All of us have read, at one time or another, one of those Cosmo “Ten Ways to a Better Relationship” type articles. Most times, the tips are rehashed advice you have heard ten thousand times before. But once in a while, there is a tip that gives you a technique you might never have thought of in a million years - one that really helps your relationship.
It is in this tradition of pop magazine instant-insights that I am offering my “Top Ten BDSM Tips.” I am sure most of them will not apply to you. Though everyone should think about it just the same. Most of these tips are aimed at the Dominants. That is because the Top, for the most part, controls the action. But if a sub learns the “fine art of hinting” (Tip Number 3), I guess most of these tips can be used by submissives as well!
1. Have a BDSM tune-up every six months. If cars can have a tune-up, why not BDSM relationships? Have your submissive make a list of ten activities he/she has done in order of preference. Then he/she should write a BDSM “wish list” of ten activities he/she hasn¹t done but wants to do. These two lists should give you plenty of inspiration (and a bit of a reality check, too!) for play that will turn the both of you on. At least until your next"tune-up.“
2. Repeat your first major BDSM scene. Remember your first special BDSM scene with your partner? By re-doing your most memorable early scene, you will be able to see how far you have progressed. BDSM is one activity that gets better with age and experience. This exercise will prove it to you!
3. Learn the fine art of hinting. As a submissive, learn the subtle art of hinting. "I really liked that cock-and-ball torture demo we saw.”
Remember, it¹s always better to be slightly Toppy than bored!
4. Re-read your slave contract. Most lifestylers I know simply file away their slave contract in a drawer next to the Best Buy receipts. Both of you should read it regularly. You might be amazed how much you have let slide in your relationship.
5. Buy new toys regularly. Add a new toy to the play and watch your BDSM scening become much more exciting. (This tip really sounds Cosmo-ish!) And the toys need not only come from the Dom. Surprise your Dominant with a new toy. Any “Topping from the bottom” issues disappear when gifts are concerned!
6. Write diaries. Make sure your submissive writes a regular diary . There is no better way for a Dominant to learn about his/her submissive.
7. Read the diaries. Read your slave¹s diaries from time to time. Much like the slave contract, a diary gives you insight into your slave and a sense of where your relationship was and where it is going. Relationships don¹t run on auto-Dom. This is a great way to understand your relationship from the sub¹s point of view and make the necessary corrections.
8. Learn a new BDSM technique. As a Dom, learn mummification for example. A new scening skill is the best antidote for boredom!
9. Go to a play party. This tip is for those of you who have never been to a play party. Since you do not have to scene if you don¹t want to (voyeurism is an accepted BDSM practice), a play party is the ideal place to get new scening ideas.
10. Go over the BDSM checklist. See how your play has evolved by filling out a checklist. What a great way to discover activities that you might have overlooked. Look for play with “fives” for both of you. These are the activities that will really get your juices flowing.
It is in this tradition of pop magazine instant-insights that I am offering my “Top Ten BDSM Tips.” I am sure most of them will not apply to you. Though everyone should think about it just the same. Most of these tips are aimed at the Dominants. That is because the Top, for the most part, controls the action. But if a sub learns the “fine art of hinting” (Tip Number 3), I guess most of these tips can be used by submissives as well!
1. Have a BDSM tune-up every six months. If cars can have a tune-up, why not BDSM relationships? Have your submissive make a list of ten activities he/she has done in order of preference. Then he/she should write a BDSM “wish list” of ten activities he/she hasn¹t done but wants to do. These two lists should give you plenty of inspiration (and a bit of a reality check, too!) for play that will turn the both of you on. At least until your next"tune-up.“
2. Repeat your first major BDSM scene. Remember your first special BDSM scene with your partner? By re-doing your most memorable early scene, you will be able to see how far you have progressed. BDSM is one activity that gets better with age and experience. This exercise will prove it to you!
3. Learn the fine art of hinting. As a submissive, learn the subtle art of hinting. "I really liked that cock-and-ball torture demo we saw.”
Remember, it¹s always better to be slightly Toppy than bored!
4. Re-read your slave contract. Most lifestylers I know simply file away their slave contract in a drawer next to the Best Buy receipts. Both of you should read it regularly. You might be amazed how much you have let slide in your relationship.
5. Buy new toys regularly. Add a new toy to the play and watch your BDSM scening become much more exciting. (This tip really sounds Cosmo-ish!) And the toys need not only come from the Dom. Surprise your Dominant with a new toy. Any “Topping from the bottom” issues disappear when gifts are concerned!
6. Write diaries. Make sure your submissive writes a regular diary . There is no better way for a Dominant to learn about his/her submissive.
7. Read the diaries. Read your slave¹s diaries from time to time. Much like the slave contract, a diary gives you insight into your slave and a sense of where your relationship was and where it is going. Relationships don¹t run on auto-Dom. This is a great way to understand your relationship from the sub¹s point of view and make the necessary corrections.
8. Learn a new BDSM technique. As a Dom, learn mummification for example. A new scening skill is the best antidote for boredom!
9. Go to a play party. This tip is for those of you who have never been to a play party. Since you do not have to scene if you don¹t want to (voyeurism is an accepted BDSM practice), a play party is the ideal place to get new scening ideas.
10. Go over the BDSM checklist. See how your play has evolved by filling out a checklist. What a great way to discover activities that you might have overlooked. Look for play with “fives” for both of you. These are the activities that will really get your juices flowing.
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