The Dominant Female.

Dominant females are a rare breed. They are not rare because it’s not natural, but because from birth, and for generations, women have been conditioned away from the dominant role.

For thousands of years women have been portrayed as the weaker sex, the fairer sex, the physically inferior gender. Yet we know that there is much more to being human, than simply how big our muscles are. Scientific evidence shows us that women have many advantages over men, in pretty much everything else.

Women have a higher pain tolerance, live longer, and have a stronger sense of smell. Women are better at multitasking, and are generally cleaner than men. IQ tests suggest that women are smarter than men and the gap is increasing.

Women are in touch with their bodies more than men allowing them to know themselves, and have greater intuition than men. Women are less aggressive and less violent, making them better leaders and better drivers. Even female immune systems are stronger and work more efficiently than males due to having two complete X chromosomes.

From a scientific standpoint, the female gender is superior to the male gender in almost all ways. Yet we have a lack of sexually dominant women in the world, because society has instilled the belief, that physical inferiority, makes women inferior to men. So scientific evidence, matters not, what matters is the mindset of a woman.

From birth on up through adulthood, women are constantly bombarded with how they ought to dress, look, talk, walk, and act. With terms such as, “ you throw like a girl,” being used to insult the entire female gender, and instill the mindset in males that anything female is weak.

If a male cries, and his male friends are nearby, you’ll often hear, “what a pussy,” being uttered in the background. As we grow up with these phrases in our culture, it makes males believe they’re superior, and females believe they’re inferior.

This results in women that don’t understand men, and men that don’t understand women, because naturally, they feel differently, but they’re afraid to express how they truly feel, because society doesn’t deem it as normal.

That is why so many submissive men hide in the closet, afraid to tell their wives they’re submissive. Women on the other hand, have no idea that they can be dominant, they have no idea, why they would even want to be, yet, they’re not satisfied with the men in their life, because they never do what she wants.

It usually takes some sort of a catalyst for a woman to open up to the idea, and it’s usually a process that must occur over a great period of time, perhaps many failed relationships, or raising a child and understanding how to put her foot down. Or running a business and discovering what it’s like to be the boss.

It can happen in any number of ways, but generally if it’s brought up suddenly, it goes against everything she’s been conditioned to believe, so when a male admits he’s submissive, she’ll dismiss it as weird and perverted immediately. This is how taboo’s are created in our society, and why so many people are afraid to tell others who they really are and what they’re into.

There are a few women who have dominant tendencies from when they’re young, and it doesn’t take them very long to understand how easy it is to control men and get what she wants, in fact many women often use that ability, not to attract men, but to get out of things like speeding tickets or favors from their male friends.

Many discover that they have an ability to manipulate men based on their attraction to them, to some degree. But this is often only temporary and doesn’t lead into a D/s relationship most of the time. It must go deeper than that, and that comes to the issue, that most women have, and that is self worth and sexual guilt.

Female desire is something that is not acknowledged very often, and most women grow up dating men that care only about their own sexual pleasure, leaving a woman unfulfilled, and women settle for this because they often don’t know it can be any other way.

They feel guilty to have their own desires and fantasies and so they never explore it, and sadly, it’s not uncommon for a woman to go her entire life without ever even having an orgasm at all.

Society is driven toward male desire, it’s in advertisements, its in movies, its in porn, and it pervades our culture on all levels. Female desire is something that is seen as naughty and is much more subtle in our culture.

You don’t see movies very often, where the female has an orgasm, but there’s hundreds of movies where the male does. So all of this conditioning has women believing that sex is mainly for his pleasure, and shame themselves for wanting anything else.

This tied in directly to their self worth. Because women are hit from other angles as well, about having the perfect body.

It’s a well known fact that most women constantly monitor how they look, and who is looking at them. It’s also well known that most women, hate their bodies or parts of their bodies throughout the day. They’re always striving to look better, and be more attractive, often giving them all sorts of unwanted attention, which we see all throughout our culture, often blaming women for rape, because of what she was wearing.

This hatred for their body is what makes women give their power away, not only to men, but to all the industries that profit from female self esteem. Beauty products, fashion trends, and on and on it goes, billion dollar industries profiting from making women hate themselves, in order to sell them a product with the promise of beauty they already possess.

When a woman finally wakes up to the fact that shes been lied to and conditioned away from being empowered, she stops playing the game. This not only transforms her life in the self worth department, but also in the relationship one.

When a woman values herself enough that she doesn’t require validation from other women, or men, she becomes immune to all those putting on an act. She is able to see through the facade, no male can catcall her or use one liners or be pigs in any way, because she is able to shut them down outright using self confidence. She has a sense of self worth that tells her, what she doesn’t want, and so she is comfortable with herself, being alone, so she will not settle for less, until she finds a male that suits her.

This is the birth of the alpha female. Some women discover this at a young age, others need a catalyst of some sort, but the amount of women that exist that are alpha female but don’t know it, are massive. In the same way the amount of submissive men that exist, are massive. Over recent decades, we have seen the rise of women, it has not been subtle.

More and more women are beginning to figure out the power that they possess, and they are beginning to take control of their relationships. All they need to do, is assert a little bit of authority, and watch as their male partner melts before her.

Even the simple demand of making him give her an orgasm before himself, is enough for a male to suddenly develop an entirely new respect for her, and it can be very erotic at the same time.

Most women love the idea of getting what they want, they love the idea of being pampered and massaged, and have candle lit dinners, and intimate times. The issue, is getting that from their male partner.

If a woman asserts a small amount of authority, she will discover that, she can assert even more authority over time. Not in a bitchy way, but in a loving way. This sparks within men a desire to please her, and suddenly she starts getting all those things she’s always wanted.

Many women, after they’ve opened up to the idea a little bit, are very turned on by the idea of male chastity. Which is, a device that locks his genitals up so that he cannot get an erection, and since she holds the key, she becomes his complete and total focus.

When his pleasure comes through her pleasure, the dynamics of a relationship change entirely. After a couple of days in chastity, a woman discovers something not only about men, but also about herself.

She discovers what it means to have her own desire, and how wonderful it is to have a male willing to fulfill that desire, and how much closer it brings them. After a woman discovers her dominant side, and lets go of sexual shame and guilt, she often wonders why she never discovered it sooner.

It changes her entire life, and her perspective of the world, and frees her in ways she can only imagine.

Submissive Men

I think it’s time someone cleared the air around what it means to be a submissive man. The public perception of a submissive man is not a good one. There is a huge taboo on it, and many misperceptions on what a submissive man actually is. This is really sad, because many women are missing out on some fantastic men, that just might meet them on all the levels they always wished a man could meet her on. But since he admits he’s submissive, he is often dismissed as a potential partner in her eyes, due to these misunderstandings.

First of all, the biggest misperception is that being submissive is weak. Now lets take a look at this from a few angles. Being submissive can simply mean, he likes to be led, and he likes to put others before himself. That he is less aggressive, but more compassionate and thoughtful and selfless. Now many women, like chivalry, and being courted. For chivalry to exist, men must put aside their own needs and put hers first, for “regular men” this usually comes with the ulterior motive to get into her pants. For a submissive man, this comes naturally and his desire to make her happy, and putting her first, makes him happy. So, does a man that wants to please, and wants to make her happy, does that make him weak? In what way? Now if you turn it around and look at a “regular man” who is courting and being chivalrous simply to get into her pants for his own selfish needs what do you see? I see a man that simply wants to use her, and once he’s “conquered” her, he will likely move onto the next woman that he deems worthy of chasing. Her happiness is often a non issue to him as long as he gets laid. This is what we see in night clubs and bars all over the world. This isn’t uncommon. We live in a world where we actually have to explain the definition of consent, lets not forget that.

So, how is a submissive man weak, compared to a “ regular man”? If you really have a good look, the “regular man” has no commitment, he has no burdens, no sacrifices, therefore, where is the strength? When you look at the submissive man, he has to put aside his own needs, that takes strength. He has a willingness to learn who she is, and what she needs, and strive to make her happy, that takes a lot of mental strength and self control. And, all of that, is before she is even interested in dominating him, he must show and prove his strength of character to her, long before she even considers the idea. So he must be strong on the emotional level as well as mental. Now physically, “regular men” and submissive men, is quite irrelevant. There are submissive men of all forms and “regular men” of all forms, so this isn’t about who is physically stronger. So that’s a non issue.

Physically however, submissive men, tend to be more diplomatic, and try to resolve problems without resorting to violence whenever possible. “Regular men” on the other hand, tend to be more aggressive, and lack empathy to greater degrees, and tend to resort to violence before proper communication. This is seen all the time in road rage and so on, and lets not even get into rape and all that…

Another misconception about submissive men, is that, they’re gay. This one is huge, and makes many submissive men hide in the closet afraid to express their submissive tendencies because of the strong taboo. Being submissive, and being gay, are extremely different things. That includes submissive’s that gravitate toward cross dressing. Submissive men, may be a little more gentle, and sometimes a little less masculine. At the same time, we do have a huge issue of toxic masculinity in the world. So submissive men kind of bring a bit of a balance to what it means to be masculine. Men are brought up into a world, that teaches them that showing emotions as a man is gay or weak. Submissive men, want to show their emotions, because they understand that suppressing these emotions isn’t healthy for anyone in their lives. Allowing emotion to flow freely through them, enables them to be vulnerable with the women in their lives, who are no strangers to vulnerability, with toxic masculinity always chasing her. When you take a good look at vulnerability in this way, you can begin to see it as a strength and not a weakness. A submissive man allowing himself to be vulnerable means he must open up in all the ways he fears the most.

In other words, he must face his deepest fears, and allow himself to be naked, emotionally with his partner. This is something many men, never, ever, experience. They’re not strong enough to let go that much. They’re too busy believing that being macho and unfeeling is somehow the only way to be strong in this world, and as a result we have a world at war, which is nothing more than a big dick contest. So submissive men, actually bring a balance to masculinity, that can meet the feminine on the levels most men never can. So instead of seeing submissive men as being gay, perhaps we can change the perception to having the balls to be emotional.

Even if a submissive is a cross dresser, or a sissy, it does not mean he is gay. It means, he wants to understand the feminine, that the raw power felt exploring what it means to be feminine, humbles him as a man. It actually helps him become a better man, because he is balancing his masculine and feminine sides within him, which will give him a stronger intuition, bring him more in touch with his body, and the natural world. It will make him feel more alive, more in tune, and give him heightened senses. So exploring the feminine side isn’t necessarily a bad thing for a man to do, and I would recommend that all men be open minded enough, and dare I say, strong enough to actually explore it a little. Now many men, especially if not submissive, reading this, would be offended by that. If you’re not comfortable enough to explore the feminine side, how can you call yourself a macho man? There’s a weakness there, inhibitions, fear of vulnerability. It has nothing to do with being gay, that’s the excuse that you come up with to rationalize your decision to never explore it. The ego in full force.

There is only one thing that makes anything gay, and there is nothing wrong with being gay either. But lets at least get our definitions straight. The only time anything is gay, is if it’s being done, or desired to be done, with the same gender. That’s it, nothing more. A girl can take a man up the ass with a strap on, and it’s not gay. It’s anal sex. It’s not gay sex. He can desire to be taken up the ass by his girlfriend, or even on his own, with a butt plug. Again, not gay. If he desires a man to be doing it, then yes, that’s gay. A man wearing panties is not gay either. A man being feminine isn’t gay. A man being with another man, masculine or feminine, that’s gay. I think you’re getting the point I’m making? I hope you are, because, the stigma is ridiculous, and the misperception needs to rectified. There are so many submissive men in this world that deserve a chance.

Submissive men must be so strong, to face the extreme levels of vulnerability to submit to a woman in a relationship, that strength and value is often not given credit. So much of what we see on the internet portrays submissive men as weak, and worthless, to be degraded and humiliated and treated like a dog. Now, the idea of the things above, in fantasy, can be a turn on, because it caters to a submissive’s desire to submit, no matter how hardcore. But in reality, it’s a very different picture. In reality it can be a whole lot more romantic and intimate, passionate and charming. A submissive can be cherished by a woman, and make a fantastic partner that can really meet her on all the right levels and satisfy her needs, not just sexually, but around the house, and in life in general. He wants to. He needs to. It’s a part of who he is, to make her happy is to make him happy. He’s a man with the ulterior motive of making her happy to make him happy. It’s a very different approach than simply getting laid and moving on to the next.

A relationship with one partner dedicated to making the other partner happy, is difficult to fail. It sets a foundation from the start and it has the ability to evolve, because communication is open. Trust is inherent. Where there’s trust, there’s always going to be passion and intimacy. Without trust, there are always insecurity issues, cheating issues, masturbation issues…. etc… With a submissive man, all of those issues are non existent. It helps her to fully relax knowing he’s there for her, without any doubt of his intentions. How many women and men, could benefit from this kind of relationship?

And that, is precisely why I wrote a book dedicated to introducing this kind of relationship in a gentle way that doesn’t scare people away with intense fetishes or erotica. A practical approach to a relationship that can set you both free in ways you can’t even imagine yet. The human body is designed to love, to feel, to be vulnerable, to let go of inhibitions and be accepted for who you really are, with another, down to the deepest level of your soul.

There are many aspects to being your Woman’s property

It goes beyond your body being hers to do whatever she wants, whenever she wants. It’s more than being available and eager to please her at any given moment. It means she can do anything she feels like, whenever she wants and you never say no because you are her property and she is superior.

If she wants a bite of your food, you smile and offer her as much as she wants.

If she wants a drink of your beer, you let her drink the whole thing and ask if she wants another.

If she wants to stick her finger or dildo in your ass while you’re cooking dinner, you spread your legs to give better access.

If she wants to fuck you after a long day at work, you get in whatever position she wants and serve her without hesitation.

If she demands you eat her pussy in the middle of doing something, you stop whatever you’re doing and get on your knees.

If she wants to punish you for no reason at all other than she needs to let out some frustration, you take it like a good boy and say thank you.

You are Hers. Her fucktoy. Her cock. Her slave. Her piece of meat. Hers to do whatever she wants simply because She can.

The Loneliness of a Single Submissive Man

Coping WIth the Lack of a Female Dominant Partner

While it hasn’t been that long since my submissiveness was awakened and I began to seek a relationship with a dominant woman, at times I find myself admitting that the possibility of me landing in a real life, day to day relationship with such a woman is actually rather bleak. I base this not only my own personal experiences to date but also on the reports I read in the blogs of other submissive men. Perhaps finding a confident, assertive, dominant woman interested in having a relationship with me is something of a pipe dream. As one of those men who came to understand and embrace my submissiveness in the middle age part of my life, with each passing month, I feel less optimistic about my chances.

There was the point for me when I decided that I was not going to get involved in another relationship with a vanilla woman who subscribed to patriarchal societies’ norm that it is the woman who is expected to fill the submissive role sexually and relationally. I have had two such relationships since my divorce and neither turned out to be meaningful or sustainable for me. Regardless of how open the women were to kink, the absence of an outlet for my submissive nature simply made both relationships untenable. Yet now I find myself in that all too familiar circumstance where I am craving intimacy and desiring sexual expression beyond what I can provide myself in ex parte. Fortunately for men, we can experience through masturbation a degree of sexual gratification quite comparable to that we receive from copulation. Yet after a period of time of going solo, a man begins as I have to crave intimacy with a woman.

These feelings have made me start to seriously contemplate something I have never really seriously considered before. I have never experienced much of a problem with finding vanilla women to date and become involved with. Actually I already am acquainted with two such women at this very moment who have made no secret of their willingness to explore a possible romantic relationship with me. For whatever reason I have always seem to get on well with the female gender and women seem to like me and enjoy my company. And of course, there is so much about women that I find agreeable and interesting. What I have started to give consideration to is finding a vanilla woman to get involved with in the context of a traditional relationship so that I can experience the intimacy I crave and then address my need for a submissive outlet by finding a professional dominatrix. Conceptually I do understand that professional dominatrices are not prostitutes. Yet realistically I know I have always considered paying for the services of one to be on the same level of paying for sex. Perhaps this is something I need a new perspective on. On the one hand, I know I can’t find true contentment without an outlet for submissive expression while on the other hand I miss intimate involvement with a woman within the context of a committed relationship. Perhaps, at least for me there is simply no alternative to seeking what I need from more than a single source so to speak. Unlike a man who was fortunate enough to come to terms with and embrace his submissiveness in say his mid-twenties, I am not free to pick up and move to a location where there are women more D/s friendly and aware. To do so would require sacrifices that I am unwilling and actually unable to make at my age. Besides that based on the experiences of another submissive guy whose blog I read regularly who has done that, it hasn’t appeared that he has experienced much success as a result and he is a good number of years younger than I.

I do understand of course that seeking to have my cake and eat it too so to speak is not without obstacles. Finding a professional would I think be comparatively simple and I am at a place in my life where that would be easily affordable. But in the interest of the kind of honesty required for a committed relationship, this would not be an aspect of my life that I could in good conscience hide from the vanilla woman I might seek out for an intimate relationship partner. I do feel it would require an incredibly secure and open woman to accept me seeing a professional dominatrix on a regular basis while simultaneously being involved with her. Part of the problem is of course that vanilla people simply don’t have an accurate perspective of D/s. To them it seems purely sexual and they cannot understand that while the sexual is involved to a degree, it isn’t really about sex it’s about the need to submit. She may understand sexual submission from a lifetime of filling the traditional role of the passive sexual partner in the bedroom expected of women in our society. Yet I know that would do little towards helping her to understand submission as I speak of it. Still there is a possibility that I might find a woman willing to accept this arrangement and perhaps that is a much more realistic possibility than me finding a dominant woman with whom to have a female led relationship.

The part of this idea that bothers me the most I suppose is the fact that in no small way, I will still be engaging in a bit of deception and dishonesty. I can perform in the role of the “typical” male as society defines that gender role, and on the basis of past experience, I can successfully fill the role of a sexual top. Yet in my heart of hearts I know that masquerading as a typical dominant male is not at all something I find meaningful or fulfilling and so by doing what I propose I will simply be indulging in a role play to get my needs for intimacy met. The question that remains is whether or not I will be able to rationalize that over the long-term.

(From an abandoned blog written by a guy named Joe.)

What I Get Out Of Locking A Man In A Chastity Cage

Why is male chastity such an appealing and erotic fetish for me, as a woman, as a Mistress? After all, I’m not the one who has a penis (well, not one attached to my body anyway) so what would a woman get from holding the keys to a man’s locked chastity cage?

First of all, I don’t just accept any keys that are thrown my way. I do bother to throw them back, if that’s any reassurance. I need to feel a particular pull to hold someone’s chastity keys. I don’t get off on just holding the keys to any chastity cage or for anyone. There has to be something about the person in chastity that draws me, as a Mistress to them, as a compatible submissive.

Once that first part is negotiated, I really enjoy the feeling of full control over a consenting submissive in this way. Through a locked chastity cage to which I hold the keys. The fact that I hold the only keys to a device which is preventing a man from having an erection, having sex or masturbating is incredibly alluring and arousing.

When I have a submissive locked in a chastity cage they become very attentive towards me and my happiness is of utmost importance to them. This means that I get lots of attention and compliments and yeah, I’ll be honest, it flatters my ego as a woman.

Many men feel like the very core of their masculinity comes from their genitalia, having a penis and balls and being able to use them to perform in a sexual manner. Having this ability restricted or taken away makes them question their masculinity. This is a really potent blend of taboo, fear and worry and that’s when the playful element of this part of BDSM really kicks in. I enjoy toying with their confidence issues and security issues while at the same time safe in the knowledge that this is fully consensual. I enjoy it when the submissive learns more about their masculinity, personality and character, revealing strengths, weaknesses or simply facets that they hadn’t previously known about.

There is of course a sadistic element to my enjoyment of male chastity play. One of the physical elements of male chastity is the fact that when the man tries to have an erection this will cause some amount of pain. His penis and testicles are restrained by the chastity cage or device that he is in and this prevents full erection and ejaculation in the usual manner.

Before I lock a submissive into a chastity cage (or more commonly they lock themselves into a chastity device and send me the keys through the post) there is a necessary discussion about traffic lights and safe words. This means that we both recognise that there will be moments where they question whether they still want to be locked in chastity or whether they want the keys to be returned to them. However despite those moments I know that I can go full whack teasing them and denying them as long as I do not hear the word ‘red’ or our agreed safeword.

On that note, I believe it is of the utmost importance to the chastity play relationship between a submissive, locked up male and I that I can (as the one in the Dominant role and as the Mistress) feel like I can go full whack with teasing and denying. To me it’s like sex sometimes, when you want your partner to be aggressive and to show ‘little to no mercy’ but annoyingly they keep stopping to look at you with love and compassion –rolls eyes- and asking whether you’re ok. Are you sure you’re ok. Yeah, but really. Did that hurt too much darling? Sorry. Should I stop? From their point of view they are just being loving and caring, but from your point of view you just want them to go at it full pelt. You’ll let them know if it’s too much or to stop. That’s what safewords are for.

That is very similar to the male chastity play I enjoy. If I have to stop and question whether they are ok all the time, without having a safe word or traffic lights in place, it would ruin the effect that I am in complete control of their sexual activity, penis and erections. They would be deprived of feeling the full benefit of the power play dynamic.

Something that commonly happens with my subs when they are locked in chastity for a time longer than they are used to is that defences are penetrated and broken. This tends to happen whether he is used to only denying himself orgasms without being locked, or whether he’s been locked for only 2 hours before and this time it’s a week, or any other difference in time or style of chastity. At the start I find that they have built up defences, they are relying upon long held fantasies about chastity play and having the keys held by Mistress in order to make it easier to deal with the fact that they can’t have an erection, masturbate or have sex for that set amount of time.

For me, once this first stage is over it gets even more interesting and enjoyable. I find that we move into a more realistic stage where the defences are being broken down gradually and some resentment may even appear. The resentment towards the holder of the keys is in stark contrast with the internal desire to have their sex drive and activity controlled, as well as teased and actively denied by the one in the Dominant role. At this point the internal struggle in locked submissives is blatantly obvious to me as an experienced Mistress, and how they handle this part is fascinating to watch and be a part of. At times it feels like they are almost on the cusp of safing, then instead beg for release which is of course allowing the tease and denial to continue should I so choose. Once they are eventually released it doesn’t take long for the desperation to be locked up, controlled and denied to be felt again. In fact many chastity submissives have admitted that being released and having the physical release of an ejaculatory orgasm is an ironic anti-climax and an unenjoyable part of their sex life and/or kink.

What I Get Out Of Locking A Man In A Chastity CageSpeaking of night times, this is another hurdle that those interested in being locked in chastity will need to discover and survive. Men are prone (excuse the pun) to night time erections and morning erections. It takes dedicated training to be able to go to sleep and wake up while locked in a chastity cage. The submissives I have locked in chastity over distance, or even in person, over long periods of time have found it incredibly difficult to get used to sleeping in a chastity cage. It can cause several sleepless nights. The sleepless nights, coupled with teasing and denial from myself, lead to an inevitable further breaking down of the male’s defences.

I find that the locked male becomes more suggestible and malleable as my submissive during and after this time and open to doing whatever it is and whatever tasks I set him to do. Remember that this is all consensual power exchange play and if I feel like the submissive is not acting in a responsible manner towards themselves at any time, if they are in any danger or could cause themselves severe and lasting damage then I myself would stop the situation from going any further.

The submissives and slaves I lock in a chastity cage are not people I am in a romantic or sexual relationship with. I am not romantically attracted to male submissives. There is an attraction there – but only as a Mistress to consenting males who want to be owned and controlled. It’s part of my nature to sense or attempt to sense if a male is submissive, and if they respond to that then I can’t help but move to the next stage of seeing if we are compatible on a creativity and intelligence level. If our expectations of the Femdom dynamic are a match and they show a sincere desire to serve and please me, then I will take things forward step by step. Male chastity isn’t what I would call non-negotiable in my D/s power exchange play, but it’s one of the most enjoyable ways to highlight it, for me.

Hopefully you will have read about my new acquisition recently, slave k who has just been renamed penny. He has been locked in chastity for three weeks now and had only previously experienced being locked in a chastity cage for a few hours. Secretly I am very proud of him (no one tell him) and he is doing very well. I haven’t let him know when I plan to return the keys to him and release him, but we both know that it’s more exciting for him this way. He doesn’t have an end date in sight so for all intents and purposes it could be indefinitely. I have found that that’s the most frightening yet arousing prospect to a male submissive with a weakness for chastity.

I asked penny for his thoughts (haha) on what he thinks I get out of male chastity from his point of view. You’ve already read (and I hear daily) how he feels about being locked in chastity, but I thought it would make an interesting addition to this article to hear what a slave locked in a chastity device thinks a Mistress gets out of the situation.

“I’m writing this at a time when I’ve been locked in a very effective chastity device for around 3 weeks.

Despite having been submissive for the whole of my adult life, I would still have difficulty in explaining what it was about being submissive that aroused me. With that in mind it would be even harder for me to explain why I would willingly lock myself in such a device and send the keys to a dominant female and thereby hand over a significant part of my freedom to her.

I’m not saying that I could not make a good attempt at explaining the motivation of a submissive under these circumstances however that is not the objective of this article. I’m actually being asked to explain what I believe a female gets out of having a male in a chastity cage.

The objectives of a female who puts her husband, lover or sexual partner in chastity are comparatively easy to comprehend. Securing fidelity, preventing masturbation and with that assuring that his sexual capacity is reserved for her and, similarly, by imposing denial ensuring sex as and when she wants it, are all fairly understandable driving forces. That is not to say that such a female would also not derive the presumed pleasures outlined below where there is no conventional sexual relationship between the parties.

Where there is no physical sexual relationship between the parties, purely a femdom relationship, the benefits to the female are not so obvious.

We of course have to start from the premise that the female in such relationships enjoys power and being in charge.

The enjoyment of power may merely be the conventional benefits derived from the ownership of slaves throughout history. The avoidance of mundane or less pleasurable chores or tasks is an obvious example.

Where the femdom relationship involves an element of sadomasochism which is often the case in varying degrees, having power over the male gives the female the ability to usher her subject into a position where he must endure her physical punishment.

Sadomasochism does itself involve physical acts which we assume creates sexual arousal in both parties. Where a female gets enjoyment from humiliation, degrading the male, making them cry, (dacryphilia) these are effectively different forms of sadism.

Fortunately I’m not being asked to explain what pleasure a female gets from such triggers or perhaps more difficultly why they derive pleasure. We can accept that they do get aroused from such situations. The real question at this time is what I, as a male, believe a female gets from holding the keys to a chastity cage.

The word fantasy is often used to describe sexual deviations such as femdom. The power dynamic is played out between two consenting parties. The only hold the female has over the male is his attraction to her which enlightens his desire to submit to her. The reality is that at any moment the male can extrapolate himself from that power dynamic. A task or humiliation which the male decides is too far can bring an end to her power over him. In addition, the male’s sexuality means that following sexual release his inclination to be submissive may wane, if only temporarily.

To this extent the female’s power is fragile and in reality, more fantasy than reality. Of course some may argue that if the female cannot hold the male’s obedience then she does not possess the ability to arouse and subdue him.

The male’s consent to being locked in a chastity cage gives the dynamic more certainty. By doing so, the male also acknowledges his absolute desire to hand power over to her. He is effectively putting her on a pedestal, virtually acknowledging that he may be weak and give her the omnipotent power that she, as a very special woman deserves. The female can exert power with impunity. She can humiliate, degrade and mould the male as she sees fit.

Furthermore, where the male may find escape from the whole femdom dynamic through ejaculation its denial increases his arousal and enhances his capacity to submit to new heights.

The sadistic needs of the dominant female, whether physical or emotional, are given more certainty and enables the female to explore the dynamic and her delectation of it to greater depths with impunity and certainty.

The initial action of the submissive in handing her the keys confirms the hold she has over him and his feelings about her which may enhance her sense of self worth.

It has to be emphasised that these are pleasures that I, as a male in a chastity cage, believe the female obtains from the process. Consequently they will invariably involve a degree of “wishful thinking” and in any case are very likely to be far from close to the reality.”

Male Chastity: A Wife’s Perspective

Male chastity and strict orgasm control became an important part of my hubby’s experience last summer.

Before you decide to lock up your hubby’s penis, you need to ask yourself the following questions. Are you unhappy with how much attention he now pays to you? Do you think that at least part of the problem is that he is paying too much attention to pornography or other women? Has he admitted to you that he masturbates too much? Would you be willing to give up intercourse with him, at least in the short term, if you got a lot more attention from him, including a lot more oral sex? Are you willing to take control and put in the effort to make your relationship work in a new and exciting way? If yes, you should consider chastity for your husband.

To put this in pop psychology terms, Mars and Venus were attracted to each other, romanced each other and fell in love. Mars and Venus got married. Mars eventually retreated into his cave as men are apt to do and while there found it convenient to masturbate rather than be with Venus. All too rarely does he emerge to pay any attention to Venus. Venus thought that with marriage Mars was hers and that life would be a forever version of their fairytale courtship days. She ignored the advice of wise mothers to daughters for generations that if you want to keep your man you have to keep making him want you because it sounded sexist and not needed in the modern world. What is a wise Venus to do if she wants a happy lifelong marriage? She has to stop passively letting her marriage pass her by. The first step is that Venus needs to take control by keeping Mars from masturbating in the cave by locking him in a chastity device. The second step is for Venus to enthusiastically embrace her biological and psychological role in keeping Mars turned on. The third step is for Venus to get Mars’ problem solving nature focused on how he can please her and for her to stop thinking the answer is to their happiness is to figure out what she can do please him.

To make chastity work you need to first develop a plan and then whole heartedly put it into action. I read a lot and communicated with many others and the strong consensus was that chastity to change your marriage has to be real and not a game. It has to be a 24/7 part of your relationship. 24/7 is the foundation; it is what changes men for the positive because they shouldn’t have the opportunity to control their sexual release. This is one of the areas that the goddess, lady, mistress, keyholder or whatever you prefer to be known as must have absolute control of. Although the woman remains in control it is very important to remember that you and he are still a couple in a relationship, he is still your husband and that shouldn’t be forgotten, your relationship only changes once you close the bedroom door. Life goes on as it always has, employment, financial, family issues and decisions are all still there. Your dominance should not interfere in other areas though you will find he will react differently, often positively, as his feelings and emotions change.

Whether this is something that he initiated, the two of you mutually agreed upon or something that you decided to impliment, one thing is a necessity: there needs to be something for him to gain. He is giving up something that is a very important part of a male’s life, his sexual abilities — and for that you need to realize that he should be rewarded as you will be, but obviously in a much different way. You know the things that he likes, that arouse him and put a smile on his face. Often times we find that these are things that really do not interest us but considering the sacrifice that he is making you too can make sacrifices. Like marriage, chastity needs mutual rewards and often you will find those things that you reward him with will lead to an increase in his being aroused and enhancing his over all demeanor. It could be giving massages or trying sexual things that he likes but you never desired to try. You know how to dress to turn him on and you need to find out his fetishes if you don’t know them already and indulge them. All of this will heighten his happiness and arousal. He is making a permanent change in his lifestyle and you too may need to make some permanent adjustments so that he feels things are fair.

All men, given the ability, masturbate and way more often than most women think they do. This is something that is difficult for him to control and even more difficult to part with. Young men have an abundance of testosterone so masturbation doesn’t seem to interfere with their pursuit of young women. However, as men grow older masturbating usually translates into the husband ignoring his wife for at least a couple days. Chastity puts a stop to the masturbation and works in many ways; it changes his mood, demeanor and libido. Most importantly it changes his desire to please you. It is not the goal for him to do the cooking or the cleaning or the laundry but you will find that it will happen, not routinely but it will happen because as he continues to build up his sexual energy that he no longer has the ability to release as he pleases he will divert that energy towards pleasing you. Your being the source of his sexual pleasure will change his feelings, he will adore you, love you in a way that you desire and he will be eager to please you because you are, as I said, the source of his release. He will find, over time, he is happier and that will be because you’re happier. He will love the emotional boost the two of you share.

How to do it, that is an extremely important decision. Developing the correct plan, one that would work for my husband, was the most detailed part of the research process. By taking the advice of many other women, I was able to put a well informed plan together that I was confident that would be successful. I followed this plan from day one and still, do to this day. I have found it works. At least a dozen other ladies have also utilized variations on this plan successfully. We must always remember that sexually we are always in command and that first and foremost we will always be sexually satisfied. This is the cornerstone to happiness for both you and him. Keeping you sexually satisfied is your husband’s job. My hubby does so anywhere and anytime I say and by any means that I demand. His not being able to experience the pleasure of an orgasm only means that I experience many more than ever before.

You may think that this works only to your advantage and that is a common misconception. It is just as advantageous for him. He must keep you satisfied to eventually get his release and every time he satisfies you he is happy because he has made you happy. It is important to instill to him that his primary means of sexual gratification will be through yours. Eventually every time you experience an orgasm he will have a sense of sexual satisfaction. How you will accomplish this I will explain in a moment. What could be better, your being pleasured any way you like and experiencing wonderful sensations. He can not have an orgasm but he feels satisfied because you are and he will maintain a high libido. Although you’re still equals outside of the home you are the queen of the bedroom and he is your slave.

To enforce that you do have a certain amount of control it is important that he is forced to do and maintain a change in his appearance, something between you and he. This must be something that would be embarrassing for him when out in the general public so it should be concealed. Generally something under his clothes; replacing his underwear with panties is a popular example. Some of the women think that a man’s feet are best, easily covered or uncovered based on your orders and modifications could be removed when you feel it is necessary and reapplied when the time is suitable. In my case, my hubby wears a gold ankle bracelet and must paint his nails with red polish except for occasions that I instruct him to do something different.

Achieving your desired results is easier than you might think. It is an empowering experience. Depending on your situation there will be differences but there are parameters that should be followed to achieve the greatest results. The most important step is always the first one. This is where he is made to understand that you control his sexual pleasure from this point forward. Most of the women I have talked with agree that it is best to lay out the terms of your new relationship with him in the strongest possible terms. Most favor a written contract, which I followed, so there is no room for confusion. My terms and the consensus advice from those women I talked with are that he agrees to having his penis pierced and permanently locked in a chastity device of your choosing, that you alone have the power to grant him an orgasm and that you may decide never to allow him to have another one, that he agrees perform all services, domestic and sexual, that you request, that he agrees to being disciplined in any way you deem appropriate, and that because he is locked in a chastity device that you may need to find other people to meet some of your sexual needs. Anything less than this and he has either not admitted that there is a problem, that the solution has to be permanent and completely effective, or that he has to give up total control of his sexuality and yours to you.

It is almost universally held by women who seriously practice chastity for their male that initial enforcement of chastity should be at least three months of continuous wear without relief after you go through the break in period of getting a device that fits. Preventing him from having an orgasm for three month period may seem a bit harsh but it is paramount to your success as it allows his body and mind to adjust to the lack of masturbation and sexual pleasure as desired. Enforcing the first three month period will allow him to get in to the proper frame of mind and make him understand your desire and your commitment and your determination to his being chaste; it will also give you the chance to develop the strength to say “no”. He should be made aware of the time frame immediately upon his being secured in his device, this allows for a clear understanding of the initial commitment of time.

If he is at all uncooperative during this first three months, you should add additional time to his lock up. I gave my husband a two week extension as a warning about whining about getting out and a one month extension the second time he more bluntly told me he needed out. After that there were no more incidents but I was seriously considering three months for the next offense.

I tend to agree that with the more experienced women that I talked with that you cannot be too strict with respect to the initial lockup period if you want to achieve the triple goals of getting yourself past feeling that it is your duty to give him orgasms, getting him focused on his new role of pleasing you, and your becoming comfortable with being in charge. If you haven’t achieved these goals then lengthen the time. In retrospect, I think that I came down hard on my hubby and added the extra month because I felt myself falling into the trap of feeling that I had to let him have an orgasm since I saw him so frustrated by the chastity device. I am glad that I did. When I finally let him out it was on my terms.

After three months of being locked up your hubby would be willing to do almost anything for a release so in that sense the chastity device will have done its job physically but mentally some men can hold out for three months and bounce back to their old ways once you let them cum and they expect future orgasms on a regular basis. In determining the length of the initial period, you need to consider this.

A chastity lifestyle will be very hard on him initially and three months without release will make your seriousness very clear to him. You will have put an end to his days of masturbating behind your back. His life will never be the same after. Rather than pleasuring himself when he wants, he will become dedicated to pleasuring you when you want it and how you want it.

You will need to be strong and keep up your end of the bargain. When you can do this it will have change the dynamic of your relationship in a way that set you and him on the path to long term happiness.

Upon completing his initial confinement period I assure you that you can give him an experience like he has never had before, this is a reward for the couple. You will have a sense of strength for enforcing it and him for getting thru it. You should make his orgasm a slow drawn out one with lots of teasing. It will be all too easy for him to cum very quickly. You may need to tie him down to keep him on edge but when you finally do let him cum it will be almost too much for his body to handle.

Once you allow him his first release it is entirely up to you how many sexual experiences you allow, how they occur and how the ejaculate is disposed. A very important step during any release period is to ensure that you will get him right back into his device. Some of the women do this by always tying him down before the device is removed. While this has its old school charms, there are lots of other options. Locking his hands behind his back in a pair of steel handcuffs is a quick way to keep him from grabbing his penis if you are teasing him. I also have a waist belt with a pair of leather cuffs attached which is easy and fun to use. You can get something similar for cuffing his hands to his thighs. A wonderful device called a humbler works well if you want him to have use of his hands to pleasure you. If all you are doing is inspecting penis and making sure the device is cleaned then I just put the handcuffs on one of his wrists or ankles prior to removing his device. Before the cuff comes off he has to be secured back in his chastity tube. I am confident that he would not be willing to go to work with the dangling cuff. Several of the other women have tried this trick and found it works well. The less that you have to worry about his arguing that the device doesn’t have to immediately go back on the more likely you are to take it off frequently which promotes both teasing and keeping the tube and his penis clean.

There were a number of different views about how often a male should be allowed to cum after the initial denial period. Some of the women with younger males let theirs have an orgasm about once a week. I suspect that they were masturbating a couple times a day before this so that once a week is a big reduction. Most of the women I talked to though thought that it was best to strike a balance between keeping them completely denied and giving them some hope of gaining a release. You will need to experiment and ultimately you will need to do what works best for you, recognizing that the less often for him the better.

The most common belief was that it was not good to allow their male to achieve an orgasm more than once per month but most thought that his orgasm should not very often be withheld for more than three months unless there was a good reason for doing so. Some women liked to think about how often hubby could have an orgasm as a small fraction of the number of orgasms they had. A 50-1 ratio seems to be very popular but you can pick the number to suit your needs and gets the time between releases just about right. This approach gives him a strong incentive to initiate sex and give you orgasms.
Some women like to set goals for their hubbys where they are allowed an orgasm earlier than scheduled if they meet a big goal. Males who had cheated with other women rather than by being chronic masturbators deserve harsher treatment.

The most common question women new to chastity ask is what type of device to put him in. The consensus advice, which now unfortunately now with too much experience I have to concur, is to prepare yourself for some frustrating trial and error to find the right device and the right fit. There is no right device for all males. It is a bit like finding the perfect pair of shoes. The chastity device needs to be custom fit. It has to be comfortable if he is going to wear it 24/7 and it has to be completely secure and effective if you are going to be happy with the results.

There are two basic types of devices, chastity tubes and chastity belts. The chastity tubes usually have the tube attached to a ring that goes over his cock and behind his balls. The belts go around the waist. They also have a tube which is attached to the front shield part that forces the penis straight downward. With a narrow tube, a good belt is very effective at preventing erections. Some of belts come with attachment points so you can hook a dildo to the front shield for you to use or to insert a dildo into his anus. The main drawback with the chastity belts is that they are expensive, bulky and much less comfortable than the tube devices for many men to wear. They also need to be sent back for waist adjustments if his waist size goes up and down.

Most women use tube type devices but there are some women with custom made belts that love them.
I recommend that you use the tube type, and get at least two of them for him, a hard plastic one and a metal one.

It was not easy though getting a belt or a tube to fit right. Many of the women have had to go through several devices or alternations to finally get the right one. A few got lucky the first time but don’t count on it. The best advice here is to be patient and let your hubby put in most of the effort into getting a device that fits right. He is the one who has to wear it all the time. Have trial lock ups until he is ready to be locked down permanently. Don’t be surprised even then if you have to stop a week or two into the lock up to get something fixed or let the piercing tough up some more. If there is a problem take off the device and see if it can be quickly fixed. Sometimes there is just a spot that has been rubbed raw and needs some ointment or the device left off for a couple of days.. If you have to send the device back to be altered, start the clock over when it comes back and you lock him up again. Eventually, the device kinks will get work out. I just wish I had been aware of this when because there were some discouraging times until my hubby was able to wear the device without problems for over a month. I slowly came to terms with being able to permanently lock him up and the satisfaction of knowing that his days of masturbating behind my back were finally over.

It’s also important that you get a chastity device with the smallest tube possible for his penis so that he cannot get an erection in the device. A small tube quickly limits the growth of his penis and is actually more comfortable for him to wear. Often the original tube ordered turned out to be too wide or too long because of the male’s optimistic measurements or fear of being too confined. After a while in a chastity tube, the penis has a tendency to shrink a bit which makes the getting the right sizing initially difficult. Males who are what is known as growers, their penis get much larger when excited, are much harder to fit than those who are showers, those whose penis gets hard but not much larger. You want him completely dependent on you for getting an erection and as I mentioned, a smaller tube will actually be more comfortable after he has adjusted to it. A loose tube can also allow enough growth from an erection that with sliding the tube up and down or using a vibrator on it some males can successfully masturbate.

The last thing is that the device needs to prevent him from rubbing his penis particularly the head. Many males if they can rub the head can cum although it is a pretty frustrating orgasm almost akin to milking and hence not much to worry about except that you want him completely under your control. Chastity belts work best on this account since they completely deny access to the penis.

From time to time you might find it necessary to punish him for whatever reason, he might refuse to provide you with sexual pleasure as instructed or he spoke to you in a negative and degrading way; there are certainly many possible infractions. The most effective punishment is to increase his time of confinement; this should always be done in at least a week increment but you will probably find that additions of two weeks or a month will be more effective unless you like having him continually testing you which I don’t.

As an example let’s say he was tired or in a bad mood and failed to enthusiastically provide oral sex to you one evening. If this happens it is imperative that you do what he would not. Masturbate yourself to as many orgasms as you like, he may then attempt to provide for you but you must not allow him to. After you have satisfied yourself let him know that his refusal requires that he be punished and that you have decided that an additional month will be added to the time that is already required. If he gives you any argument, add two or three months to his lock up time. You could also be creative by locking him up for one month for every time you orgasm and really go to town.

Different from failing to do something is a sort of agitation that many males including mine sometimes get when they are in chastity as a result of their sexual frustration. Most of the time this finds a positive outlet in terms of showering you with attention, but sometimes your hubby will just need to be toned down. Good old fashion discipline in the form of corporal punishment is what many of us have found works well.

Almost all the women I have talked with know their husbands are submissive to them but they are not wimps. In other parts of their life they tend to be dominant A-personalities types who exert lots of authority and are often high strung. Many have masochist tendencies as well. You can beat them yourself or it is easy to find a professional dominatrix who will do it for you. If you decided on the latter option, pro-doms are easy to find in most major cities and advertise openly on the internet. Look for a no-nonsense disciplinarian type rather than a sensuous or man hating type. The disciplinarian types almost all believe that married men should be locked up in chastity devices and know that if they deliver a well whipped hubby back to you that they will have a long term client. This has become an increasing part of their business as the number of chastity devices sold increases since some wives no longer fear that the dominatrix would have sex with their husband if he is sent to be disciplined locked up. This is probably the last thing you need to worry about though since the last thing a pro-dom wants to do is have sex with a client.

If you think you might be tempted to let your hubby out early, have the pro-dom hold the keys until the anniversary of his lockup and tell her to talk you out of earlier relief when you have those thoughts. You can always pick up the key from her for a scheduled teasing or inspection. You can also send him to the pro-dom to have his tube and penis inspected if he complains that he is having problems with his tube. Having her administer severe punishment if the request is not justified should nip this type of behavior in the bud before it gets started. You can also have a girlfriend you trust hold the keys. If you think a little humiliation would do him some good, send him over to clean her house and let her increase his lockup time for less than perfect work. He will never get out.

I use to think that disciplining my hubby was a chore. Now when I beat him long and hard, though, he sometimes just melts under my cane and breaks down and cries. Afterward, I hold him tight in my arms for a long time and then have him go down on me. The feeling I get is hard to describe. It is almost magical. I now feel sorry that most wives will never experience moments of this intense closeness with their husband.

There are times when my hubby does something that really makes me mad. When he does I send him to a great pro-dom I know. She usually starts with milking him, because when this happens he always gets at least a month added to his lock up. She really works him over and he is always on his best behavior for quite a while after he comes back. I recommend this strategy for any woman who wants to separate out the loving discipline that their husband occasionally needs from them and the serious punishment he sometimes richly deserves, which can be contracted out to a merciless third party.

Prostate milking is a necessity if your male is locked up for over a month otherwise his prostate can get clogged up and his chance of getting prostate cancer increased. Milking causes a release of semen clearing out the prostrate but provides none of the satisfaction of an orgasm. A male is usually even more frustrated after a milking than before because he has been stimulated similar to an orgasm but not allowed to have it. Milking also helps to prevent nocturnal or spontaneous orgasms which can happen if he is locked up long enough without being milked or allowed to cum. You can look at prostate milking as a necessary procedure, a form of punishment or just fun. There are a number of ways to do it and milking is psychological more effective if done with the chastity device on. Some of the women use a rubber glove or anal probe specially designed for the purpose. This works but is slow and tedious.

Using a strap-on and taking your man anally also works well if you go at it long enough and figure how to stimulate his prostrate. This is a favorite of many of the women I have talked with. They find it most amusing to orgasm themselves while forcing the semen to drool out of hubby’s chastity device with each in and out thrust. I give it a go every so often particularly when I want some penetration with a great arched doubled sided feeldoe dildo that some clever woman designed.

You can also use an electrical stimulation device. This is usually a quick and almost clinical procedure if done right. It is what I typically do since I usually like to think of milking as something that should be done for medical reasons without even a hint of sexual enjoyment for him. I have a PES unit which requires two attachments to complete the circuit. One of attachments is an anal probe that slides right in with some lube and hits the prostate. The other is a strap that goes around his balls. I put him in a humbler on his hands and knees. Then, I turn up the dials to the right frequency, which I had to experiment with some to find, and the semen just steadily drips out.

A pro-dom is also usually happy to milk hubby if you don’t want to and corporal punishment administered after a milking is more effective. Prostate milking is a wonderful thing to do and it is hard to over do. The semen drooling out will reduce the male’s testosterone level though so he will be more mellow and docile after the milking. If you think that he is getting testy just put him on the milking stand and pump it out. Many men do not enjoy being penetrated rectally and they all really despise seeing their ejaculate expelled dripped out slowly without any sense of pleasure or release. Milking is a great way of reinforcing your complete control over his sexuality.

There may be times where you feel you have to unlock him to use his penis. Fortunately, there is a way to do this without letting him orgasm by using numbing creme and a several condoms. This usually works but there is always a small risk that he will cum especially if he has been locked for a long time. There are other alternatives that allow penetration without this risk.

The easiest is to use is a strap-on dildo. There are two models, the feeldoe and nexus that were designed by women that will give you great stimulation while allowing you to taken him anally. There are also a number double sided penis gags that you can use to ride his face and there is even a dildo you can strap around his thigh.

Every so often I and many of the women I have talked with want the real thing. To make these rare opportunities for him to have intercourse with you work for both of you, you need to recognize that after being locked up for a long time he will cum with a hair trigger. He is also unlikely to get as large as he did before chastity unless you take him out of the tube and get him hard on a frequent basis. Long term chastity will have the effect of reducing the size of his erect penis.

You can avoid disappointment if you stimulate him to orgasm in some way other than intercourse when you first let him out of the tube. After he cums give him a Viagra and wait an hour or so before you use him for up. It is good for about three hours or you can give him a Cialis if you want to do an all day thing. Once he has cum the first time and recovered by the time the erection drug takes effect, he will not orgasm nearly as easily and either of the two drugs will get and keep him really hard even if he has another orgasm. Some of the women use their hubbies for intercourse for several days in a row treating the whole event as a single release period before they lock him back up for a prolonged duration.
The big changes that you must make in yourself to make a chastity relationship work is to commit to frequently teasing him, like you no doubt did when you first dated, and to having much more frequent sex yourself. The two can be one and the same thing.

Having him perform cunnalingus on you while locked up is almost guaranteed to drive to the edge. Fortunately, for you the chastity device will keep him from going over. Just think the more sex you get without letting him cum the more he wants you. If more women knew this secret there would be a lot more locked up husbands and boyfriends. Remember you have all the time in the world to train him to do the way you want without any need to worry about getting him off. Once locked all he does is fantasize about you. You will need to decide if you want to be the one that initiates sex or whether you want him to.

My usual rule with my hubby is that I will tell him when and how I want to be pleasured and he is expected to drop everything when this happens. This is clearly a control issue for me but your tastes may differ. One of my friends likes to have her husband instigate elaborate romantic seduction rituals. She never unlocks him during these events but on the rare occasion when he really out does himself, she gives him an orgasm the next day. The bliss point is when you get your hubby to the place he gets pleasure purely from your pleasure without thinking about his cock. My hubby is not quite there yet but he is getting there.

There are almost an infinite number of ways that you can tease him. There is the classic tie him down to the bed, take off the tube and work over his cock for hours. Every time you feel him close to an orgasm stop and straddle his face and have one or more yourself. Stay with it as long as you can and you will leave him a marshmallow. You may find that you have to ice down is penis to get back in the tube. Dress up in the way that drives him crazy and stand him at attention nude in his chastity tube while you softly stroke him all over except for ignoring his cock. He will struggle to stand tall as his cock struggles to grow in the chastity tube. Every woman needs to develop her own style. You can keep things fresh by continuing to experiment. It may seem like a lot of work but he will shower you with attention. The hardest thing will be getting that much attention again.

It is understandable that there may be days that you want to ignore his situation. It is alright to not care that all the time that he is not no longer in control of his manhood and you can let him know that you don’t. Still you should not let this go more than a few days without making positive comments about his being locked up for you. The main thing if you are going to lock him up is that you need to make a commitment to yourself and him to make this work.

As the endeavor in to chastity continues you will be able to add ideas and musings to your relationship that you find works well. Remembering the basic principles of how to keep your hubby under your spell will let you, and him, discover chastity’s amazing rewards. Always maintain the upper hand, do those things to show both you and him that your requests are nothing less than a requirement for him. You will never want to let things revert back to his self “lack of” control again. Believe me, the routine is effective and over the long term you’ll not regret it even though at times it seems like a lot of work.

There is an old saying among those wives who adopted a chastity lifestyle because their husbands encouraged them… be careful what you wish for. I think some of the husbands would given a choice go back to their old ways, but none of the wives would. I think that deep down the men are happier because they wanted to be sexually controlled by their wives and now they are. Their new reality is often much different than their original fantasy because it is now your fantasy not his. I know the wives, who stuck it out through the trials and tribulations of finding a chastity device that worked and figuring out how change their mindset from a need to give him orgasms to one of deserving all the orgasms they could ever want, are all much happier.

What does it mean to be a sissy?

Sissies are a distinct breed of transvestites. A sissy is a transvestite who’s primary sexual interest lies not just in wearing feminine clothing, but in becoming an exaggerated version of femininity. Femininity as seen through the lens of traditional hetero male sexual desire. Sissies are not seeking to become women in a normal sense, but are instead seeking to become the object of their desires. Their ultimate fantasy woman if they were normal, rather than being a sissy.

Sissies are transvestites who can’t be sated by just throwing on some panties and jerking off. They must strive to become their ideal female. This means the fetish will transcend the bedroom, and creep into the rest of their life. A full warddrobe, makeup, wigs, etc. Sissies will spend more time looking at women’s outfits than they will looking at the women wearing them. Sissies keep their body hair shaved, likely wear panties (or more!) at all times, nail polish on their toes, etc. Being a sissy takes commitment and dedication.

Sissies are bisexual, but not in the traditional sense. You aren’t going to see a sissy settle down and marry a man. You won’t find many that will say they find men attractive. Remember, a sissy seeks to become the embodiment of what their dream woman would be. As such, their interest in pleasing men is distinct from that of homosexual men. Their interest in men comes from seeking validation that they have achieved their sissy goal: being feminine enough to interest “straight” men. They aren’t into the men themselves as much as the men are sex objects that a sissy uses to confirm her own sissyness.

Sissies are submissive. You can be a crossdresser who makes an effort to look the part and not be submissive, but that means you are not a sissy. A sissy gets off on pleasing others. She doesn’t worry about herself or her pleasure nearly as much. This is where you see chastity and cuckolding come into play for a lot of sisses. Chastity is sought because it allows a sissy to stay horny, giving them the drive to further their sissy desires (rather than losing them after orgasm). Cuckolding is natural because if a sissy is going to have a wife or girlfriend (remember, sissies aren’t typically into men romantically), by her nature a sissy is unlikely going to be able to be much of a man when it comes to sex. As such, not only is the woman more likely to look elsewhere for those needs, the sissy herself shouldn’t mind. Her wife isn’t cheating on the sissy with “another man”, but is having sex with “a man”. The sissy isn’t a man anymore, so why should she be jealous that her wife needs a man from time to time? If anything, the sissy can relate. She needs a man sometimes too!

Sadly, the term sissy tends to be overused these days. Guys with thick body hair showing off their one pair of panties, or ones where their small wardrobe is a mishmash of mismatched clothes that no woman would ever wear, these sorts are all using the term sissy. Guess what guys? You aren’t a sissy. You may have the mindset, you may be working towards it, but until you get there, you aren’t one. You need to learn fashion, makeup, and you need to work towards looking hot. Instead of doing just enough sissy stuff to get your cock hard, you need to focus on doing enough to get someone else’s cock hard. In a world of pantyboys, you need to rise above. You need to embrace what it means to truly be a sissy and dedicate yourself to it.

What Being a Slave Means to Me

Surrender.

To surrender onto slavery is not a choice. It is a release. If you choose to say yes, then you can choose to say no. Then you think carefully before every action. That is not slavery.

Slavery is responding as if the command and you are one. This is the patriarchal joviality and liberation of the protection, submission, safety, worship and love of your Master or Mistress. There is absolutely nothing the slave would not do that his Mistress asks of him. And the remarkable, the most beautiful part is, the true slave is not aware of the extent of his surrender.

She has utterly released her will onto her Master, and she need not convince herself of a thing. She need not sit there pondering if she is a good slave or a bad one – she simply fulfills the desires of whom she has placed absolute dominion over her life. Irrevocable mastery over her love. And in every regard it will be the love that binds them as Master and slave.

You do not only hand accross the submission of your body, but your mind and soul become willing participants – it is in every way a totality. It is in every way all-encompassing. You do not say, this I will give, and this I will keep. Your will no longer belongs to you. It will be so that in your total protection of your master you have acknowledged with whole heart that your will and his are entwined within the Universal dance.

Respect.

Everytime the slave meets his Mistress, he greets, he bows, he kneels, he stays knelt until she asks of him to perform otherwise. This is the act of obedience and respect that is a gift from the Mistress onto her slave. To allow him to show such respect is the most valuable gift in such a partnership, and this must never be forgotten. To forgo this intricate and tangible previledge would quickly send the Mistress and slave’s divine link into disarray. This respect is the stepping stone to all the lessons that follow.

The collar is the symbol of submitting absolute control towards their Master. It is with the collar that the permenance of the relationship extends past all notions of time and space. Everything begins and ends with the collar. The slave who cares for his collar as if it is precious abrosial nectar of the Gods, is the slave who earns the worth of having meaning to his existence.

The lesson of respect is without doubt the stream of wisdom satiating and underlying every act of the Universal law – infact to the ordinary onlooker witnessing the exchange between Mistress and slave, the more they becomes aware of the emanating respect… the more they realise the significance, the virtuous nature of the exchange, that in itself reveals the depth in which Master and slave understand their responsibility. And respect is the cause for which the slave does not refer to their Mistress by name.

Some things are eternal signatures, signposts, of the cause for which the dance of domination and submission exists. To refer to the ruler of your soul as Master or Mistress is to keep in the forefront of your every intent the fluid lucidity of your surrender. Respect is what makes mankind cherish their existence. Respect is what teaches you not only to have the cake, but enjoy it. It is that which garnishes with translucent affection the quality of love. Respect is the most necessary ingredient in life, and for most of us, that which is dreadfully missed. We cannot enjoy the quiet walks, we cannot enjoy the sunsets, the people around us, the good and bad alike, we cannot cherish the land on which we live, the resources we so languidly exhaust, the monuments that represent our identity. We are lost because we have forgotten the meaning of respect.

We do not respect the mother, or the father, we take what we have for granted, affording a single tear, at most two, for the tormented souls who have less than nothing, and we go on ravaging that which surrounds us – taking no pleasure in our actions, all a flailing notion of make-believe. Because we do not know respect. And the Master-Slave relationship is the Universe’s gift onto mankind so that we may remember. Simply by this submission the freedom that encompasses our being makes every breath taste as sweet as the freshly dipped honeydew of the early morn’. We will breathe in every moment with a gratitude that fills us to the brim with tranquility. Like pouring rain beckoning you to join the frolicking dance of life everything will be born anew. Why do you think the religions have brought so much peace to any man who has truly surrendered to it? Not because of any God. But because he actually surrendered – he learnt respect for himself by this act.

The Unimportance of Yiffing (Sex).

So before we go onto anything else, let us right here, right now, dissuade you from the grave misconception of the submission/domination dance. And that is, everyone’s favourite topic – yiffing. A Master doesn’t fuck his slave. He is not supposed to abuse that power. It is the joining of two souls… a union that is used with glorious skillfulness to again teach respect – there is no giving and taking in the lovemaking of Master and slave – there is only release. Now how can this be shared, be taught, be lived, if the slave and Master mistake the union of lovemaking as the core principle of their relationship? Submission and domination has deteriorated into an object of lust. It has gone so far as to be regarded an avenue of sexual adventure. People come searching for slaves or Masters in order to be adored and used and abused, because they get a kick out of it. It has become a means to punish your tormented soul further in order to provide a short-lasting, constantly unquenched pleasure.

The unimportance of yiffing must be known if you truly wish to understand the purpose of all this. If you are seeking lust, you will never grasp what a Master/Slave relationship is. You will of course understand more about what it is to create extra drama and power struggles in your life. You think it’s kinky to be handcuffed to the bed, to be completely ripped clean of all control and had every which way. Strangely enough, it is only your unconscious understanding of the liberation of surrender that, in a misunderstood stupidity translates it to be merely the giving up of your body. But we’re not going down that path. You’ve come to the wrong place.

The surrender is of body, mind, and soul. If it is the body alone you are willing to give, you have come to the wrong place. There are enough assholes out there ready to torment and abuse you. Enjoy. But here, here wisdom is all that is shared. Love is the leash. Thus it naturally translates into the unimportance of yiffing in the divine act of surrender. It can be well explained by the situations where you yearn for your Master’s affection… by the nature of punishment. There is perhaps no greater punishment for a slave than to be ignored by his Mistress. In every drop of – every tick of the clock, as your Master completely forgets your existence, the feeling of worthlessness floods resevoirs and lakes within the soul. Yet the true Master himself feels not only his own pain, but even that of his slave. He ignores his slave until the slave holds no expectation of being noticed.

As long as the slave is expectant of affection he has not understood surrender at all. And when he has surrendered, he will wait patiently at his Mistresses feet. He will not abhor being ignored.. he will not feel special or prideful at being awarded attention. His Mistress’ every glance at his direction will bloom in abundant vicissitudes of joy. Yet he will not crave the joy. It is this acceptance that is the signpost of surrender. All the protection and loyalty that defines the quality and virtue of a slave stem from this acceptance.

Loyalty and Protection.

Perhaps it is so that it is the feeling of worthlessness that prompts a slave to betray their Master – when they do not trancend their own self-pity. As long as they are seeking affection, their loyalty is compromising, fleeting – here one moment, gone the next. What is worse, it becomes a menial immature game. They are spoilt and pampered and they never dropped their attachment to begin, even then they betray. The moment they do not have their wish fulfilled, they remove their collar and leave. If these are your notions, if you are coming to have your wishes brought to life, forget slavery and leave now. Stop reading now and be on your way.

A Mistress may grant you a request, or she may not. If you respond to both as equal acts of kindness, then you have fullfilled your responsibility as a slave. A Master knows that once the slave no longer holds expectations of him, he now has a slave with uncompromising loyalty. Diamond-studded unwavering loyalty. Then, and only then, the dance begins. There is a period of testing that takes place – a period where the Master with gregarious kindness masked carefully behind the face of stern discipline tests how the slave responds to denial. This is a fascinating process in itself.

Many slaves respond with an act. They behave with acceptance – and in this act they can go two ways. One, they could surpress their frustration until they break and cannot act any longer, or two, their act becomes their reality. It is both amusing and heartbreaking to see how many slaves go astray at hearing the terrorising words: no. Once the slave trancends this terror, he is then the epitome of loyalty.

Remember time and time again, you are a slave. This is about surrender. This isn’t about, “Oh, I just met the person of my dreams, my life has taken a huge turn, and now I must ask my Master for this and this and this.” He may say no. Know this now. A true Master will not pamper you and allow you to live in illusion. And it is for all these reasons that protecting your master with your life is equal to protecting everything that is precious about existence. Fail in this, and you lose all meaning – fail, and you will truly be worthless.

There are those who say, “my will is too free, and my spirit is too strong to break.” They are full of shit, and treated as such until they see – nothing was meant to be broken and nothing ever is. Those whose wills are truly free are only free because of their deep understanding of respect. Those who cannot respect a Mistress or Master are not capable of respecting themselves. Of all things, if you understand this, then you may be ready to begin.

Safety.

There is a difference between submission and surrender. When you submit to your Mistress or Master, and they tell you to walk through fire, you walk through even if you don’t want to. When you surrender, and are told to walk through fire, you walk through without thinking, because you know you are safe. Submission is valuable, but surrender is a thousand notches up the scale. The safety of a Master is the incredible knowing that nothing can hurt you because you are following the path of righteousness. Of course, you may still be burnt by the fire – yet nothing can hurt you. It is in every way the phenomenal understanding – trust – in a pervading goodness. There are a few criteria that must be met to earn this trust…

How many of us believe that the Universe is truly out to fuck us over? Those of us who have been betrayed time and time again, so often infact, that all of a sudden that seems to be the underlying rule of social exchange. Miracles are hilarious bouts of sarcastic comedy to those who find it difficult to trust. And to those of us who see life in this way, why would you with any common sense put your life in the hands of another human? There is no sense to it whatsoever. The criteria is to transcend this vain notion of life. When you do that, all of this will make sense. Until then, domination and submission would remain a fun sexual game to play when you are bored. You wouldn’t have even scratched the surface.

It is also true that a genuine slave of integrity to his actions can even transform the heart of a diminished and uneventful Master. This is a rarity, but it is possible, and to know this is vital in understanding safety and trust. There are those who understand the heart of their Mistress, and trust her because they know her intent – and there are those who have no knowledge of the intent of their Mistress, but trust anyway because trust in itself is valuable. The lesson is here. Right here. Do not mistake safety to mean safety-net, something to fall back upon, because some Masters will not give you even that.

There are some Masters who throw you into hell to strengthen you, and there are others who are very content to leave you in your comfort zone – there is no difference between them. So, who would you choose?

Punishment.

Pain is never used for punishment, but only for pleasure. Pleasure and Pain are two sides of the same coin, but more than that, they curl into each other, whirlpool out, mix and mingle until you see they are one and the same. Within intense pain lies intense pleasure, and this is no sadistic or narcistic notion. As much as sitting in traditional tower position for hours on end, at the feet of your Master, your muscles and bones aching – agonising pain running through your veins screaming for you to move, which, with gentle and ruthless adamancy you ignore, the reckless numbness eventually surmounts to a release of bountiful bliss – and then you see that pleasure and pain indeed are one. No, pain is not used for punishment.

Punishment is being ignored. It is not being given anything at all. One can perhaps handle being verbally assaulted by their Master, one can perhaps handle even being humiliated by their Mistress, but to be ignored is the absolute worst. And in what manner is it a punishment? What is punishment in the Master/slave reality? Only ever to instill obedience. There is so much more to this divine relationship than how much attention is given to you… so very much more. Your actions upon being ignored is what builds your character. Punishment is never to curse you for a mistake and lock you away even if you have learnt your lesson. Even the punishment is one form of testing. Tests are the best of ways to chisel the dark ore to unravel the diamond within.

Think of the way one feels when they are ignored by a loved one, and this will answer all. Your sobriety, your maturity, is never quite fully tested until you are ignored. Do you sulk in those times? Do you get clingy, or do you turn possessive? Do you ignore them in return out of vile distaste? Do you feel insulted? Or most of all, do you feel excruciatingly lonely and run off in search of attention elsewhere? Imagine transcending all these reactions – which may lead you to ask the pertinent question, why would you do in a Master/slave relationship the honourable actions that you didn’t do with anyone else before? Because never before had surrender been so important, so much at the forefront of your mind – and this is why the Master constantly reminds you of your surrender. So you surrender it all, even your loneliness. And maturity is born.

Creative Ideas for Erotic Humiliation & Degradation

We get a lot of queries about humiliation & degradation, specifically about practical ideas for things to do. Not every activity is suitable for every person, but here’s 90 fun ones.

I didn’t write these, they’ve been passed around on the internet for a while, and before we get into the fun bit I wanted to add four quick pieces of advice:
• Consent. Your kinks are private, the public doesn’t consent to participate in them. Freaking out the villagers or traumatising children is not cool. A lot of these suggestions are public displays, so you’ll need to use your common sense regarding when and whether they are appropriate.
• Humiliation is much more than just putting someone in an embarrassing situation. When it’s done right it’s a hot scene for both parties. I strongly recommend Richard Sprott’s excellent talk Humiliation: Hot, Edgy and Sometimes Dangerous for a deeper insight into what humiliation is and how you can play with it. Really, it’s a great video.
• Humiliation and degradation are edge play. Sometimes you can detonate land mines that no one knew were there. Keep an eye on your submissive and be very sure that he/she is not being psychologically triggered by the activities.
• Check out our article Erotic Humiliation and Degradation for some general discussion about humiliation and degradation and more ideas.

Now that that’s out of the way, see if there’s anything here that adds spice to your life:

Clothing the sub can be made to wear:

• 1. Black or dark colour bra under thin white shirt.
• 2. Black or dark colour panties under thin white trousers or shorts.
• 3. Tights worn with shorts.
• 4. Wear a frilly bikini at the beach. [or just the bottom].
• 5. Naked or dressed in lingerie beneath a cape or raincoat.
• 6. Wearing an obviously feminine blouse.
• 7. Little girls’ dresses with high heels
• 8. Baby hats/bonnets.
• 9. Wearing your dirty underwear to work with everyday male clothing.
• 10. Standard male shirt, tie, jacket, with obvious female trousers.
• 11. Diapers, noisy plastic pants.
• 12. High heels.
• 13. No underwear, while wearing very thin white or light colour trousers, shorts.

Toys:

• 1. Slave collar (can add owner tag.)
• 2. Narrow cat collar with bell.
• 3. Single handcuff on each wrist.
• 4. Butt plugs, Can be worn at a business meetings.
• 5. Feminine necklaces and bracelets.
• 6. Feminine rings.
• 7. Cock rings.
• 8. Nipple clips. [Even better when seen through a sheer shirt]
• 9. Clip on earrings [for the pierced impaired.]
• 12. A “kitty” collar with bell, worn around the cock and balls.

Shopping scenes:

[The assumption here is that it should be obvious the purchases are for the sub]

• 1. Shopping for and trying on lingerie or dresses.
• 2. Trying on high heels while wearing nylons or pantyhose under male clothing.
• 3. Shopping for makeup, perfumes, and other female items.
• 4. At adult toy stores, purchasing butt plugs, cockrings, and BD gear, while she watches from a distance.
• 5. Having a manicure or facial.
• 6. Buying adult incontinent supplies.

Other activities or scenes:

1. Must use “Mistress”, Madame”, or “Ma’am” at all times.
2. Handcuffed to the shopping cart, while shopping.
3. Handcuffed or tied to a pole outside shops. (Waiting for Mistress)
4. Handcuffed, hands in front or back, while shopping.
5. Metal cock rings, collars, chains, or leashes when going through airport security.
6. Having him get a good tan while wearing a bra, for later exposure at the beach or while washing the car without a shirt.
7. When at a restaurant, eating in an unusual way; being fed by the Mistress; using your non dominant hand, no utensils.
8. Forbidden to speak in public.
9. Kneeling and kissing her boots, shoes, feet, or hands, at odd moments.
10. Kneeling, massaging her feet at the cafe.
11. One arm tied or cuffed under your shirt, or cuffed obviously behind you.
12. Pockets cut out of pants, and hands tied or cuffed to your thighs so you can’t remove them from
the pockets.
13. Binding your cock inside your pants with the string or rope end available to tug on.
14. Wearing a vibrating butt plug, with the controls in your pocket.
15. Your right [left?] hand is tied to your cock and balls through a hole in your pocket. Might look like you are playing with yourself.
16. Being forced to masturbate beneath the table cloth while at a restaurant.
17. You both are sitting in a restaurant, dressed completely normal. She hands you a bag of ‘stuff’ and tells you to go to the restroom and change. You worry that everyone who enters will know what you are doing.
18. You are sitting drinking a beer or apple juice. When the glass is empty, she orders you to take it to the men’s room and fill it up. You must return and then consume your “new” beverage with your meal.
19. You must take your beverage to the men’s room, masturbate, and cum in the glass/cup. Return and then consume it.
20. You have to take your underpants off, return to the table and hand them to her. She leaves them on the table in plain view.
21. On a special evening, as you travel around in a rented limousine, you are required to masturbate, trying not to be seen by the driver.
22. You are required to masturbate in your pants and continue wearing them, disregarding any spots that may appear.
23. You are diapered, taken out to a restaurant or bar and have to consume a large quantity of liquid, and are not allowed to use the bathroom.
24. Travelling by car naked or dressed in lingerie.
25. You are obviously hand cuffed to the car as you travel, or are parked waiting for her to finish shopping. A key can be attached to a thread for emergency purposes.
26. Wearing lipstick or make up so that it appears you have just tried to remove it, but missed some.
27. Having your picture taken in Santa’s lap at Christmas time.
28. She hands the controls of your vibrating plug, dildo to another person.
29. Having to show another person what you are wearing beneath the raincoat or cape.
30. Shining her boots at the cafe.
31. She spanks you.
32. She slaps you.
33. You have to kiss the ground whenever you leave a car.
34. You kiss the seat of her chair whenever she stands.
35. Ordering warm milk, or some other almost impossible item, claiming dietary need.
36. You have to eat a bite of something that has had an ash flicked on it.
37. You are taken on a nature walk, tied to a tree, for a quickie spanking.
38. One hand is cuffed to the chair or table when you are eating.
39. At a cocktail lounge, you have to sit at the bar next to the serving station and you are cuffed to the rail.
40. You are instructed to eat a meal alone, reading a copy of Domination Directory International, other Dominatrix publication, or a transvestite magazine.
41. Smoking long, obviously feminine cigarettes.
42. In a parking lot or similar location, just before you will be safely hidden from spectators, she has you pause and wet yourself. You have to walk the last few yards with wet clothes.
43. On your ‘x’ anniversary, you renew your wedding vows, this time you are dressed as the bride.
44. When you travel alone, you are required to leave lingerie or stockings drying in the bathroom.
45. You are instructed to buy a Halloween maid’s costume. Whenever you travel you must leave it hanging in the hotel room along with your regular clothing. Leaving a pair of high heels out would work too.
46. Tape rough felt or very fine sandpaper inside a shirt over the nipples. Effect should be stimulation, not damage.
47. Reciting all your rules in front of others, at her whim.
48. Temporary “slave” tattoos or other markings, hidden or not.
49. Always walking a foot or two behind her. Speeding up to open doors.
50. She pays for everything, with possible comments like “Oh I never allow him to carry money!”
51. If no seats are available, puts you on all fours and sits on your back.
52. Doing some of the “hidden” little things like plugs, nipple clamps, cock rings, in the church of her/your choice.
53. Keeping your legs shaved.
54. Keeping the genitals shaved.
55. Having ribbons/bows braided into the genital hair.
56. Carrying a doll around, brushing its hair, playing with it.
57. When dining out, sub is not allowed to order, is fed little bites from her plate.
58. While she is sitting on a chair, you sit on deck beside her, even though there are chairs available next to you.
59. Wear a cock ring with a very long, strong, almost invisible thread attached. She can pull on this anytime. Use it like a leash.