be to minimize the hectic times and keep them short-lived. Hectic times should be moments in our life and not a lifestyle.If it is turning into a lifestyle, then you need to seriously evaluate what you are doing and change your path forward. Of course that is a whole discussion in itself and my intent with the post is not to discuss changing your lifestyle. What I do want to offer up is suggestions for managing your FLR during the busy and hectic times.

It is ironic that when we as female leaders are busy, we often rely less on our submissive husbands. This really is the time that we should be leaning heavily on them to do things for us. However, we get so caught up in the busy things that we forget to delegate work to them or just don't find the time to take advantage of the pampering or do the normal discipline and follow-through routines. Next thing you know weeks or months go by and you are completely out of your FLR routine and you have a very unhappy and mopey husband. During the busy times you should have an even stronger focus on dominating him and making him work for you instead of focusing on your busy work. Make him work for you so that you are not taking on all the stress and work. Oddly enough this will make him happier than if you were to become lax in your authority over him.

In my next few posts I will provide suggestions on how to avoid falling out of the FLR routine and how to maintain your authority and control during the busy times. I'll start with a few "theory" type ideas and then get into some fun practical ideas for you to implement.

The details are intrguing and provide specific ideas to incorporate into your FLR.

Chores: Laundry, sweep house, clean bedroom, kitchen and bathroom, vacuum, does dishes, does chores without being told, does 99% of chores and errands, consistent and thorough with housework

Discipline and Spanking : Regular discipline sessions, maintenance spankings, whipping, spanked to tears, OTK position for 15-20 minutes; Mistress uses variety of instruments such as riding crop, wooden spoon, hairbrush, paddle and leather belt

Pampering/Massage: He bathes her, massages her, puts lotion on her, shaves and cleans her pussy; he gives her manicures, pedicures, foot rubs; increased knowledge and competence in massage

Punishment/held accountable: Punished when needed, punishment fits the crime, he is held accountable, he is questioned, punished with extra assignments, reprimanded, or curtailment of privileges; punishments generally should not be necessary, corporate punishment that is a deterrent, she brings out her inner "bitch" with punishments
Unconditional Obedience Does what she wants immediately and without question; is her housewife

Loves and Respects Her: Is polite to me, respects me when I am with others, is loving and caring
Strictness and Control Controls his TV watching, sex life, bedtime, clothes/underwear that he wears, conversations; she gives directives/does not request; she verbalizes exactly what she wants; she is more controlling, more strict, more open with her desires and expectations; she fingers his bottom with a "fuck me" dominant attitude; she exerts more power over him
Sex By Her Terms Her rules and her priorities during sex, she takes complete control of sex, she decides when and how, sex whenever she wants and on her terms

Use of Rituals: Kneeling, foot worship, ritual of service (serving tea in bed), kneeling naked daily, daily rituals, ritual when wife returns home (greet her naked, kiss her, kneel, kiss feet, remove shoes)
oral sex for her/Face sitting Required pussy worship every morning, endless oral sex, complete oral servitude, lots of oral sex
Orgasm Control She completely controls his orgasms

More Teasing More teasing and denial; a day of teasing for him, constant teasing by wife, more teasing and mind games

More sex/sex on demand/orgasms for her : More focus on her desires and less on his, she demand sex more often, sex on her terms, more orgasms for her

He recognizes obedience to her/ownership Acknowledges FLR, that he obey and belongs to her, she is breadwinner and he is homemaker

Other Responses (not on summary grid):
Less Whining No pestering about lack of orgasms, knowing when to shut up and listen

Deep Connection with her: She should probe into his heart and mind, know him fully, a connection with her where he is both awed and amazed by her and her lover for him and the thought of looking for sexual satisfaction elsewhere does not enter his mind; deep emotional connection not always seen in vanilla marriage

Public Play/Play with others: Engage with others in some way, participate with another/others as a submissive couple, be dominated in public (verbal, slap, dominant situations)

Training Training protocols:  training to do it right

Miscellaneous Responses by both men & Women: Forced cum eating, he is naked, cuckolding, she has final decision

Miscellaneous Responses by men: only Anal penetration by her, he worships her ass, forced bi, he is collared, he is marked, she wears male clothes, erotic humiliation, he acknowledges female supremacy and FLR, monthly review/assessment of FLR, sexualizing mundane tasks, she feels free to live as she desires, he is rewarded, she dresses dominantly/fetish wear, she is available 24/7 for nursing, she is firm with softness, sex slave/forced to do things for her, she is comfortable being pleased in ways other than intercourse, she values him, punishments are safe and come with care/discussion time afterward, she talks seductively

Miscellaneous Responses by Women only Feminization, he is attentive to her needs and keeping her happy, treats her like a Goddess; he cooks for her, drives her around and takes care of car, does shopping; he is her sex toy, does everything with pleasure, drinks her piss; she control finances; he does spontaneous gestures such as hair brushing, cuddling, pedicures, doing extra (all) chores, doing chores for her friend.

Submission

“Submission is not weakness in a man. In fact, only a brave man has the courage to go against what society has taught him. Only a strong man is able to humble himself to a woman and confess his need to be dominated. Only a man of character is willing to come to terms with the fact that he is not superior to women.”

you know where you belong

I want you to look over there, through those windows. Do you see that? Don’t you feel sorry for them? They are living in the past.
They would both be so much happier, if they could embrace the truth. you’ve embraced it,haven’t you little one?
you know where you belong. Bent over in front of Me, or at My feet like a good little doggy.

Popular ‘Female Domination’ Themes

• Dominatrix (Also called a ‘domme’ – a women who takes the dominant role in bondage, discipline and sadomasochism (deriving of pleasure from submitting to physical or emotional abuse))
• Flogging (Also called whipping or caning)
• T&D (‘Tease and denial’ – used to describe any technique that involves the sexual stimulation of a male to cause intense arousal without climax)
• Pegging (A sexual practice in which a woman penetrates a man’s anus with a strap-on dildo)
• Forced feminization (Also known as ‘sissification’ – the practice of switching the gender role of a male submissive, usually achieved through cross-dressing, where the male is dressed in female attire, ranging from just wearing female undergarments to being fully dressed in very feminine attire and make-up)
• Golden showers (A paraphilia in which sexual excitement is associated with the sight or thought of urine or urination)
• Cum curious (A fetish whereby the male is forced after orgasm to clean up and swallow his seminal fluid)
• Forced chastity (A belt like device designed to prevent masturbation or sexual intercourse)
• Cuckolding (A fetish describing a man’s desire to observe his partner have sex with another man)
• Bondage (The state of one who is bound as a slave)
• Cock and ball torture (Also called ‘ball busting’ – a sexual activity involving torture of the male genitals)
• Face sitting (Also known as ‘queening’ – female sits on or over the males face, typically to allow or force oral-genital or oral-anal contact)
• Wax play (Hot wax usually dripped from candles or ladled onto a person’s naked skin)
• Ruined orgasm (Stimulation is provided to the moment orgasm is inevitable, and then stopped by breaking all physical contact with the genitals just as orgasm begins)

You’re Not Bisexual; You’re Submissive

Cock doesn’t turn you on. Being told to suck cock turns you on. A man’s tight balls don’t make your dick hard. Being told to take his balls in your mouth makes your dick hard. Bisexual. Straight. Gay. None of those labels matter. Submissive. That’s the label that matters.

Your wife and cuckoldress has trained you as her submissive and as such you’re willing to do anything she tells you. If she demands that you get on your knees and fluff her bull, you do so without hesitation. You suck his cock eagerly and passionately because you want him to be rock hard for your wife. You want him to slide into her pussy with ease and fuck her in the way you’ve so often failed to do.

When she hops off his cock and tells you to suck her pussy juices off of it, you do so eagerly. You want to taste her cunt on his cock. You want to taste his precum. You want to bring him a little closer to orgasm before she gets back on her bull and rides him.

When you’re ordered to suck and lick his balls while he’s fucking your wife, you do so without question. It feels good to pleasure him because she asked you to. It feels good to lick the sweat off his sack. It feels good to be helpful. It feels good to be involved in your wife’s sex life like this.

If she wants you to take his cumshot directly in your mouth, you’ll open wide. If she wants you to give him a rimjob as he’s pounding her doggystyle, you’ll do it. You might hesitate, but if your wife wanted you to bend over and take it up the ass, you’d do it. She fucks you with her strapon all the time so it’s not like you’ve never been sodomized.

You’re a submissive. It’s what turns you on more than anything. You’re bisexual. You’re straight. You’re pansexual. You’re whatever she wants you to be, because making your dominant wife happy is what really gives you pleasure.

Why I Want To Fuck My Boyfriend Up The Ass

1. I want to do it because it’s a morally neutral act that carries no shame. 
2. I want to do it because I love my boyfriend’s butt. I love my boyfriend, much more, but I love his butt in a completely separate way. Frankly, my relationship with my boyfriend and his butt is nearly polyamory. He has an exceptional butt, a truly world-class ass, round and strong and smooth, and it’s a joy just to touch. To outright fuck it, to have that amazing ass tightening beneath me and that smooth skin pressing against my groin, would satisfy a primal lust for a thing of beauty.
3. I want to do it because it fucks around with gender. It’s the thrill of sex mixed with the thrill of violating gender roles, and that’s a lot of thrill right there. I want to look down and watch a man get fucked.
4. I want to do it because it could hurt him. Not that I would! I have to be conscious of myself during sex, be responsible rather than impulsive in my actions, and be highly, highly sensitive to his reactions. That’s a new way for me to experience sex. It’s also sexy as hell to have someone at my mercy because I am inside his body.
5. I want to do it because it makes the power-exchange turns me on and makes me feel powerful. 
6. I want to do it because it turns me the fuck on for reasons I can’t even elaborate here, because I don’t understand them myself. 
7. I want to do it because thinking about it gets me wet and squirming. 
8. I want to do it because I’ve had dreams about it. 
9. I want to do it because every time I’ve played with a man’s ass is a crystal clear and thrilling memory in my mind. 
10. I want to do it because it’s fucking hot.

You’re not a real sissy until you can have a sissygasm when you’re locked, like all good sissies should permanently be! 💦🔐

Lots of other sissies asked me for tips and pointers to sissygasm, so here they are below;

- If you’re having trouble with your sissygasm, edge yourself before you go into lock up, but don’t you dare cum! You can edge hours before you do it, but days or weeks before is better. Really you shouldn’t be touching your clit at all as this helps your body recognise your pussy is the main sexual organ for pleasure.

- start with two fingers and work your way to three, as you can see in my first and second gif. Massage your prostate until you feel like you’re going to cum or do a wee, and then put pressure on it and hold. Your little baby clit should start to leak now.

- move to something bigger that you can fuck yourself with and fill your hole. I am pretty stretched from all the practice so I use a large dildo as my starting point, but just use what’s best for your pussy. You should feel it rub your prostate as it enters and exits your pussy.

- before you know it, you’ll be having a sissygasm. But DONT expect quick results, it takes me about 20 minutes to have a sissygasm now but it used to be about an hour of work on my pussy until my little baby dick spewed up my inferior beta cum.

- if you need to watch porn, it hasssss to be sissy or gay related. Don’t you dare stray back to the dark side, knowing your place as a sissy is apart of the sissygasm.

- ALWAYS clean up your mess afterwards. Get down and eat your mess, a sissy never ever wastes a drop of cum, even if it’s your own useless beta cum. It’s our treat and should never be wasted.

That’s all for now sissies sisters. Double tap and REBLOG to help all sissies accomplish a sissygasm.

Bdsm Slave Rules

1. Slave should always remove clothing as soon as she/he gets home unless Master/ Mistress has laid out clothing for the slave or submissive to wear.
2. Slave should fold clothes neatly or place them in the laundry whenever he/ she gets undressed.
3. The slave or submissive is to kneel in present posture whenever the Master/ Mistress is due to arrive and wait quietly.
4. Whenever the Master/ Mistress is present in a room, the slave must ask permission to enter in the following fashion: "Would it please you if your slave entered the room."
5. The slave will kneel in the room until the Master/ Mistress gives permission that he or she may move or proceed with cleaning.
6. The slave or submissive will wear and gratefully accept any toys the Master/ Mistress chooses to insert or adorn her or him with while cleaning or in any other circumstance.
7. The slave will not speak unless spoken to and may request an opportunity to speak if there is something pressing to discuss during those periods of time when the Master/ Mistress commands silence.
8. The slave or submissive may request an opportunity to serve the Dominant in the following way: "Would it please you to have your slave serve you?"
9. The slave does not sl**p with the Master/ Mistress unless it is the express wish of the owner and then this must be seen as a privilege. It can be taken away as a form of punishment.
10. The slave or submissive will always thank the Master/ Mistress for an opportunity to serve whether it was doing a chore or being flogged.
11. The slave will keep their eyes averted unless it is the wish of the Master/ Mistress to have their slave look them in the eyes.
12. The slave will address the Master/ Mistress not by their first name, but by the title preferred by that dominant.

In public/ At home with others present:
1. A slave will receive visitors at the door with whatever clothing the Master or Mistress commanded.
2. A slave will greet visitors in whatever way the Master/ Mistress commands - this may include just taking coats and putting them away, kissing the hand of the guest or kneeling in front of them.
3. A slave will not refer to anyone using his or her first name. A slave will use the title Sir or Ma'am combined with their name to differentiate and to make sure that he or she remembers her or his place.
4. A slave will serve every person with food and drinks as requested, kneeling to each as the food or drinks are presented.
5. A slave will not use furniture and will kneel on the floor until her or his services are required.
6. A slave will not speak unless spoken to.
7. A slave will remain attentive to make sure that no one has to ask for additional food or drink. A slave should be ready before the command is issued.
8. A slave must use high protocol when commanded to do so. This means that the slave will not use first person language when referring to him or herself and will address everyone present with the honorific given to those free.

Bathroom training:
1. A slave must always ask permission before using the bathroom or taking a shower.
2. The bathroom door may never be closed in private, as a slave has no right to privacy.
3. The slave must accept it calmly when the owner decides that a bathroom break will not be allowed at that very moment.

Punishment/ Discipline:
1. Punishment and or discipline take precedence over any other command.
2. A slave must show gratitude for punishment and or discipline.
3. A slave must take correction gracefully and maintain a grateful presence around the house after the fact.
4. A slave must confess to disobedience and take responsibility even when the dominant is not present and beg for punishment and or discipline.
5. A slave must always maintain the punishment position in these cases.

Sexual Service: a Dominant's Guide
1. The slave must be available for sexual service whenever the dominant or his guests require it.
2. The slave must always be ready for any form of sexual service, which would mean that her or his body must be prepared in order to make it easy for the dominant or guests to use him or her.
3. The slave will not be allowed to have an orgasm without permission.
4. The slave will shave any body hair and maintain this at all times. Failure to do so will result in punishment.
5. The slave will be clean and pleasant to all the senses at all times.
6. The slave is not allowed to touch her or his owner's property without permission in any sexual way.

These are but a few of the requirements that some slaves live by. The list is extensive and could be lengthened quite easily. It is always a good idea to have requirements regarding online privileges and privacy, interaction with others not in the lifestyle, which would include hand signals etc. In the end it is the decision of the dominant what this list would include.

Re-centering for the FLR Life by Beach Angel

Perhaps the FLR lifestyle is new to you. You're investigating... looking for what's been missing in a successful relationship. You've had unpleasant experiences in the past, but just can't put your finger on why.

Men, you're attracted to women who are confident and strong, and know what they want when they want it. You've had bossy, demanding women in the past and the relationship has been unsuccessful. These two types of women are very different.

Ladies, you're strong-minded and want to control your world and everything it's made of. In the past, you've worked hard to carve yourself in every direction, trying to fit the mold your man wants for you...or shall we say...wants for him! You're attracted to men that are mature and strong, independent and decided. But are they, really? Or have boys (men) unobjectionably bought into the persona of what society says a man needs to be; what he is made of?

Unfortunately, in our day and time, we are straddled with the bruises of a mean world, and broken relationships. Our parents divorced when we were younger, or our fathers didn't encourage us to be true to ourselves as girls and boys in order to grow into confident women and men. For some, this has left us to figure things out for ourselves...well into our adult years.

FLR is a female-led relationship, not a female/slave relationship!

For those of you raised to believe "the man should rule the roost", or be the "head of household", feel confident that this is exactly what will result when you are able to satisfy your man's needs; he needs your leadership and guidance.

I am here to encourage you to keep an open mind when considering FLR. Be honest with yourself about what you need. Identify what you have to offer.

Ladies, he will drown you in attention, always wanting to sit at your feet. Waiting for you to tell him which chore to do next, or perhaps offering pedicures. If you long for this in your relationship, I encourage you to dig deeper.

Beach Angel

The agreement by SlaveofMelissa

Here's the agreement between Mistress Melissa and myself. It's a trial, two-week agreement that we've both agreed to commit to, no matter what. After two weeks, we'll re-evaluate the agreement and make changes if needed. Please leave your comments if you have any insight to share.

Submission Contract

**________ hereinafter referred to as Submissive, does of his own free will, and being of sound mind and body, offer himself in consensual Submission to Mistress Melissa **______, hereinafter referred to as Mistress, for the period beginning at midnight on April 29th, 2008 and ending at midnight on May 12th, 2008.

Purpose

The purpose of this Submissive contract is to instill all that such servitude implies. This contract is written to make clear the expectations of Mistress and the consequences for failure to live up to this agreement. This agreement shall serve as the basis for an extension of the relationship between Mistress and Submissive. Both are committed to promoting health and happiness and improving both lives in the spirit of loving and consensual Dominance and submission, with the intention of furthering self-awareness and exploration. Submissive desires that virtue be a significant part of this relationship.

Therefore it is agreed that fundamental to his Submission will be the practices of the virtues of trust, honesty, openness, loyalty and obedience. Without the practice of these virtues in this relationship to Mistress, there can be no true Submission. Their practice therefore, is expected and required at all times. These terms and conditions are set forth as a formal way of defining the rules by which both enter into this safe, sane and consensual relationship. With a signature, both Mistress and Submissive agree and accept that these terms and conditions cannot be altered in any way except by mutual consent.

Duties of Servitude

1. It is the duty of Submissive to please Mistress.

2. Personal duties will include the physical/ emotional needs of Mistress, amusement, sexual toy/plaything, physical comfort, waiting on Mistress as desired and needed.

3. Submissive is required to obey all commands given by Mistress within the constraints of this document.

4. Submissive agrees to show an attitude of respect at all times. Disrespect is a serious offense and will not be taken lightly.

5. Respect includes manner of speech, promptness, proper answers, obedience, loyalty and honesty.

6. Respect and obedience are the two most important aspects of attitude. Failure will result in punishment.

7. Submissive shall pay full attention to Mistress when spoken to.

8. Submissive will sit, stand, walk, kneel and lay where, when and how Mistress desires.

9. Training is the prerogative of Mistress and Her decision alone, as are the type, style and pace.

10. The attention of Submissive is to be focused on Mistress unless She commands otherwise.

11 Submissive shall conduct himself to never bring shame or embarrassment to Mistress' name or reputation. Mistress will also conduct herself in a manner that will not bring embarrassment or shame to submissive in a public or work environment setting.

12. Submissive will strive to overcome feelings of guilt or shame, and all inhibitions that interfere with his capability to serve Mistress and limit his growth as Mistress' submissive.

13. Submissive shall reveal his thoughts, feelings and desires without hesitation or embarrassment.

14. Submissive shall inform Mistress of wants and perceived needs, recognizing that Mistress is the sole judge of whether or how these shall be satisfied.

15. Submissive shall strive toward maintenance of a positive self- image and development of realistic expectations and goals.

16. Submissive shall work against negative aspects of his ego and insecurities that would interfere with advancement of these aims.

17. Submissive shall make every attempt not to “out” Mistress to those outside the D/s lifestyle, including family and friends, except by mutual consent. No one outside the D/s community is to know about the agreement between Submissive and Mistress, unless both Submissive and Mistress agree.

Availability

1. Submissive will be unconditionally available to Mistress during agreed-upon arrangements outside of work hours.

2. Submissive agrees to please Mistress to the best of his ability.

3. Submissive agrees that his body belongs to Mistress, to be used as She sees fit within the guidelines defined by this agreement.

4. Submissive agrees that Mistress possesses the right to determine whether others can use his body and what use they may put it to. Mistress will discuss all such instances in advance with Submissive, to be certain that such play with others will not violate any established limits.

5. Due to the extreme physical danger inherent in unprotected sexual activity, both Mistress and Submissive shall practice safer sexual practices with others.

Safewords

1. Submissive is allowed safewords in all activities when necessary and trusts implicitly in Mistress to respect the use of said safewords.

2. If a condition arises in which the Submissive needs to use a safeword, Mistress will assess the situation and determine an appropriate course of action. Caution: YELLOW, Stop: RED

3. Once Submissive has recovered, the issues causing the use of the safeword will be discussed and a mutual arrangement for the future will be agreed upon.

4. Submissive agrees to feel pain within reasonable limits.

Mistress’s Rules of Discipline

1. Submissive will not accept or invite any act of discipline from anyone but Mistress. Any such attempts will be brought to the attention of Mistress as quickly as possible. In this area, Submissive has Mistress’ express permission to resist any such attempts with any means at hand.

2. The method and type of discipline, with the exception of physical and mental abuse, is at the sole discretion of Mistress.

3. Mistress will use Her good judgement and fairness in deciding on the form of discipline, taking Submissive’s limitations into consideration.

4. Submissive will keep an accurate record of both the act that created the need for discipline and the punishment that was earned.

5. When physical discipline is applied (includes hands, flogger, crop, etc.) Submissive will count out loud the number of strokes he is to receive and express his thanks to Mistress for Her attention. If Submissive loses track of the count, the count will begin from the start.

6. Once the discipline has been completed, Submissive will be forgiven and the cause forgotten.

7. All discipline will be fair and not without cause. If Submissive has displeased Mistress as a result of Mistress not being clear on Her rules and/or instructions, then no discipline is justified or will be given.

Special Conditions / Hard Limits

At NO time will the physical relationship involve the following:

1. children

2. animals

3. abuse (mental or physical)

4. scat

5. life-threatening

6. body mutilation (including piercing, tattoos and branding).

7. blood play

8. homosexual (male/male) contact


Family will always come first. There will be NO exceptions.
Mistress Responsibilities

1. Protect and defend the honor and name of Submissive.

2. Try to insure that Submissive does not ignored or neglected.

3. Maintain an honest and faithful relationship with Submissive.

4. To assume absolute and total control of Submissive's mind, soul and body, and therefore his development into the true submissive he desires to be.

5. Make every attempt not to “out” Submissive to those outside the D/s lifestyle, including family and friends, except by mutual consent. No one outside the D/s community is to know about the agreement between Submissive and Mistress, unless both Submissive and Mistress agree.

6. At all, times and in all ways, to look after the physical well-being of Submissive. Exercise safe and sane practices, and do not attempt forms of play with which are hazardous to the Submissive unless She is confident in her ability to ensure his safety.

7. Although Submissive’s body belongs to Mistress, Mistress’s body is Her own, and is not subject to any limitations on who else may use it. However, due to the intimacy and respect that Mistress and Submissive share, Mistress will inform Submissive of any and all physical / sexual encounters with others, in advance, if possible.



I, Submissive **_____, offer my submission to Mistress Melissa **_____ under the terms stated above on this the _____ day of _____ in the year _____.

Signature of submissive ________________________________

I, Mistress Melissa **_______, offer my acceptance of Submissive’s submission under the terms stated above on this the _____ day of _____ in the year _____.

Signature of Dominant ________________________________

To my Mistress - Letter

To my Mistress,

When I entered into this lifestyle, it was with a great deal of anticipation, excitement, and respect for you. I love and crave your authority over me. Yet I confess that I have not served you well as a good submissive should. I want to offer this, my apology, and my explanation.

Slowly we are both coming into our respective roles of sexual dominance and submission. But as I explained in an earlier post in this blog, my submission to you is not merely a sexual act. It is a lifestyle. Sex is part of that, but I desire more complete submission than simply our bedroom activities.

I departed from your rules, slowly, at first. And you didn't resist. You didn't discipline or admonish. You didn't seem to notice, actually. As time went on, I realized the foolishness of offering submission to someone who didn't seem to want it. It seemed rather pathetic, actually, to sit at your feet or to cast my eyes down when you entered the room. You didn't seem to care about or appreciate such acts.

I decided to go back to my life before our agreement and offer you whatever level of respect and submission you required from me. I must say that it is terribly unfulfilling. My strongest desire is to place not only my sexual experiences, but my life in your hands. I want to show you, through word, thought, and deed, how I respect and honor you. I want you to feel as strongly about your authority as I do, and I want you to demand my respect and submission.

Given our recent conversations and late-night activities, I'd like to re-commit myself to our agreement.

I'm a very young submissive, and you might do best to think of me as a child, requiring training, routine, and discipline. When I do not follow your rules or give you the respect you deserve, I should be punished.

It is not my place to tell you how, or even if, you should train me. And I know I'm already walking perilously close to that line. But if it pleases you, I'd be like to offer suggestions for rules and guidelines while we both become comfortable in our roles:

-When in private, I am not to sit at the same level as you.  My proper place is on the floor, at your feet.

-When you leave the room, I should follow you, unless you instruct otherwise.


-When walking, I should always follow a few steps behind you.


-In private, I should address you as Ma'am or Mistress, never anything more familiar.


-Direct eye contact is not allowed unless I'm instructed otherwise.


-I should always wear a tangible token of my submission. In private, this could be a collar. In public, a dog tag or chain concealed under clothing.


-As I have failed you in this area in particular, chastity should be enforced with the use of a restraining device when I am home alone, and possibly at other times as you see fit. You will hold the key.

It's my hope, Mistress, that we can resume our relationship. I live to serve you, though, and if this is not what you wish, then I will of course comply. I love you, I adore you, and I apologize for my failure as your servant. Please continue to train me. I will naturally accept whatever punishment you deem appropriate.

Humbly,
Your servant

Sex in the Female Led Relationship

An interesting aspect of female led relationships to me is the question about how sex should be handled. As a normal male, I do of course enjoy having sexual intercourse with a woman but a part of me I admit views it as having the implication of equity by its very nature, the joining of two complementary parts. And there are positions; most notably “doggie style” and missionary with would actually place the submissive male in a rather dominant position in relation to the dominant female partner during intercourse. As a submissive male I am not sure I should ever be allowed to feel any equality with respect to my dominant female partner. I actually can say with all sincerity that I do subscribe to the ideology of Female Supremacy and I make no apologies for it. To me Female Supremacy, which I define simply as a harmonious environment where both sexes are valued and respected but the final decision in all matters is made by women, is the natural progression and logical extension of female dominated D/s lifestyle relationships. Given that I’m not sure how I feel about the idea of engaging in intercourse with a dominant female partner.

Many who engage in female led D/s relationships believe that intercourse should be eschewed for cunnilingus and strap-on sex. Should the female dominant partner feel the desire for intercourse then they maintain that the male submissive should only be allowed to penetrate her with a strap-on dildo rather than with his own penis. This does make some sense to me as it provides for the penetrative pleasure of the dominant female without the over-shadowing of equality that I alluded to earlier. The male himself is denied the pleasurable sensations associated with intercourse and of course the opportunity to orgasm. I do however know from past discussions with dominant women, that some do enjoy penetrative sex and penetration by an actual penis. Perhaps if this is allowed then as a minimum the submissive male should never be permitted to orgasm during intercourse.

With men in general it is pretty much an accepted fact that the longer a man goes without orgasm, the greater lengths he will go to in order to achieve one. In other words, a teased man will especially attentive and will do whatever his Mistress wishes. Conversely, once a man is sexually gratified, he not thinking about sex any longer for the moment and tends to be less sensitized to the needs and desires of the woman. Some submissive men even report that their submissive feelings ebb to the lowest point after they orgasm. This is the primary reason that many in the lifestyle believe that a man’s orgasm must be harnessed both figuratively and literally. He is conditioned to correlate denial of orgasm with punishment and fulfillment of orgasm as reward. He soon sees the opportunity to have an orgasm as a gift from his dominant, not as some entitlement. Some of the methods for exercising the practice of strict denial include;

• The submissive male is never allowed under any circumstances to masturbate, unless instructed to do so by his dominant female partner.
• The submissive male is never permitted to orgasm unless his Mistress has already done so and gives him permission.
• The dominant female never performs fellatio on her submissive male except perhaps in a limited sense when using it as a tease to exacerbate the effects of denial, to increase his arousal and enhance his feelings of submission.
• On those rare occasions when a submissive male is allowed sexual release, he should only be permitted to do so by either rubbing against something, such as the mattress, or by manual masturbation using his own hands.
• Orgasms should be used as a reward for submissive males but having an orgasm without permission should also be a punishable offense.
• Semen should be disposed of in a way that humiliates the male such as by oral consumption.
• The extreme method of controlling the submissive male’s orgasm by use of chastity control devices; chastity belts, tubes and the like should be employed whenever it is evident that the male lacks sufficient willpower and self-discipline to refrain from masturbating without permission. Many who endorse the use of chastity devices and the rationing of male orgasms believe that limiting the male to one release per week is a good starting point and he can be gradually conditioned from that point to longer periods of time until ideally, he is kept in denial for two to three weeks at a time. Even longer periods might be imposed to punish bad behavior.

Talking Points:

For Dominant Women: In your opinion should normal sexual intercourse be a part of a female led D/s relationship? If you believe penetrative sex is okay, then do you feel only positions should be used which do not place your submissive male in a dominant position to you during sex? How do you feel about the idea suggested that the submissive male be allowed only to penetrate you with a strap-on dildo instead of his actual penis?

Rules for Volunatary Male Slaves - Humanity & Mindfulness

I was skimming through lists of rules for consensual slavery. I may write about some of them later. I thought I’d try dashing out my own list.

My list ignores distinctions like whether the role is submissive or slavish. Lifestyle, intermittent or for play partners. I tried to concentrate it into what might be called core values. Or my sense of what is common to the full spectrum of D/s relationships.

I’m not claiming that my list is definitive (indeed I tried to keep it open ended). As physicists say it is a thought experiment.

Written in a F/m framework only because all of the others weren’t. Limited to ten rules by design. Order is arbitrary.


Your quibbles, additions are as always invited.

1. A slave must be honest from the moment he begins communicating with a dominant woman. Never lie about relationships, experience level or anything else.
2. A slave will seek to understand want he wants and needs and to know the difference between the two.
3. A slave needs to realize some fantasies will never be more than just that. And that some of his fetishes may not strike a responsive chord within her.
4. A slave has a duty to act as an intelligent human being.
5. A slave repays a dominant woman’s attention with respect, humility and obedience. This is inherent in the nature of the relationship.
6. A slave always communicates his feelings as clearly as possible.
7. If the slave feels that his needs aren’t being met he will confess that respectfully without seeming to make demands.
8. A slave will watch to see if his dominant woman is tired or not feeling well and focus on her comfort, not on having a session.
9. A slave should never think of a dominant woman as a torture and humiliation machine. That is objectifying her.
10. A slave will remember that D/s is a relationship between people. He will strive to never forget that the dominant woman is a human being. That regardless of the power relationship thoughtless behavior on his part can inflict emotional hurt on the other person.

Civility, honesty and honor sum it up.

Trust in a Female Dominant Relationship - (From an abandoned blog, I no longer have the link.)

Trust & Love: The Basis of a Female Led Relationship


Above all she would recognize my submission to her as something intrinsically valuable and desirable possess. A fair exchange or equivalent to the dominance she gives in return. She would be exacting, taking full advantage of the power given to her, but would be capable and willing to share the pleasure from my gift of submission. Submission is in a real sense a gift, not in the sense of something that is transferred by one person to another without any expectation of receiving something in return, but in the sense of something that is freely and willingly given. I choose to submit, it is not something that another can demand or take from me by force.

She would first and foremost, be firmly in control of her own life and emotions, otherwise how could she inspire confidence in me that she could control mine. She would possess the capacity to be stern and demanding when it was called for, even to the point of provoking me to cry real tears. But she would also have the capacity to act as the consummate lover, able to kiss those tears away, without stepping out of character. In times of trouble she could easily step outside the role of Mistress to be a supportive friend, lover and partner, never forgetting that above all else we were together joined in a loving relationship between two caring human beings. She would be quick to grasp the differences between fantasy and reality and would never demand that I put her before my career or family, simply to satisfy capricious needs.

To win my mind, body, spirit, and love she would understand that she must first win and then continually nurture my trust. She would manifest humor, intellect, kindness and warmth. She would demonstrate wisdom in her guidance and training inspiring confidence in me that she was knowledgeable, deserving of my devoted attention and that she is a woman I can learn from and whose direction I could always implicitly trust. She would be romantic and protective making me feel that our relationship was something she jealously safeguarded and considered precious. She would demonstrate to me that she is someone I can lean on and depend on.

She would nurture and nourish my submission by instructing me in her lessons of obedience and would be a strong and unyielding teacher. She would accept no flaw, nothing less than my very best efforts at attaining her ideal of submissive perfection. She would never discipline without good reason or in anger. When it was necessary she would always discipline with a knowledgeable and careful hand.

She would always be open to communication and discussion, always willing to hear my wants, needs and desires, even if ultimately she decided that they were not things she considered to be in my best interests. She would be patient, taking time to learn my limits, fully aware that as my trust in her grows, so would my willingness to have my limits stretched and challenged.

She would fully comprehend that I submit to her out of my deeply felt desires and need to please her. My compliance comes from the wanting to please, not the fear of punishment. She would understand the fragile nature of the mind and body and would never purposely violate the trust given to her. She would be secure enough to laugh at herself and the absurdities of life, open-minded enough to explore and learn new things, and strong enough to grow. Her tools would be mind, body, spirit, and love. She would understand that each partner in a relationship gains most from pleasuring the other and that in the final analysis trust and love are the only bindings that truly hold.

Female Domination Facts, Fallacies, Myths - (Old Usenet post. Edited.)

False Stereotypes of Female Domination

Dominant women as depicted in the mass media and popular culture is false and misleading

Some authors are under orders to write descriptions of their sessions and many of these are genuine accounts of a session (or lifestyle). The stories are directed to male readers who, it is hoped, will be turned on by the portrayed dominant woman and will contact Her. The dominant women may be attired in leather, brief lingerie, spike-heeled boots or shoes, masks, etc., and are usually brandishing a corrective implement.

There are a few publications in which only dominant woman-authored articles and stories are published; they are authentic and involve discussions on the dominant woman’s point of view. These articles are educational and informative.

It is important to distinguish a hack pulp writer’s description of a dominant woman (first person) and the action in the story. There are certain clues that the reader or viewer can pick up after reading a number of these accounts.

FALLACY: All dominant women are absolutely gorgeous and have non-stop legs.

FACT: dominant women come in all shapes, sizes and colors. Some would not be considered “pretty” by any stretch of the imagination. Some are Amazon-types, imposing, while some are petite, dainty, Women. dominant women are as varied as Women in the general population, with as many varied backgrounds and interests.

FALLACY: dominant women live in 20-room mansions and keep a stable of slaves in the cellar. The slaves and servants work round the clock attending to the household and other chores and duties.

The slaves are kept in cages and chains when not in use and are always being punished for some infraction. These dominant women spend their entire day lounging or preparing themselves for a party or affair. They have 12 closets full of expensive clothes and shoes and their biggest concern is dress and toilette.

Naturally, they are wealthy and haven’t a care in the world because their slaves are doctors, lawyers, and accountants. The slaves, purportedly, hand over their assets and income for permission to live in total slavery in the dominant woman’s castle. The slaves are kept on strict diets of approximately 500 calories a day, and the food is gruesome. This dominant woman is a modern-day Medieval Queen, like the one in the fairy tale “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.”

FACT: Most dominant women live in houses and apartments like other Women. Some are married or partnered, have children and lead a rather ordinary life outside of their slave training activities. They may or may not have one or more live-in slaves. Some slaves come over occasionally while others may spend a weekend.

FALLACY: Every submissive male wants to be a full-time, live-in slave. They can dream of nothing more satisfying and exciting than being a full-time slave. If only they could find the right dominant woman who would accept them, they would do anything for Her, submit to degradation and torture. And, of course, EVERY dominant woman is on the lookout for just such a slave.

FACT: Few males are interested in full-time slavery under any conditions. Many are married with families and some have careers that could not possibly include entertaining business colleagues down in the slave dungeon. How could they explain the lousy grub and living conditions to a honcho from IBM? What about a telephone, a fax machine, and the company car?

FALLACY: All submissive males are submissive all the time; they love to submit to a dominant woman whenever She commands and will come to Her at any time, even across five states if necessary. Nothing is too difficult, too embarrassing, or too time consuming for a submissive male when the dominant woman summons him to do Her bidding at a moment’s notice.

Occasionally, some submissive males have to be captured and forced to submit simply because they will not willingly obey the dominant woman’s orders. They are kidnapped off street corners, restrained, transported to god-awful places where they undergo horrid tortures and humiliation at the hands of crazed Women or equally crazed males (bikers, etc.). The most perverted sexual acts, even maiming and castration, ensue at the appointed destination. Nevertheless, the captive slave is always sexually aroused due to the various acts being forced upon him.

FACT: Few submissive males will submit to anything that does not sexually arouse them. Most submissive males will visit a dominant woman occasionally when he’s in the submissive “mood.” The concept of “submission” arouses them but it quickly disappeared once the submissive has satisfied his own needs. Tah tah till next time, my Queen.

Submissive males have all sorts of limits and boundaries which the dominant woman must respect, although the opposite is rarely the case. Thus, the submissive who is “not turned on” by life in a slave dungeon is not going to submit to that lifestyle come hell or high water. The “captivity scenario” is merely the fantasy of true captivation, because this submissive cannot overcome his fear of consensual submission and surrender, a perceived abyss where one never returns to the pre-captive state — finality, the pits.

This fear is the main reason why most submissives will never submit to full-time, live-in slavery or servitude. Even a one sided masochist will not submit to full-time since their pain must be administered in precisely the method and amount they require for the submissive state to overtake them.

FALLACY: All dominant women enjoy sexual intimacy with their trainees and slaves. This may be coitus, cunnilingus, anal worship, etc. Whatever turns on the slave is always what the dominant woman enjoys as well and, in fact, he is there strictly to serve Her needs and whims in this manner. The slave does little else.

Hours and hours of “torture” servicing the dominant woman while rigged up in chastity devices, chains, dildo head harnesses, and various attire such as ladies lingerie. The accounts of slave sexual service could fill 50 New York libraries. The variations are limited only by the author’s imagination, and the slave’s.

FACT: Few dominant women enjoy sexual intimacy with a slave since to do so would reduce their power and authority over him. If a submissive were interested merely in ordinary sexual encounters, he would not seek out a dominant woman. The slave’s orgasms, as well as freedom in general, are controlled by the dominant woman. She alone decides what he does, when he does it, and how. That’s the “turn-on.”

As stated above, many dominant women are married and have no interest in cohabiting with slaves while others consider it demeaning to allow a slave sexual intimacy. In stories where the “scene” ends in coitus, the dominant womantion was a prelude to “vanilla sex”, foreplay. Many dominant women live a life completely separate from slaves and slave training and are not interested in a life partnership with a submissive male of any type.

As stated previously, few submissive males are sincerely willing to fulfill a dominant woman’s real needs and desires if they do not coincide with his own perceptions of what submission should be to him.

FALLACY: All submissive males are wealthy, generous, and there is nothing they wouldn’t do for their dominant woman, even undergoing poverty and starvation for Her. They would hand over their houses, cars, boats, land, pensions, annuities, inheritances, the family jewels, and so on.

They sign a contract that says they are now the dominant woman’s slave property, to do with as She pleases (or banish). The slave “has no choice,” he has surrendered his will to the dominant woman. Right.

FACT: This writer has never seen a valid slave contract that would stand up in a court of law. Non-consensual slavery or enforced servitude by coercion or threat is illegal in most countries today. “Slave contracts” are usually consensual, open ended agreements and cannot be enforced by either party. Thus the slave can run away any time he pleases. It is only by his free will that he remains enslaved, a surrendering of his will to the dominant woman.

Full-time, live-in slaves give up personal responsibility for their actions and would not want to resume responsibility for themselves. A pure freedom. The dominant woman is burdened with the responsibility of the slave’s welfare and needs.

FALLACY: Slaves (live-in or out) spend most of their time tied up or serving the dominant woman in kinky sexual acts. They are always in trouble, so they are always being humiliated or severely punished. They can tolerate tremendous pain and suffering, denial, etc.

Even Attila the Hun could not get this slave to fess up in a pot of boiling oil. The slave withstands hours, days, months in restraints, locked in closets or kept under the bed. The scenarios defy the human body’s limits, are incredible. But the slave always comes out smelling like roses and good as new. No one missed him at home or at work. Naturally, the dominant woman, a wealthy Queen, does not miss his income or services while he is restrained for these long periods of time.

FACT: The tiny percentage of live-in submissives are engaged in typical chores and duties that any well-trained, ordinary male can do at home. They work (some do not), lead ordinary lives (that which is visible to outsiders), and assist the dominant woman with most domestic tasks and general servitude as She requires. They may assist with slave training sessions.

The major difference in a dominant woman-slave relationship, compared to a mainstream hetero relationship, is the total reversal of roles. The slave is not the “head of household,” does not negotiate work-sharing, money-sharing, or anything that remotely resembles a “normal” relationship. The lifestyle dominant woman is a Matriarch and runs the whole house as She sees fit.

The slave (whether solo or stabled) spends his day working (if he works) outside, and then comes home and does some more work like cleaning, cooking, washing the car, and all sorts of exciting things like that. Sound familiar?

No matter how tired and stressed out he is, he will work until he falls into bed exhausted. If he pleases the dominant woman, She may allow him some sexual release, but only if he’s earned that reward and only in the manner which suits Her.

Dominant women dress in ordinary clothes like other Women because only they choose what they will or won’t wear, not the slave!