1. Initiate sex. If you are entirely new to ANY sort of female dominance, first just try upping your activity level in bed. Grab the flesh on his back, pull him forward by his ass until he goes deeper into you, get louder. Think about when you want it, how you want it, and how you generally express those things. Tell him you want him in a text to him while he’s out buying groceries. Be the one to reach down and fondle him during a movie. Try to figure out what pushes your desire, how you can increase it, and how HE can increase it.
Most of all, don’t do any shaming of your own desires or fantasies. For now, let them have free reign, while still realizing that you will need your partner’s consent for everything.
If you need to, appraise how you feel about your own appearance as well. This might be controversial, but you feel more powerful when you wear lots of makeup, and am physically fit.
2. When making out, pull back, lightly hold the nape of his neck still, and tell him what you want him to do to you. Do it in a clear, authoritative voice, but if that freaks you out, maybe try a whisper. Play around with telling him in direct terms what you want: “I want you to eat me out until I come, and then you can fuck me” rather than “Please eat me out, I’ve been thinking about it all day.” This kind of subtle language shift really does move things around, even if it’s not extreme.
3. Lay the groundwork further by giving him boundaries. At this stage, perhaps he’s still basically doing most of the physical movement during sex, going from kissing your mouth to kissing your neck and breasts. Take him by the nape of the neck again, or hold onto his arms, and say “No, not yet” or “you don’t get that yet, I want to do something else.”
You are setting up a system of playful give-and-take – instead of him getting to do whatever he wants to you whenever he wants, he has to wait his turn. When he’s a gasping, quivering mess from you sucking his cock, come back up and tell him that now he can have your tits/eat you out/whatever was about to happen before.
4. During sex, ask him to rub your clit. If you ordinarily are the one to do it, tell him you’d like him to try it this time. If he has trouble with the rhythm or angle, gently direct him until it’s better for you, and say something to let him know it’s right. For the praise, it depends on how confident you’re feeling: you can go with a simple “that’s amazing,” or if things are progressing full-speed on the domination train, you can throw in a “good boy.”
5. Spend more time on top. Yes, it might feel awkward at first. Lots of females subconsciously think of sex as a performance, rather than an orgasmic experience. This is sometimes especially true when on top, and worries like “Am I too heavy to be doing this?” and “Am I moving right to get him off?” and “Are my boobs flopping around too much?” surface. Try to let go of this. Your body is fine. He is watching you and thinking “fuck yeah, naked lady riding my cock,” not “get this cow off me.” So take confidence in that, and move how YOU want to move (within reason – don’t break anything in either of you!). Want to play with your clit? Go ahead! Or move his hand toward it and let him do it. Want to grab your tits, throw your head back, moan like a wild animal? Do it! A favorite move of mine is leaning forward so that your breasts are right in his face, and he’s almost smothered in you. Hold the back of his head and press him forward into your tits.
6. Straight-up order him to give you oral. You have to do to feel confident, but find a way to conjure it up, and then tell him, directly, that he should go down on you. had trouble with being confident in receiving oral before, I sometimes play with myself a little beforehand – if he’s at work and I’m showered and awaiting him, I’ll slowly masturbate, and touch all the lips and folds that make me up. We treat female genitalia sometimes as if it’s quite mysterious/dark/impure/weird/icky/gross, so take some time to combat that. And remember, if he goes down on you with any sort of enthusiasm or regularity, he obviously wants to be there! Even if he’s tentative and just open to learning, give him some credit. It’s a fun thing for a lot of people. I stress this because I hear SO many women worry that nobody actually likes eating out, but that’s really not the truth.
How do you just order a man to eat you out? Simple, but sometimes hard to get out in the heat of the moment: “Get your head between my legs,” “Eat me out until I come,” “Go down on me, right now, I can’t wait.” Can’t figure out a way to say anything like that without becoming embarrassed? Put on some sexy music and say it to your mirror. Yes, I’m serious. Close your eyes and imagine a situation where a man is so desperately enthralled with you that you are utterly confident, completely sure in his desire for you, and SAY IT.
7. Take some more control, woman! Instead of leaning back and closing your eyes, throw a wrench in things by grabbing his hair. Keep your eyes open and look down. If he’s focused on the task at hand and isn’t looking at you, order him to: “Look up at me” or “let me see your eyes.” If he stops his tongue while he looks up at you (hey, sometimes it’s hard to multitask!), say “Don’t stop what you’re doing.” Maybe prime him before all this, back in the makeout time, by saying something like “and when you’re tasting me, I want to watch you while you do it.”
8. You’re in charge, remember? You get to be honest. You don’t have to be embarrassed and he doesn’t have to be embarrassed. His job is to make you feel good, to serve you. Don’t be cruel or mean, don’t cut down his ego out of spite – just gently redirect him by tugging his hair, or saying a direction (“a little higher, that’s it”), or just being extra enthusiastic when he hits the right spot. I’ve gone down on girls, and we really are sometimes hard to figure out, so don’t skip straight to punishing the crap out of him for doing something wrong yet. See if he enjoys this milder form of you dominating before all that.
9.Edge him whenever you’re blowing him. Keep in mind that this can get PAINFUL (have you ever been super close and then had it taken away? Terrible if it happens too often!), so don’t overdo it, especially if you haven’t talked about it extensively beforehand. But if you want to try, simply get him close with your mouth and then pull away. Tell him “no, you don’t get to come yet,” if you’re feeling up to it.
When you do decide it’s time for him to come, pick a spot where you want him to and direct his dick there. Again, this is often seen as submissive but it can help you wrap your mind around dominance if you change up your thinking: YOU decide where he comes, and YOU point it at your tits, and decide for yourself that he doesn’t come in your mouth, not this time. Instead of you sitting back and waiting for him to come all over you, you are making the active choice and taking him in hand before he can do it instead.
Whew, things are heating up. Ready to take it even a bit further?
10. Sit on his face. Yep, that’s pretty much all there is to it! For added oompth, you can stare down into his eyes or reach down and hold his head in place with your hands. You can also shift around to make sure that he’s hitting all the right spots. If you’re worried about smooshing him, I have to say that really, half the fun is in a certain amount of “smooshing.” As long as a certain amount of oxygen is reaching his brain, enjoy.
11. Remember that edging you did before when going down on him? Try it out during sex. Try tying his hands with a scarf (or something more heavy duty IF you are well-versed and ready for it - can you undo the knot? do his hands have adequate circulation?). Then, get on top, and when he’s doing the I’m-close-wiggle, stop and tell him that he doesn’t get to come yet.
If he’s really into it, he might very well plead and beg of his own accord, because shit gets real when you were close and it’s stolen away. Tease him. When he’s bucking around and trying to come, close your eyes and play with your clit languidly, as if he’s just a dildo filling you up while you have some fun with yourself. When he comes, make it when you said he could.
12. Fucking in a different position and want to keep that same dynamic? When he gets close, grab his face and tell him “no, not yet, I want you to hold on until I say you can come. Keep fucking me.” Again, be empathetic to a degree – it’s difficult to physically keep going when you’re on the edge – so don’t be surprised if there is some awkwardness where you try to work out how long of a waiting period would be hot versus how long will result in him going cross-eyed and passing out. To get a gauge on how he’s doing, ask him periodically how badly he wants to come, etc. When he’s sufficiently at your mercy, have him come. Make your language stay direct: “Now you can come,” or a more forceful “come, now.” Hold him through it and keep talking to him: “That’s it, fill me up, don’t stop.”
Most of all, don’t do any shaming of your own desires or fantasies. For now, let them have free reign, while still realizing that you will need your partner’s consent for everything.
If you need to, appraise how you feel about your own appearance as well. This might be controversial, but you feel more powerful when you wear lots of makeup, and am physically fit.
2. When making out, pull back, lightly hold the nape of his neck still, and tell him what you want him to do to you. Do it in a clear, authoritative voice, but if that freaks you out, maybe try a whisper. Play around with telling him in direct terms what you want: “I want you to eat me out until I come, and then you can fuck me” rather than “Please eat me out, I’ve been thinking about it all day.” This kind of subtle language shift really does move things around, even if it’s not extreme.
3. Lay the groundwork further by giving him boundaries. At this stage, perhaps he’s still basically doing most of the physical movement during sex, going from kissing your mouth to kissing your neck and breasts. Take him by the nape of the neck again, or hold onto his arms, and say “No, not yet” or “you don’t get that yet, I want to do something else.”
You are setting up a system of playful give-and-take – instead of him getting to do whatever he wants to you whenever he wants, he has to wait his turn. When he’s a gasping, quivering mess from you sucking his cock, come back up and tell him that now he can have your tits/eat you out/whatever was about to happen before.
4. During sex, ask him to rub your clit. If you ordinarily are the one to do it, tell him you’d like him to try it this time. If he has trouble with the rhythm or angle, gently direct him until it’s better for you, and say something to let him know it’s right. For the praise, it depends on how confident you’re feeling: you can go with a simple “that’s amazing,” or if things are progressing full-speed on the domination train, you can throw in a “good boy.”
5. Spend more time on top. Yes, it might feel awkward at first. Lots of females subconsciously think of sex as a performance, rather than an orgasmic experience. This is sometimes especially true when on top, and worries like “Am I too heavy to be doing this?” and “Am I moving right to get him off?” and “Are my boobs flopping around too much?” surface. Try to let go of this. Your body is fine. He is watching you and thinking “fuck yeah, naked lady riding my cock,” not “get this cow off me.” So take confidence in that, and move how YOU want to move (within reason – don’t break anything in either of you!). Want to play with your clit? Go ahead! Or move his hand toward it and let him do it. Want to grab your tits, throw your head back, moan like a wild animal? Do it! A favorite move of mine is leaning forward so that your breasts are right in his face, and he’s almost smothered in you. Hold the back of his head and press him forward into your tits.
6. Straight-up order him to give you oral. You have to do to feel confident, but find a way to conjure it up, and then tell him, directly, that he should go down on you. had trouble with being confident in receiving oral before, I sometimes play with myself a little beforehand – if he’s at work and I’m showered and awaiting him, I’ll slowly masturbate, and touch all the lips and folds that make me up. We treat female genitalia sometimes as if it’s quite mysterious/dark/impure/weird/icky/gross, so take some time to combat that. And remember, if he goes down on you with any sort of enthusiasm or regularity, he obviously wants to be there! Even if he’s tentative and just open to learning, give him some credit. It’s a fun thing for a lot of people. I stress this because I hear SO many women worry that nobody actually likes eating out, but that’s really not the truth.
How do you just order a man to eat you out? Simple, but sometimes hard to get out in the heat of the moment: “Get your head between my legs,” “Eat me out until I come,” “Go down on me, right now, I can’t wait.” Can’t figure out a way to say anything like that without becoming embarrassed? Put on some sexy music and say it to your mirror. Yes, I’m serious. Close your eyes and imagine a situation where a man is so desperately enthralled with you that you are utterly confident, completely sure in his desire for you, and SAY IT.
7. Take some more control, woman! Instead of leaning back and closing your eyes, throw a wrench in things by grabbing his hair. Keep your eyes open and look down. If he’s focused on the task at hand and isn’t looking at you, order him to: “Look up at me” or “let me see your eyes.” If he stops his tongue while he looks up at you (hey, sometimes it’s hard to multitask!), say “Don’t stop what you’re doing.” Maybe prime him before all this, back in the makeout time, by saying something like “and when you’re tasting me, I want to watch you while you do it.”
8. You’re in charge, remember? You get to be honest. You don’t have to be embarrassed and he doesn’t have to be embarrassed. His job is to make you feel good, to serve you. Don’t be cruel or mean, don’t cut down his ego out of spite – just gently redirect him by tugging his hair, or saying a direction (“a little higher, that’s it”), or just being extra enthusiastic when he hits the right spot. I’ve gone down on girls, and we really are sometimes hard to figure out, so don’t skip straight to punishing the crap out of him for doing something wrong yet. See if he enjoys this milder form of you dominating before all that.
9.Edge him whenever you’re blowing him. Keep in mind that this can get PAINFUL (have you ever been super close and then had it taken away? Terrible if it happens too often!), so don’t overdo it, especially if you haven’t talked about it extensively beforehand. But if you want to try, simply get him close with your mouth and then pull away. Tell him “no, you don’t get to come yet,” if you’re feeling up to it.
When you do decide it’s time for him to come, pick a spot where you want him to and direct his dick there. Again, this is often seen as submissive but it can help you wrap your mind around dominance if you change up your thinking: YOU decide where he comes, and YOU point it at your tits, and decide for yourself that he doesn’t come in your mouth, not this time. Instead of you sitting back and waiting for him to come all over you, you are making the active choice and taking him in hand before he can do it instead.
Whew, things are heating up. Ready to take it even a bit further?
10. Sit on his face. Yep, that’s pretty much all there is to it! For added oompth, you can stare down into his eyes or reach down and hold his head in place with your hands. You can also shift around to make sure that he’s hitting all the right spots. If you’re worried about smooshing him, I have to say that really, half the fun is in a certain amount of “smooshing.” As long as a certain amount of oxygen is reaching his brain, enjoy.
11. Remember that edging you did before when going down on him? Try it out during sex. Try tying his hands with a scarf (or something more heavy duty IF you are well-versed and ready for it - can you undo the knot? do his hands have adequate circulation?). Then, get on top, and when he’s doing the I’m-close-wiggle, stop and tell him that he doesn’t get to come yet.
If he’s really into it, he might very well plead and beg of his own accord, because shit gets real when you were close and it’s stolen away. Tease him. When he’s bucking around and trying to come, close your eyes and play with your clit languidly, as if he’s just a dildo filling you up while you have some fun with yourself. When he comes, make it when you said he could.
12. Fucking in a different position and want to keep that same dynamic? When he gets close, grab his face and tell him “no, not yet, I want you to hold on until I say you can come. Keep fucking me.” Again, be empathetic to a degree – it’s difficult to physically keep going when you’re on the edge – so don’t be surprised if there is some awkwardness where you try to work out how long of a waiting period would be hot versus how long will result in him going cross-eyed and passing out. To get a gauge on how he’s doing, ask him periodically how badly he wants to come, etc. When he’s sufficiently at your mercy, have him come. Make your language stay direct: “Now you can come,” or a more forceful “come, now.” Hold him through it and keep talking to him: “That’s it, fill me up, don’t stop.”
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