[or Domina, or Mistress, etc.]
Being a Domme means I am the leader. In charge. It means I call the shots. It means I take responsibility for my sub while s/he is in my care. It means I can relax into who I really am and encourage my sub to do the same.
It does NOT mean that I have to
Because being a Domme means I can fully and joyfully embrace who I really am, what I really enjoy, who and how I really love. No one gets to tell me that I’m not a Domme unless I do this or if I don’t do that.
Being a Domme means I can express love and affection if that’s what I feel. It means I can have what I want. For me, it means that I care about my sub and like to enjoy non-D/s time together, too. It means that being a Domme means different things to different women – and there should be only one SHOULD when it comes to how you make that role your own: your sub’s safety and well-being.
As a Domme, the single biggest responsibility and thrill is the absolute trust that a sub gives me when I bind him or take away his decisions. To fail in that trust would be a betrayal of my sub and of myself. That means that I research, I read, I try new ‘toys’ on myself first, I test, I train, and I make sure that I am worthy of the confidence I have in myself and in the trust my sub has in me.
Ultimately, I tell my subs that I want unconditional everything. Trust. Obedience. Vulnerability. Emotion. Certainly that takes time. But in return, I will give them my absolute focus and pleasure and joy and appreciation. I want that for me, and I want that for them.
That’s what being a Domme means – to me. What does it mean to you?
Being a Domme means I am the leader. In charge. It means I call the shots. It means I take responsibility for my sub while s/he is in my care. It means I can relax into who I really am and encourage my sub to do the same.
It does NOT mean that I have to
- Be angry all the time
- Use a strap-on, whip, or handcuffs
- Be a lesbian, bi-sexual, heterosexual, or asexual
- Wear leather, lace, thongs, latex, high heels or any other damn thing I don’t feel like wearing.
- Avoid blowjobs or give blowjobs
- Think men are worthless worms or women are superior in every way
- Have sex, love sex, hate sex, only like certain positions in sex
- Want monogamy, polyamory, or to swing
- Be emotionless, unfeeling, or cold
Because being a Domme means I can fully and joyfully embrace who I really am, what I really enjoy, who and how I really love. No one gets to tell me that I’m not a Domme unless I do this or if I don’t do that.
Being a Domme means I can express love and affection if that’s what I feel. It means I can have what I want. For me, it means that I care about my sub and like to enjoy non-D/s time together, too. It means that being a Domme means different things to different women – and there should be only one SHOULD when it comes to how you make that role your own: your sub’s safety and well-being.
As a Domme, the single biggest responsibility and thrill is the absolute trust that a sub gives me when I bind him or take away his decisions. To fail in that trust would be a betrayal of my sub and of myself. That means that I research, I read, I try new ‘toys’ on myself first, I test, I train, and I make sure that I am worthy of the confidence I have in myself and in the trust my sub has in me.
Ultimately, I tell my subs that I want unconditional everything. Trust. Obedience. Vulnerability. Emotion. Certainly that takes time. But in return, I will give them my absolute focus and pleasure and joy and appreciation. I want that for me, and I want that for them.
That’s what being a Domme means – to me. What does it mean to you?
~TheFemdomDiary
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