Look…I know that pictures are exciting. But honestly, all the pictures and gifs in the world can’t sum up how important some of the small behaviors are in a bdsm relationship. When it comes right down to it, pegging and whipping are an infinitesimally small portion of the relationship. It’s the day-to-day stuff that matters, because if you’re living this relationship, it’s what takes it to the next level.
This stuff is the backbone of D/s.
Non-intrusive anticipation: When this is done well…it’s AMAZING. When my sub is so focused on my needs and wants that he/she can respectfully anticipate them, I am captivated. Example: I like my coffee with a certain sweetener. At an early morning breakfast stop, I noticed that when my sub picked up my coffee, he pulled a sweetener packet out of his back pocket as he added milk. He came to the table and handed me my coffee and muffin without comment. He didn’t draw attention to his efforts in any way. Later, when I asked, he said he’d noticed how much more I enjoyed my coffee with my favorite sweetener, so he’d begun carrying a few packets with him just in case. Beautiful.
If we’re meeting in public, a good sub arrives early to make our time together runs smoothly (obtaining a seat/table, getting tickets, etc). It’s the feeling of coming home to find that he’s put the coffee on for me. That he charged my laptop for me so it would be ready for work.
All of this shows me that he is thinking of me even when I am not there, planning ahead for my happiness. Fantastic.
Devotion: I love it when a sub shows me through posture, tone, attention and behavior that he is absolutely excited/gratified/happy to be serving me. I understand nervousness/being anxious to please (especially at 1st meeting or punishment), but it wears in the long term. I love it when it’s clear a sub isn’t going through the motions of submission, but is truly loving the experience. I can tell in a second when a sub who is kissing my feet is in the moment or just going through the motions. I have zero interest in the latter.
Pride: This might seem like it doesn’t belong, but for me, it’s essential. I expect my sub or slave to be proud of who and what he is. Proud that he serves me and has dedicated himself to my happiness. Proud that I chose him, that he has gained this place in my life, my trust, my affection. I want him to be filled to the brim with confidence in the absolute rightness of his choice to serve and submit. It makes all the difference in the relationship because it will shine through every task, every look, every behavior.
What elements of a D/s relationship do YOU think are essential?
This stuff is the backbone of D/s.
Non-intrusive anticipation: When this is done well…it’s AMAZING. When my sub is so focused on my needs and wants that he/she can respectfully anticipate them, I am captivated. Example: I like my coffee with a certain sweetener. At an early morning breakfast stop, I noticed that when my sub picked up my coffee, he pulled a sweetener packet out of his back pocket as he added milk. He came to the table and handed me my coffee and muffin without comment. He didn’t draw attention to his efforts in any way. Later, when I asked, he said he’d noticed how much more I enjoyed my coffee with my favorite sweetener, so he’d begun carrying a few packets with him just in case. Beautiful.
If we’re meeting in public, a good sub arrives early to make our time together runs smoothly (obtaining a seat/table, getting tickets, etc). It’s the feeling of coming home to find that he’s put the coffee on for me. That he charged my laptop for me so it would be ready for work.
All of this shows me that he is thinking of me even when I am not there, planning ahead for my happiness. Fantastic.
Devotion: I love it when a sub shows me through posture, tone, attention and behavior that he is absolutely excited/gratified/happy to be serving me. I understand nervousness/being anxious to please (especially at 1st meeting or punishment), but it wears in the long term. I love it when it’s clear a sub isn’t going through the motions of submission, but is truly loving the experience. I can tell in a second when a sub who is kissing my feet is in the moment or just going through the motions. I have zero interest in the latter.
Pride: This might seem like it doesn’t belong, but for me, it’s essential. I expect my sub or slave to be proud of who and what he is. Proud that he serves me and has dedicated himself to my happiness. Proud that I chose him, that he has gained this place in my life, my trust, my affection. I want him to be filled to the brim with confidence in the absolute rightness of his choice to serve and submit. It makes all the difference in the relationship because it will shine through every task, every look, every behavior.
What elements of a D/s relationship do YOU think are essential?
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